Sparkle Jewlz

One of the neatest parts of this blogging "thing" has been the community I've found. There isn't much of a foster parent network where I live and I haven't connected with any other families that foster. Well...there are a few families that I know. But they are really just acquaintances, not friends.

The internet however has connected me to some amazing people!! Comments on the blog are wonderful! I've gotten emails that have touched my heart and lifted me up just when I needed it. I've spoken on the phone with a friend during one of the darkest parts of my fostering journey and gotten amazing support. And I've even got to meet some of my blogging friends in real life!!

Y'all are awesome!!!

Recently I had an internet friend step forward with another fundraising opportunity for our intervention. This one is just as simple as the puzzle too. Buy jewelry.

Heather's mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer back in December. Heather has been tasked with selling the jewelry her mom had acquired. Her mom used to hold jewelry parties. I'm guessing it was something of a hobby for her. At any rate, she can no longer sell this jewelry herself. Heather, in order to help raise money for her mom (and for me), has set up a blog with photos of some of the jewelry for sale. It's currently a work in progress as there is over $5000 worth of jewelry in the entire collection. But Heather has some photos up of jewelry for people to look at and purchase if they want. And she's continuing to add more photos whenever she can.

In a very generous way, Heather has offered to give me 30% of all sales. Simply mention me (Cherub Mamma) when you make a purchase and she'll send 30% of the earnings to our intervention fund. If she could manage to sell all of the jewelry in her mom's collection, that would mean as much as $1500 toward our intervention. THAT WOULD BE HUGE!!

Her site is SparkleJewlz.blogspot.com. She opted to put things up on a blog so she could avoid paying fees on Ebay or Etsy. This way all the money earned will go straight to our families.

This isn't some big business or fancy site. It's just a daughter trying to help her mom out as they go through their own struggles. And, moved by our story, she wants to help my family as well. I am blessed by her generosity! The community I've found through this blog never ceases to amaze me!

We are in!!

Dude and Dolly went to day care in the morning. It took everything Dude had to not cry when I dropped him off. He HATES being separated from me. But he held it together and (Praise God) they let Dude and Dolly stay in the same room.

TT and Bart had swimming lessons. I stayed and watched and then helped facilitate the transition over to the rec center. Both boys were fine and not too nervous at all today. (Court has a tendency to mess everyone up no matter how hard I try to shelter everyone from those big feelings.)

I got home and Mr. Amazing I decided to head off to the city where court was being held early. Mr. Amazing has wanted to take me to a Mexican restaurant in that town for a long time now. I knew I would barely be able to eat, but I smiled and played along.

I was right about not being able to eat. The food was delicious but by the time it arrived I was a mess!! I was shaking. My stomach was in knots. It was awful. I forced myself to eat some. But it wasn't easy.

By 1:00PM we decided to just go over to the courthouse. There was little else we could do. Might as well wait there. We went through the scanners and up to the second floor. Another family approached me right away thinking I was a CPS worker. I had to disappoint her and say I was there for a different case.

By about 1:30PM people started filing into the courtroom. Mr. Amazing and I took our seats and waited. And waited. And waited.

At 2:00PM our lawyer still was not there. I cannot express how nervous I was by this point in time. I think she rolled in around 2:15 or so. She shook our hands and told us that no one had objected in writing to our intervention. Of course, things were still up to the judge but it looked good.

We had to sit through another case first. The children had just been removed within the last two weeks. There was a LOT of drama. The waiting was excruciating! But, by just a little after 2:30PM, they called our case.

In attendance:
Minnie
Minnie's supervisor
the lawyer for CPS
us (Cherub Mamma and Mr. Amazing)
Ms. Colorado
a different lawyer standing in for the cherubs' "official" GAL
the AAL for our cherubs
a lawyer for bio dad

Things started off with Ms. Colorado announcing the facts of why we were all there. She pretty much looked at the judge and said, "The cherubs have been with the Eldridge's for two years. The Eldridge's would like to legally intervene in this case. We submitted our paperwork in a timely fashion giving all parties enough time to object. No one did. You have to let us in."

I was impressed. I'm pretty sure Ms. Colorado knows her way around a CPS courtroom. She commanded herself well. I've heard some pretty wishy-washy lawyers since we became foster parents. I'm grateful we were able to hire someone like Ms. Colorado.

Bio Mom's lawyer was not in attendance. I guess she said something to the judge about objecting to our intervention. But because it wasn't filed in writing it didn't matter.
Bio Dad's lawyer said nothing the entire time.
CPS's lawyer claimed that she didn't see the paperwork until last Thursday. If she had known she would have objected. However, because she (or someone in her office) didn't do their job, her verbal objection meant nothing as well.

From there conversation bounced around a bit. The judge looked at me and said, "I remember concerns being brought up earlier in this case. I remember telling the foster parent to hire their own counsel. It looks like they did." (It was almost like he was proud of us at that moment.) Multiple times he said things along the lines of, "I have to look at the whole picture here. I have to consider how long the children have been with this family. I have to take in to consideration what the children want. I have to look at everything."

In my opinion, it was the judge's way of saying he's totally in favor of us adopting the kids. He blew off anything negative that CPS tried to bring up. (Because yes, they mentioned the investigation from a year ago!) He kept saying he had to look at the whole picture. Without hesitation the judge said we could intervene. We were officially "in"!!

Somehow it was brought up that CPS had started the process to modify the permanency plan. I think this means they had started considering termination but hadn't filed any paperwork yet. I do NOT know how this all works.

I am going to storm the heavens with prayers that CPS will agree to termination. If they do, they can work hand in hand with our lawyer and the process will go faster (and will be much cheaper for us). If not, it's up to our lawyer to file the petition for termination. I believe that is what she is going to do next. But if CPS would just cooperate with her.....

Side note: The attorney filling in as GAL had spoken with us prior to being called forward for the case.  She knew NOTHING of the case so we went over some of the details. Coincidentally she just happens to be the lawyer that represented Pumpkin's bio mom, so she knew us. She filled us in on Pumpkin (another blog post for sure). I pulled out my phone and showed her a recent picture. Following that picture was one of Dolly's extremely long hair. I took the opportunity to ask if she could see about allowing Dolly to get a haircut. She said she'd do what she could.

Sure enough, after the judge said we were "in", the GAL asked him about the haircut. He seemed almost surprised that anyone would ask him - especially since the child wants it cut. He even said, "My daughter got her hair cut last week and nobody asked me first." He was puzzled why this was an issue. Minnie explained that Bio Mom doesn't want it cut but that she doesn't exactly know why. Once the judge was able to ascertain that it had nothing to do with religion, he quickly gave it his blessing. Everyone oooo'd and aaahhh'd when I pulled out my phone to show the picture. They all exclaimed that it must be very hot and uncomfortable and heavy. Everyone agreed it should be cut. (I can't wait!! Bath time is going to be so much easier now!!)

Then we set about trying to determine when the next hearing should be. As of the last hearing (in May) we were supposed to meet next on July 1. Well, I think the judge wanted to skip that special hearing altogether and just meet at the next scheduled permanency hearing in September. The State, for reasons I don't know, insisted we meet sooner. So, we will be having court again on July 15. The reason for this special hearing is to go over, in court, therapy notes from the kids. This is not going to make the State very happy. The therapist believes the kids are best off left with us. I sure hope her notes reflect that appropriately.

During this conversation about dates though, the judge asked if everyone was going to be there July 15. He indicated this is a common time for vacations and he wanted to schedule accordingly. (Mr. Amazing is convinced the judge wanted a reason to push off our next court date.) He looked at us and asked if we were going to be on vacation.

I looked at the judge and said, "Well, we would like to take a vacation but I have to have permission from you to go anywhere. Would you let us go on vacation?"

He smiled from ear to ear and said yes! I told him we'd like to take the cherubs to Iowa with us. He said, "No problem. Kids go everywhere all the time. I just let some kids go to California." He said all he needed was the official paperwork and he'd sign off on it.

Minnie grinned like this wouldn't be a problem at all. (Boy I could see fire behind her smile though. I was removing all her power over me.) I smiled right back and said, "Is it a problem with YOU if I take the kids on vacation?" Almost through her teeth, but oh so sweetly, she said, "No problem. I'll just need an itinerary."

And that was that. We were let in to the legal case. Our lawyer is going to draw up a petition to terminate. Dolly gets a haircut. And we get to go on vacation. I couldn't have asked for better results!

I'm not an emotional disaster

There is something to be said for knowing that even though there is court on Monday, it won't be as bad as usual. Praise God I don't have to bring the children. (That, in and of itself, is HUGE!) Dude and Dolly are going to go to day care. Bart and TT are going to go to swimming lessons and then to a community rec center. The other awesome part about Monday is Mr. Amazing has to attend this court session with me. He's never gone before. He either works or stays home with TT and Bart to help ease their anxiety. But this session is for US. If all goes as we've been praying, we will be "let in" to the case.

I'm pretty sure I'll need to make a payment to Ms. Colorado soon. Her fee is $200/hr. for court appearances. (I'll be praying court moves in a timely fashion on Monday for many reasons now!!)

The puzzle is coming along nicely. Everyone races to the table when a donation comes in. Everyone wants to help put in more pieces. Dolly has found a few all on her own and points them out to anyone that will pay attention. Much discussion has been had now that Dude's bear is all together. Dolly keeps pointing at the other young bear saying, "That's my nose Mommy. I'm right there!" Thank you all for your help in this adventure!! Our family is truly blessed!!!

I'm actually looking forward to Monday. It's going to be stressful. But because it's not a placement hearing I know that I don't have to worry about the children being moved to Dallas. I'm slightly curious to find out if they change anything about the July court date though. Before we intervened it was determined that we would have court July 1 so Bio Mom could be there. Her parole has been revoked though and she's still in jail. If we are let in to this case without issue I wonder what will happen next. This process is so foreign to me and I'm told so little. I'd love to talk forever with my lawyer but she charges $100/hr. for that. So, for now, I'm just going to trust her to do her job and I'm just going to wait. (Isn't that just how foster care works anyway? We take care of the kids and wait for everyone else around us to do their jobs?)

I y'all have a terrific weekend. We keep holidays (especially Hallmark ones) pretty low key around here. Mr. Amazing is going to fire up the pit tomorrow to smoke a couple chickens and some ribs. We'll have a yummy supper for sure!!

I'll write again Monday!!  :)

Cultural Diversity

Rainbow came over yesterday for our annual "surprise visit". (Hardly a surprise. She told me a week ago that she had to do one this month and she called about 5 minutes before arriving to find out if I was home.) While here though, she went ahead and updated the ISP (Individual Service Plan) documents for both Dude and Dolly.

Upon arrival into Care, and then again every six months, our licensing agency is required to go over ALL the specifics of caring for the children. The document starts out with "Reason for Placement" and goes from there. I have to answer questions about many different aspects including:
• Child strengths
• Any diagnosis: psychological needs, intellectual functioning
• Characteristics of the biological family: strengths/needs/goals
• Primary treatment issues: behavioral/emotional
• Education: strengths/needs/goals
• Developmental strengths/needs/goals
• Recreational/social schedules
• Cultural issues
• Overall supervision requirements
...and any more things

Because of some conversations I've read on FB lately, I've been intrigued with the whole idea of "culture" lately. This ISP meeting really brought it to light too.

The ISP paperwork says this:

Describe activities provided in the home and community to teach the child about his/her own culture, affirm personal worth, protect the child's dignity, and promote the development of a healthy racial and ethnic identity

Rainbow has never really made me answer "how" we do this in our family. She's always just taken things she knows to be true and filled the space in. For example, Dude is able to interact with peers of his own culture at Head Start and at church. He is able to eat foods that are familiar to him at home and at restaurants. She also said that he will have the opportunity to celebrate various holidays with the family.

Yesterday though, Rainbow specifically asked me how we handle "culture" in our family. I had to laugh. I told her that the children are living IN their culture -- I'm the fish out of water here! She pressed me a bit to say that I serve Mexican food. I added in that we attend a multi-cultural church. But really, what else is there to say?!

I got curious so after Rainbow left I downloaded the Cultural Diversity training that we are required to take every year for our license. Forgive this long post, but I think it has the potential to open up an interesting conversation. I'd love to hear what everyone else thinks about this.

The training slides started with the following:
Race does not equal culture.
Ethnicity does not equal culture.
Gender does not equal culture.

The next few slides covered areas where there can be conflict with culture in families (particularly when kids first come in to Care). Issues can arise in these areas:
language
food
physical and social environment
house rules
smells
personal care

But then it went on to say:

Values are the fundamental building blocks of culture
Values are general principles or ideas, usually related to worth and conduct, that a culture holds to be important. The values of any given culture form the foundation for life within the culture.

What does this mean to Dude and Dolly?

They do not remember life with their bio family. At what point in time can it be said that they have adopted a new culture and that's OK?

Dude and Dolly came from a lifestyle of extreme poverty and neglect. Work was not important. Education was not valued. Family was not central. To me, this was their culture.

Is it important to continue to connect them to that?!

The State took the cherubs away from the Spanish language culture. They lied to me and told me the cherubs spoke English. It is not my fault they no longer speak Spanish. In the long run though, these cherubs now have an advantage over many others where we live. Most children learn English when they start preschool or kindergarten. It is because of this that most elementary schools struggle where we live! That language issue is huge! Dude and Dolly can communicate well in English and I believe it is ultimately to their advantage.

By now the cherubs have come to accept our food. (Prior to Care they had never eaten fruits or vegetables.) They are used to our physical and social environment. They know our house rules. The smells of our house are familiar to them. We dictate their personal care and they are OK with it.

So exactly what am I supposed to do to connect these children to their culture?!

Believe it or not, Rainbow asked me if I let them watch Dora the Explorer. I nearly choked on my water!! Watching a cartoon connects someone to their culture?!

Ultimately the annual training that we take says that we are supposed to:
• Recognize and respect the perceptions of children and youth in Care; and their families
• Support self-esteem and self-image
• Help children develop a positive racial identity

What do you do to support the culture of the children you care for? 
What does culture mean to you?
I'm very curious and I'd love an honest discussion about this!!!

Because to me, making tacos for dinner isn't exactly connecting my kids to anything!

Housecleaning

This is a keepin' it real post. I was inspired to share the "dirty laundry" when a mom I love started a conversation on Facebook about not having a Martha Stewart home herself. She wondered how other moms did "it".

I'm here to say – I do NOT do "it".

I've got five kids, a husband and a dog. We school at home. I work from home. And, I guess in all honesty, it's just not important to me to have a Martha Stewart-esk home. What I do have instead is a home where kids know they are welcome. Even though I holler more than I should, and I don't always let the neighborhood in to play, kids know I've got the band aids, they're welcome to come in a get a drink of water, and I'm here to help if they need anything.

So, without further ado, here's what my house looks like most of the time. And yes, this is what my house looks like when social workers come over. I don't special-clean for anyone but my immediate family if they're coming to stay for a visit.

This is what you see when you walk in my front door. I've got a box of books that need donated somewhere. Behind one of our loveseats is the mini-Hotwheel car track. Notice the sweatshirt on the floor? The hooks to hang it up are right above it there on the wall!

 Moving in to my kitchen/dining room you're likely to see sights like this.

The guest bathroom is on the main floor of the home. Dontcha just love where one of the cherubs left the toothpaste?!

The play room is upstairs. It is the responsibility of the cherubs to pick it up daily. But with four kids playing in it off and on all day long, it usually looks something like this. (And yes, we have an extra bed in the playroom. And yes, Dolly thinks it's a good place for all her dolls during the day.)

This is what Bart and TT's room usually looks like. Several times a month I insist that they clean it "to my standards". But most of the time it's got stuff all over the floor. Beds rarely get made in my house. I'm lazy that way and don't require it.

I won't show you Herman's room. Just imagine the room above only about 10,000 times worse. I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to fight the "room battle". I've got three rules:
1. No dirty laundry
2. No dirty dishes
3. No (dirty) garbage
If I can walk in the room and not find those three things, he can keep his room how he wants. However, if I find any of the above mentioned offenses on the floor, he gets to clean the room to my standards. (My standards require EVERYTHING to be picked up and vacuuming to be done.)

The upstairs guest bathroom is primarily used by the older three boys. You can't see it, but one of the cherubs forgot to flush. (gross!)

Dude and Dolly's room is usually the cleanest. Though, as they are getting older (and copying their older siblings) I'm having to make them pick it up more often. The younger four cherubs don't get to live by the three rules above. I do make them pick up more frequently. When Hot Wheels, Legos and tiny doll pieces live all over the floor I find it hard to walk through the room to tuck them in at night. For Bart and TT that's what they are often told. If they want me to tuck them in, they have to clean up their room. For Dude and Dolly, I just tell them to clean it up and they willingly pick everything up without complaining. (It's awesome!!!)

Last is my bedroom. It's HUGE! It's where laundry tends to live. (Notice all the baskets on the right hand side of the top picture.) I do pretty good of keeping up with the washing of the laundry. But there isn't a lot of room to fold laundry downstairs. (I'm not fond of folding in the living room due to dog hair.) So most of the time laundry gets sorted by kid and it lives on the floor of my master in laundry baskets. I swear I'm always washing it, folding it and putting it away but I never get caught up!! Five kids and a husband will do that to ya! The shelf in the corner is currently housing all the clothes my cherubs have recently outgrown. I need to sort, fold and put away those in our storage closet.

The blanket on the floor next to my bed is where TT sleeps most every night. His anxiety tends to be problematic in the middle of the night. He's got permission to come in to our room and sleep on the floor. He usually meanders his way in between 1:00-3:00AM.

The only rooms not represented in the house tour are the guest bedroom and the master bath. They pretty much look like the rest of the house. Dusting needs to be done. Dog hair is everywhere. And there are bits and pieces of life that need to be put away.

Lest anyone think I'm taking responsibility for all the mess, or that I alone will clean this house up, that is far from the truth. As each day goes on rooms get picked up and cleaned by the entire family. It just never seems to happen in every room all at the same time. My cherubs are responsible for a lot of the cleaning though. I just don't crack the whip and make it stay clean all the time.

I don't have much of an ending for this post. I just figured I'd share what my home looks like so y'all can feel better about where you live.  :)  I'm OK with that. I figure I'll clean more and have nice decor when the kids are grown. Even then I hope to have a home like my Mom and Dad that is set up wonderfully for grandkids!! Martha Stewart I am not!!

Staying in contact

I just got a letter from the Texas Department of Aging and Disability Services. When Pumpkin was in my care I signed her up for the Community Living Assistance and Support Services program. The waiting list is almost twelve years long! Pumpkin will never live on her own. She will always need care! It was imperative that she be on this waiting list. However, CPS never did anything to switch contact information for Pumpkin on this list. I'm still listed as the primary contact.

The worker that called me today was FURIOUS that the info. had not been updated by CPS! Her first words were, "We can't let Pumpkin get off this list!"

Praise God this woman has a brain and was confident enough to use it. She allowed me to update Pumpkin's file with the new information of her aunt and uncle. She kept Pumpkin on the list. She didn't make me (or Pumpkin's family) jump through hoops.

I'm so thankful I was able to be a part of Pumpkin's transition to her aunt and uncle's! I have their address and phone numbers and now Pumpkin is still on the waiting list to get services when she's 18.

Make your own hula hoops

http://www.jasonunbound.com/hoops.html

If you make your own you can expect to pay about $30-$40 to make a whole slew of them. (I got 11 hoops out of my first batch – keeping in mind I made several for small children.) Cost varies depending on the size and PSI of the tubing you choose and whether or not you need to purchase a PVC pipe cutter.

Hoops need to hit you when stood up somewhere between your belly button and your nipple line. Smaller than that (like almost all store bought ones) and they are nearly impossible for an adult to use. Homemade hoops are heavier too – which makes them easier to keep up.

The link above is what I used when I made mine. Other than the decorative tape (which wore off over time) they have held up perfectly.