Sunday, November 9, 2014

I went to my first full B.A.C.A. meeting

I'm on my way to becoming a member of B.A.C.A. (Bikers Against Child Abuse). I'm looking forward to being able to help abused kids from an angle different than foster care.

I'll be honest, I'm no biker. I don't even know how to ride a motorcycle yet. But I'm going to learn. And then I'll be able to ride with Mr. Amazing. In the meantime, I'm eligible to be a member of B.A.C.A. because I "have access to a motorcycle".

It takes at least a full year from expressing interesting in B.A.C.A. to the time you receive your back patch and can have a relationship with a child directly. For now I can attend meetings. And after my background checks (both State and Federal) come back, I can attend child centered events - like the ceremony called a "Level One" when a child is welcomed into the B.A.C.A. club. (And yes, I have to go through all the background checks all over again.) I submitted my fingerprints about two months ago so I should have Federal clearance soon.

For those of you unfamiliar with B.A.C.A., I thought I'd post their Mission Statement today:
Bikers Against Child Abuse (B.A.C.A.) exists with the intent to create a safer environment for abused children. We exist as a body of bikers to empower children to not feel afraid of the world in which they live. We stand ready to lend support to our wounded friends by involving them with an established, united organization. We work in conjunction with local and state officials who are already in place to protect children. We desire to send a clear message to all involved with the abused child that this child is part of our organization, and that we are prepared to lend our physical and emotional support to them by affiliation, and our physical presence. We stand at the ready to shield these children from further abuse. We do not condone the use of violence or physical force in any manner, however, if circumstances arise that we are the only obstacle preventing a child from further abuse, we stand ready to be that obstacle.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Reader question...RE: Mr. Amazing's employment and our future in foster care

I'm still answering questions from grkanga:

When will your Mr. Amazing know if he will be transferring job locations? And, how does that work ~ is it like military where he would have an idea of where he might go and have preferences he can express or is it just arbitrary and out of the blue?

Will you, assuming new location, look at fostering again or just CASA.
My husband is employed by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. He's currently the assistant manager at a National Wildlife Refuge on the border of Mexico. We will know when he will transfer job locations because he has to apply for, interview for, and be hired for any new job. He has full control over what jobs he applies for and where they are located. He is, however, limited to what pay grade he can apply for. He's currently a GS9.

There aren't a lot of jobs open right now. They seem to come in waves as Refuges across the country retire people, promote people and hire new staff to fill the openings. And sometimes when jobs are posted, the Refuge doing the hiring already knows who they are going to hire. (They post the job for legal purposes but don't intend on actually looking at the other applicants.)

My dream job for Mr. Amazing would put me right back in Iowa with him running the Refuge in my home town. However, that position is a GS13 so he's going to have to wait awhile before he's eligible to even apply for that position should it ever become available.

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service typically doesn't promote you where you are currently employed. Well...that's not exactly right. When Mr. Amazing was applying for his current position, he was a GS6. The position here in Texas is considered a GS5-7-9. He was hired on as a GS7. After Mr. Amazing was here one year he was eligible for his promotion to GS9. But he can't be promoted any higher than that. So, in order for him to advance, we will have to move. He's currently looking at GS9-11 jobs or GS11-12 jobs. Those are the only ones he's eligible for.

We have no idea where the next job will take us. We have no idea if we'll be able to do foster care or not. There are too many variables. Some jobs are too remote and would make doing foster care incredibly difficult. Some jobs require that you live on the Refuge and our home might not be large enough.

But caring for children from the hurt places is very important to us. I'm positive we will continue to do something. I just don't know what it will be. We know that right now we have to take a break from actual foster care. We never wanted Mr. Amazing to apply for any new jobs when we had placements because we always made a commitment to see each placement all the way through. (A job opened up in Louisiana a couple months ago that Mr. Amazing is wishing he would have applied for. But because of Miss Daisy, he passed on the opportunity.) We can't take kids in now because we can't commit to seeing their cases all the way through and we don't want to disrupt placements unnecessarily.

I am not opposed to doing foster care again. I would definitely consider becoming a CASA. And we are both on our way to becoming patched members of B.A.C.A. (Bikers Against Child Abuse). B.A.C.A has chapters in almost every state in the country so it's likely we could stay involved with B.A.C.A no matter where we live. We will continue to leave this part of our lives open for God to move in. I'm sure He'll tell us what He wants us to do next. (He always has before!)

For now, I'm enjoying helping other foster mamma friends. I went to Mississippi to help out a friend of mine last month. And later on this week (or whenever she gets approval from the decision makers over her cherubs), my friend J-Mamma is going to come stay with us for about a month. J-Mamma's husband is employed by the military and was deployed today. She's busy at home caring for her Little J, who suffered abusive head trauma similarly to Miss Daisy, and also Little J's sister, Jazz, who was born addicted. That's a LOT to parent alone. J-Mamma is going to stay with us and let us help her with the babies so she doesn't have to be alone.

God will keep me busy as long as I listen to Him I'm sure.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Reader question...RE: Homeschool - PART THREE

In a comment on one of my other posts, girlfrog2003 said this:
We are also new foster parents and received our first placement about one month into school (a sweet newborn baby girl). How do you juggle having any kind of routine for school and all of the foster care stuff??? My daughter is autistic with a healthy dose of anxiety (and it's been amazing how much of that has gone away and how much more "focus" she has now) and she does so much better with a routine, but routine has been such a foreign concept the last few weeks. Constant requests for meetings appointments tomorrow, and then oh we cancelled it, and I need this paper today, etc. I suppose it doesn't help that due to my daughters disabilities I can't just put something in front of her and let her work on her own. I really have to sit down and work with her. Any wisdom or tips are so much appreciated.
Please don't think that this is going to turn into a blog all about our homeschool. It's not. But I do love answering reader questions so I will continue with this theme as long as people want to know more. I also want to be sure to clarify that this is OUR homeschool and not how I think homeschool should look in general. This is what works for our family.

Anyway, back to the question...how do I juggle the crazy routine of foster care and homeschool?

Sigh.

That's a hard one!!

My answer probably isn't going to help you much, girlfrog2003. It's really lame. But all I can really tell you is do school when you can.

When Daisy was with us, her therapy sessions made routine perfectly impossible. We really did just have to "do school" whenever the house was free from extra human beings and when the baby was settled enough for me to sit with my boys. Because like you, girlfrog2003, I have to sit with my boys most of the time too. Whenever I give them work to do and then go about my own business there is sure to be unnecessary competition and outright fighting along with lots of off topic conversation and wandering in general. Bart can drag a math worksheet out over two hours when he's having a bad day.

I know what works best for my boys though so we've always had a routine - of sorts - that plays to their strengths. I try to get started pretty early in the morning. (Their attention spans get shorter as the day gets longer.) I do "difficult" stuff first and I rarely do two "difficult" subjects in a row. (For example, we never learn a new skill in math and then follow it with a writing lesson.) I make sure to keep blood sugars even all day long with frequent snacking for TT. (It keeps his anxiety at bay.) And I try to get them to do something physical (where they raise their heart rate) after lunch before we sit down to work in the afternoon.

One thing that helped my boys, because due to foster care in our lives I couldn't ever put together a "set" schedule, was to write all the subjects/activities for the day up on a large dry erase board mounted on the wall where we do school. The boys know that their free time comes when the whole board has been erased. They know we don't necessarily work in the order of everything on the board - but that it does all have to get done. I usually color code things. One color for school, one color for foster care appointments, and one color for chores.

Everyone does homeschool just a little bit different. I'm sure you'll get into the swing of things eventually, girlfrog2003. It does take quite awhile though to switch from brick and mortar school to an effective homeschool. I've read that some people say to plan on one month of homeschool for every year of brick and mortar the child had done before things start to work well at home. And for some families it takes longer than that. If I'm being honest, I'd say it took us almost 1.5 years. But...one of those years was still technically public school as TT had A LOT of demands on him to complete all the work the online charter school required. Also, the boys and I really did have a lot of grief to work though when Dude and Dolly left.

I know quite a few of my readers homeschool. I don't personally read any homeschool blogs so I don't have any good links myself. If any other readers want to help girlfrog2003 out with more scheduling tips or other pointers for homeschooling special needs, please comment with advice or links to blogs.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Reader question...RE: homeschool - PART TWO

I explained our journey toward homeschooling in a post yesterday. I still haven't answered all of grkanga's questions though.
Here or on FBk please write about the reasons why YOU would or would not home school a child. NOT specific to your children but generically. Does the local school district available make a difference? What was your school background? What do YOU most like about home schooling your children and what have you found is harder than you expected?
My first post was really all about MY kids specifically. I had to get that out of the way first. Generically it's hard for me to answer questions about why or why not kids should (or shouldn't) be homeschooled. Doing school at home is radically different than traditional public school. It really is very personal.

I think the local school district definitely played in to things for me the most. Like I said yesterday, if all of the teachers we met had been like the one TT and Bart had for first grade, they'd probably still be in brick and mortar school. She is an amazing teacher who makes the educational process personal for each kid. When I told her that TT has severe anxiety and that wearing gloves helps him when he's on sensory overload, the gloves were welcome in her classroom. When it became apparent that Bart needed extra work to stay busy, and that it wasn't necessary for him to fully participate in all the classroom activities (because he was more advanced), she accommodated him fully! Instead of sitting through calendar time, he was allowed to stay at his desk and write.

But other than our experience with that one single teacher, things haven't been very positive. I was blown away by how far behind TT was - despite receiving terrific grades in K-2. And I knew that Bart was just going to keep getting in more and more trouble at school because of the unrealistic expectations for boys that need to move during the school day. I'm not opposed to ADHD medication in any way. But I didn't want to immediately drug my kid when I knew a different learning environment would probably help more.

I am homeschooling my kids largely because I want my kids to have a passion for learning. There are so many things that have changed since No Child Left Behind was made law. Teachers, at least the ones I've gotten to know personally, tell me that they are so limited to what and how they can teach. Everything is dictated for them. It is difficult to treat each student or class personally. And those tests...those blasted tests. I knew they would destroy TT due to his anxiety.

Homeschooling has really been a journey for us. That first year with TT and Bart was anything but easy. The fighting was daily and I struggled so much. I wanted school at home to look like brick and mortar. The more I let go of those expectations, the easier things got.

I have read that homeschool moms need to be allowed to have a "grace" week...or month...or in our case - year. I let go of the subjects that caused the extreme fighting. Literally - just let go of them. I worked hard on relationships. And I did everything in my power to decrease TT's anxiety toward school. Children just can't learn when they are in a state of high anxiety. The brain prevents it. When you're stuck in fight/flight/freeze you simply can't transfer knowledge from short term to long term memory. I stopped all testing. I said things over and over to remind TT (and Bart) that my goal for school was for them to get the knowledge in their brains. We did a lot of oral work because writing seemed to bother both of them. And spelling...I stopped that altogether.

We did do math. But I got a different curriculum - one that didn't look like or function like public school curriculum. For what it's worth, I've been incredibly pleased with Math-U-See. We managed to do two year's worth of math last year which totally got TT caught up to what kids his age are doing in public school. And because I slowed things down and personalized how we did math, his anxiety dropped away. He can do word problems now without completely freezing and freaking out. He understands things so much better.

Things this year are going so much smoother than last year. It's complicated to describe really. I can't exactly say why things are better. There are so many possible reasons. But, things are better.

I added more work that looks like curriculum and the boys don't freak out when the books get cracked open. That appeases the teacher in me. Part of me still wants my kids to know and be able to do everything the public schools say they should be able to do. But daily I struggle with all that really is expected in a traditional brick and mortar school. It's unrealistic to expect kids to sit in their desks and regurgitate information all day long without being allowed to move and talk. Learning should come alive.

I'll be honest, I never retained a single bit of American history as a kid. Not from what I learned in elementary or high school. It went in one ear and out the other. I puked the names and dates down on paper and got almost straight A's. But the knowledge didn't stick.

We're watching a simple series I bought on Amazon this year called Liberty's Kids. I've checked out books from the library to supplement the content in the series. And now, for the first time ever, I actually know and will probably retain information about my country's forming history.

The kids dictate some of the things they want to learn and I come up with "curriculum" and/or activities to supplement. We read the book The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler last year and then went to visit the art museum in our town last year. Bart announced that we should have donuts on the first day of school this year and that morphed into an entire "unit" (if you will) of learning about donuts. They read about the history of donuts. They made their own homemade donuts. We visited local bakeries and even got a full backstage tour of a Shipley Donuts location. (The owner had homeschooled his children and took time out of a morning to give my boys a hands-on tour of everything.)

Nothing about homeschooling has really been easy. It took a long time to work out the relationships between mom/teacher/son/student. Bart pushed a LOT. He didn't want to obey. I have threatened to send him back to brick and mortar more times than I can count!!!

I don't feel like I identify with most of the other homeschooling families that we've met either. I'm much too liberal for the homeschool co-op we joined last year. Well...maybe liberal isn't exactly the right word. But I'm definitely much more "free range" than any other homeschool family that I've met locally. So we really do this homeschool thing alone. I'm grateful I've got two boys that are close in age though. I think that makes it easier.

Overall, I really do adore homeschooling. I love the flexibility. I love how personal it can be. When my boys understand a math concept, we move on. There's no principal telling me that they have to do three more worksheets as homework and they have to take a pre-test and a final test to prove that they know how to do long division. When they get a concept, we move on.

And my boys have learned things that aren't taught in public school. Granted, these things can all be done in the evenings and weekends with public schooled kids. I'm not saying my kids know more than others!!! But they are comfortable with stuff that their peers, at least the ones in our neighborhood, don't do. Both Bart and TT know how to light the grill and cook a chicken breast from start to finish. Both boys understand consumer math and know how to grocery shop effectively. They can follow a recipe to make a batch of cookies or mix up something for dinner. Those types of skills are going to help my boys when they graduate and do "life" on their own.

This post is crazy long and I don't feel like I've said much. We're still going 'round and 'round with this homeschool journey. Odds are we won't be homeschooling next year. I've got the boys on a waiting list for a small charter school. And if Mr. Amazing gets the opportunity to move us out of Texas because of his job, I will seriously consider public school again wherever we end up. But I'm flexible enough to know that my boys might stay in homeschool through high school too. I want them to receive the best education possible. And if I feel that's in my home, that's where they will go to school.

But I also have to take TT's passions into consideration. And TT absolutely loves football. He lives and breathes football. I let him play flag football for the first time last year and he became totally hooked. Add to that...the kid is pretty good too. He wants to play in the NFL. Yeah...I know that's a pipe dream. But who am I to deny that to my kid?! So...in order for him to play in the NFL he needs to play in college. In order for him to play in college he needs to play in high school. In order for him to play in high school he needs to play in middle school. And next year, TT is in 6th grade. Texas doesn't allow kids to be homeschooled and to participate in public school activities. So, if TT wants to play ball, he's got to go back to public school. I've got Bart and TT on a waiting list at a small charter school yet this year. They'll go if spots open up. I want them to get used to what formal school feels like again before TT gets thrown to the wolves in middle school. And if middle school is too much for TT, he'll come back home. But I have to let him try.

Again, this post is a bunch of rambling but it does sort of explain why we're doing what we're doing. If anyone has questions or comments feel free to fire away. I think homeschool has benefited my kids tremendously. TT's anxiety is diminished on a day-to-day basis and Bart can move at a speed that works for him without being subjected to tons of repetition. But it's fluid and our needs might change. I take every school year and evaluate what will be best for that year. I'm not stuck that one way is the only way.

I'll leave you with a video of TT playing quarterback (and running for a touchdown). Just because it makes me smile....

video




Thursday, October 30, 2014

Reader question...RE: homeschool - PART ONE

A reader, grkanga, commented on my last post with some questions she'd like answered.
Here or on FBk please write about the reasons why YOU would or would not home school a child. NOT specific to your children but generically. Does the local school district available make a difference? What was your school background? What do YOU most like about home schooling your children and what have you found is harder than you expected?
I've never really written much about our homeschool adventures. This will probably be a long post because we've wound round and round to get where we are today. But I can walk you through our journey and how we ended up where we are now.

Never in a million years did I ever think I would homeschool. I am from a long line of teachers. I have always supported the public school system. In fact, during the time I did attend college (I didn't graduate due to...um...life) I was an education major. I was a theatre major with a minor in English and planned on teaching high school. Herman started right up in a brick and mortar without thought to any other options.

TT joined our family when Herman was in first grade. God put a wonderful (WONDERFUL) family into our lives immediately after that beautiful surprise. The mom said that she didn't run a day care but that she would love to be the babysitter for our new bundle of joy. She had a boy at home the same age as Herman and an older daughter. She homeschooled them. Their whole family loved on TT while I worked outside the home and Mr. Amazing finished his college education. It was the first time I had ever met anyone that homeschooled their children. They planted the first seed that homeschooling could even be an option.

Fast forward to fifth grade for Herman. By now I was a work-at-home mom doing freelance graphic arts (what I still do today). Herman had a lot of problems at school. There were no academic issues. Herman is incredibly bright!! But there were a lot of social problems. Every year seemed to be worse than the year before. I was constantly being called by the school.

Most of the problems in fifth grade were issues with a bully. One day, in the fall of that year, Herman was walking home from school and the bully physically attacked him. It was serious enough that the school let us know we could press charges. Mr. Amazing and I talked it over and decided that pressing charges was too severe for a fifth grade student. We hoped that the meeting with the police officer was enough of a deterrent for future bullying.

We were wrong. Very wrong.

It just got worse and worse.

I met with Herman's two teachers toward the end of the year and asked them if it was as bad as I thought it was. Sadly, they said "yes". The school had done a lot. They had moved the offending child out of Herman's class. They had put measures into place to try and protect Herman. But all the bullying had gone somewhat underground and the things the other classmates were being talked in to doing were verbal and discrete. The school couldn't stop it. With the full blessing of Herman's teachers, I pulled Herman home and we did homeschool for the last 10 weeks of school. His teachers literally gave me a bunch of books and told me what Herman needed to work on for the rest of the year. They felt bad. I even got an apology from the Vice Principal.

I never really did feel like a homeschooling mom though. Herman and I spent a lot of time butting heads. Finding that balance of mom/teacher/son/student doesn't happen quickly when everyone is used to brick and mortar school. We moved out of that town before Herman started sixth grade - so back to public school he went.

Then we moved to the area of Texas we live in now. Without rambling on and on, I'll simply state that yes, it was largely because of the school district that we are now homeschooling all the kids.

I'm going to focus on mainly TT and Bart because they have gone through the most transformation. But I did have Herman in an online school for almost three full years of highschool. He started off in the brick and mortar middle school here for 7th and 8th grade and I had a LOT of problems with the offerings of the public school. If anyone wants to know about that experience I can put it in another post. (This one is getting quite long already.)

Both of my younger cherubs started off in brick and mortar schools down here just like Herman. I first put them in a very small charter school. I was incredibly overwhelmed when I went to the traditional public elementary school closest to our home. I knew that TT's anxiety would be completely out of check there. I couldn't start him in kindergarten in such a huge school with so many people speaking Spanish. The tiny little charter school seemed like a better option. TT started kindergarten and I put Bart in 1/2 day preschool there.

It wasn't all that I had hoped it would be though. TT went through four different kindergarten teachers over the course of the year. FOUR teachers!!! They kept quitting. The school was also very tiny and often mixed different grades together. When TT's fourth teacher quit with 2-3 weeks left to go in the year I pulled the boys out early. It seemed pointless to send him through the anxiety nightmare of getting to know a new teacher when there were only a couple weeks left.

Because I didn't want TT and Bart to be in the same classroom, and the little charter school couldn't promise me that wouldn't happen, I enrolled the boys in the traditional brick and mortar school the following fall. Things continued to go downhill. TT's anxiety was off the charts and we dealt with all sorts of behaviors at home. Bart's ADHD seemed more and more prevalent too. They stayed in the brick and mortar for two years. I simply adored the teacher both boys had in 1st grade. If all the teachers had been like her, we'd still be doing public school. But the school itself had too many policies that I took issue with. And I saw the joy of learning being sucked right out of my boys. Add in the fact that standardized testing starts in third grade and I knew we had to do something for TT. There was no way he could stay in the traditional brick and mortar school and manage his anxiety. The tests alone would kill him.

So I tried something else.

For 3rd grade, I enrolled TT in an online public charter school. The school didn't offer anything for students under 3rd grade so I bought A Beka 2nd grade in a box for Bart. It was our first year of schooling at home.

I started seeing all sorts of "holes" in TT's education. He struggled with reading pretty bad. He showed a lot of signs of dyslexia. I worked with the online school and the official teacher of his class. They explained the special education process. We decided to finish off third grade and work on some skills over the summer to try and help him catch up. TT failed all his standardized tests for third grade. I downplayed it as much as possible but we were all concerned.

Fourth grade started and I put TT in the online public school again. (Texas law requires that students be enrolled in a public brick and mortar the semester prior to starting in an online school. Bart didn't qualify, so I did a different curriculum for him.) I started the special education process but TT tested just high enough within grade level that there were few modifications that the school was going to be able to offer him. After spending almost an hour on the phone with his teacher I decided to pull TT from public school altogether and move to a more traditional homeschool education completely. His teacher agreed with me that a more flexible learning environment would be better for TT.

To add to all of this...our cherubs, Dude and Dolly, had just left our home forever. We were up to our eyeballs in tremendous grief. I wanted to rally the troupes and reconnect as a family. I knew we'd never be able to keep up with the incredibly rigorous curriculum of the online school, manage TT's dyslexia symptoms and anxiety and deal with Bart's ADHD. Traditional homeschool it was.

I bought a completely different math curriculum. I used bits and pieces of the consumable curriculum that we didn't have to send back to the online school. The year prior Bart had completed all of his 2nd grade curriculum and most of TT's online stuff. It made sense to just have the boys do the same work even though they're a year apart.

And that brings us almost to where we are at now. I take a traditional homeschool approach with a whole lot of unschooling thrown in for good measure. I'll write more about what school looks like for us now and why I do things the way I do in my next post.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Training is needed

Most children that come in to Care require extra help. Most children that come in to Care have some sort of a special need. I've personally dealt with physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy (for several of my cherubs), counseling (talk or play therapy) and in Daisy's case, vision therapy. Other children need special education accommodations. This is because children from the hurt places have rarely had a healthy childhood with all the emotional and educational experiences necessary for healthy development.

I have decided that a huge training deficiency is a lack of understanding, amongst the decision makers, about how all these special needs can be met.

When Daisy left, I typed up three very detailed documents for CPS to use. I even cc'd a copy of each one to Kori. The first was a list that included every single specialist, doctor, and therapist that Daisy was seeing. I had names, addresses, phone numbers and emails for everyone. The second document was a general medical history. I knew Kori wouldn't know off the top of her head when different procedures had happened so I listed everything out with dates. She needs to be able to tell future doctors when Daisy had her last EEG, for example. The third document was a detailed list of all of Daisy's future medical needs. I spelled out all her upcoming medical appointments and several things that CPS needed to follow up on. One paragraph of that paper said this:
Daisy needs to be receiving vision impairment services through the public school system. As of now, Daisy has had the initial appointment and the full vision test. She does qualify for both VI services and Mobility/Orientation services. The next step in this process is for (my school district) to schedule the ARD meeting. The paperwork is going to have to be transferred to (the school district Kori resides in). ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) can help with this but someone is going to have to make sure the ball gets rolling. Daisy desperately needs the vision therapy. The longer she goes without, the more her vision can be stunted.
I just got a message from Martin, Daisy's (old) CPS worker. He said that the new supervisor in Daisy's case needed clarification on that above statement as Daisy is not of school age yet.

I'm sorry - but CPS staff members should have a basic idea of how special education works! I can promise you that Daisy is not the only child under 3 that is in the public school special education system. I have run in to it time and time again. The decision makers in these cases have no idea how to go about getting services for the kids. And since many, many foster parents aren't trained on this either, I'm betting way too many foster kids just simply don't receive services. (I received NO training on special services prior - or after - becoming a foster parent. Everything I know I've learned through direct personal experience.)

That just kills me!

Because really - what needs to be explained in that paragraph up there? I said exactly where Daisy is at in the process and what needs to happen next. They can either call ECI or the appropriate school district. But no...they needed to contact me to have me explain that children under school age, even infants, can be a part of the special education process. What did they think I meant? Did they think I just made all that up?!

My biggest fear is that all of Daisy's early interventions will just stop. I know that I had to learn the hard way about absolutely everything! My agency is unaware of the processes to receive therapies. And now it's perfectly clear that CPS is as well. And since I feel that Kori truly doesn't believe her daughter needs all these therapies, Kori won't do the hard work of staying on top of things to make sure they happen. What motivation is she going to have to keep calling people if she doesn't think Daisy needs them anyway?!

Sometimes it's really hard to let go. I've got no control over any of this now. In fact, Martin just told me that the State is NOT the medical consentor in this case. They said they'd do that in court, but the paperwork says otherwise. Kori is free to decide, or not decide, anything at this point in time. I was very disappointed to hear that. No one is going to accompany Kori to any of the medical appointments.

I fear for Daisy's future.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

I just saw Daisy

Earlier this week Kori invited me to meet with her and Daisy at a local fall festival. It was a very neutral setting and one that made sense without being too awkward, so I said yes.

If I'm being totally honest, I'd tell you I really didn't want to go.

I knew if I wanted to maintain connection at all though, I needed to agree to this and meet with them. Otherwise I might not get another chance.

I want to give y'all a play-by-play. I want to point out all the ways that Daisy is being cared for differently from when she lived with me. But that's not fair. So I'll say this, it is evident that Daisy is very loved and that Daisy's current needs are all being met.

Daisy is attached to her mother in a healthy way. There was live music at the event and it was obvious that Daisy was overstimulated (and possibly confused/scared/upset) by the unknown of where she was. The music was very, very loud and Daisy couldn't tell where she was or who the people around her were. When I went to pick her up, she became instantly upset and wanted to go back to Kori immediately.

This hurt my heart.

But in reality, it's an incredibly good thing. Daisy wants to receive comfort from her mom. That is healthy attachment. And that is very, very good! I'm pretty sure Daisy didn't know it was me and just wanted to go back to the familiar.

TT and Bart came with me. I bought them some "tickets" and they ran around the festival winning a whole pile of crappy junk toys. They tried getting Daisy's attention multiple times and Bart tried holding her too. Daisy just wanted to stay in her stroller though and basically interact only with her mom. It hurt TT and Bart's feelings, but they handled it amazingly well. We processed things when we left. They too recognized how good it was to see Daisy happy with her mom. As much as we wanted Daisy to come to us, knowing she's comfortable with her mom is reassuring in the long run. It's better than thinking that Daisy has been caught up in anguish over losing us in her life.

We stayed an hour. Kori and I only had so much small talk that we could make. And since Daisy didn't want to have anything to do with me, I could only stomach sitting there doing nothing for so long. As I got ready to leave Kori asked if I wanted a picture of me with Daisy. I said yes. This picture is probably too revealing, but I'm not going to sweat it. I got to see Miss Daisy again. Miss Daisy is doing well. And for that, I am grateful.