Monday, September 27, 2010

My little angels

Well, things got pushed to the edge tonight. Instead of just talking to the on-call social worker (SW) while the girls were flipping out, I went ahead and asked the worker to come to the house. I felt bad having the worker drive almost an hour to get here. But I just didn't see things going well at all and I wanted to enlist some support.

It's an insanely long story that I won't bore you with. Besides, I'm probably not supposed to talk about much of this - if any. I am a little fearful of discussing the fostering details. I've seen blogs that had to be shut down due to legal issues, people suing over the content and things like that. So, you'll just have to trust me when I say that things were not going well.

The final straw was TurtleTurtle's refusal to eat supper. I knew that if she dug her heels in and refused to eat, MissArguePants would ramp up in ways I wasn't prepared to deal with. The several hour long fits really do damage to everyone in the house. In fact, Cherub 2 told me tonight that this is the worst thing ever in his life. It breaks my heart that he's having such a hard time being a foster brother. But deep down I know he's going to be OK through all of this. He will learn first hand what it's like to help those truly in need of genuine love. I'm not going to throw in the towel on these girls who so desperately need our help. I'm just going to have to clone myself so that all five cherubs get the love and attention they need I guess.

Anyway...back to topic. TurtleTurtle refused to eat so I called the SW and said they really needed to come to the house tonight. During the phone calls to get this all arranged, TurtleTurtle managed to regulate enough to come to the table and join us for dinner. She even ate without complaining. However, like always, MissArguePants had to get in on the action. I decided that since the worker was on her way here, I wouldn't stop her. I kinda smiled when I looked at MissArguePants as she refused to do something (I don't even remember what it was). I said, "That's OK. I'm not going to fight with you darling. You can take that fight up with the worker when she gets here." Boy did that feel good.

But oh my - you should have seen my angels after the SW arrived. Initially they were fearful and didn't want to talk to her. It didn't take much though for MissArguePants to show the SW her room where they went to talk. Then, with the biggest, sappiest, drippiest smile on her face, MissArguePants came back downstairs and asked me which bathroom would be best for her to take a shower in. Ya know, the shower she insisted she didn't need earlier. The shower she refused to take when I told her it was time to get ready for bed. Ya know, the shower every other cherub needed to take. But now I guess she was ready to obey with the most pleasant of attitudes.

TurtleTurtle went and talked with the SW while MissArguePants cleaned up. Then, the girls talked with the worker together. Then, with those same sappy smiles, they asked if we would come and tuck them into bed. What?! Go to bed without a fuss?! Go to bed without having to fight about something completely unrelated?! Go to bed without messing around in the kitchen to get a water bottle?! Actually go to bed instead of running all over the house and insisting you're not tired?! What?!!!!

Of course we smiled and said that we'd tuck them in. Mr. Amazing took the girls upstairs and started the process with the agreement I'd follow behind as soon as the SW was done talking to me. I'm sure that this worker thinks I'm nuts. The girls were so polite. You would never have known there were any issues with them today. They even drew her pictures while they were upstairs talking with her. (I think they figured out a long time ago to use pictures as a manipulative tactic. So many people just melt when a kid draws them a picture. Of course the pictures are nice. I've got all the ones they've made for me hanging up around my desk. But I've noticed that they draw pictures for every adult that they meet. It just seems a little fishy to me. Not bad. Just strange.)

Thankfully the SW was quite gracious and said it was a pleasure and an honor to meet our family. (Really?! You WANTED to come all the way out here at night after working all day?!) I'm grateful we're with an agency that offers up as much support as we've gotten so far. I'm actually beyond grateful - whatever word that may be. It is nice to know that someone is going to answer the phone every time I call and I'm going to get the help I need when I need it. It's truly a blessing. Now all I have to do is make sure all the support staff can get the girls the help they need. If they don't start therapy soon we all just might go nuts!

1 comment:

marythemom said...

My kids have what we call "Charming RAD" that means they're sweet, polite wonderful children... as long as you're not their parent/ caregiver. When we finally got the RAD diagnosis we contacted their old social worker - who just couldn't believe it! Especially about our daughter who always greeted her with a big hug and was sooo sweet.

I always feel so validated when someone sees their ODD/RAD behavior. I just know the school especially thinks I'm nuts. That's why I document, document, document like crazy. We've been investigated for child abuse once and one of my kids likes to threaten to make false allegations all the time. I need as many people as possible to know what they're capable of.

Mary in TX