I don't have time to post much today. The cherubs will be getting off the bus in exactly one hour and I've got about 3 hours worth of work to cram in to those 60 minutes. But I have to give a quick update.
We drove an hour to meet with a new therapist last night. And guess what...she's a REAL therapist!! She's kind, compassionate, intelligent, and most of all - she cares about the same things I do...the girls! She met with me first to get a quick low down on their history. Then she met with the girls. They played. They talked. They worked on some anger management coping skills. They started a behavior mod to deal with "listening". It felt good to hear the therapist agree with me that the behavior mod exercises will work better coming from her rather that from Mr. Amazing and I. She only wanted to deal with one behavior at a time so she actually does have a clue. The girls enjoyed themselves and didn't freak out when we got home. That for me was a huge indicator of the level of success this relationship potentially holds.
While the girls were in therapy, I got a chance to have a heart to heart with our agency director and the SW supervisor. They listened to me. They took me seriously. They totally accepted where my husband and I are at with this particular placement. They didn't try to sugar coat anything. It was awesome! I got my own little personal therapy session.
It was made very clear to me that the agency is there to support us. We are to call the on-call SW at any time!!! (Even if we have to call every single night - that's OK.) They promised me that if there's a serious problem, they could get a worker to my home very quickly. In fact, knowing that many kids freak out after therapy, they even offered to send a worker home with me last night. I declined as I don't want the kids to think that we can't handle things. But it was nice to have that level of support available.
We all want the girls to stay put if at all possible. I need to be honest here, the sexual acting out hasn't been anything more than inappropriate dancing and playing. I'd like to think it was picked up from watching too much MTV or something like that (but I know better). The physical nature of their aggression isn't dangerous either. It just seems that any behavior the girls had when they came to our house has been magnified over the last four weeks. So many of them seemed small and harmless enough that I didn't worry at first. Everything seemed quite manageable. However, I've watched the behaviors become so much bigger. I know that the acting out and the violence could do the same thing in a heartbeat. I made it clear to our agency that if it does escalate, I won't accept a 30 day waiting period while they try to figure out where to move the girls. It will need to happen immediately!
For now though, I went from feeling like a deflated balloon to someone who can function again. I've got energy I haven't had for awhile and a certain clarity in my brain that had been slipping. It's amazing how fast they can suck you into their broken world. I'm stronger though and I can get through today.
One day at a time Sweet Jesus. One day at a time.