Saturday, October 23, 2010

Family Group Conference

Friday morning started off with the girls going in to school to get their "Vocabulary Parade" costumes judged. They didn't get to be in the actual parade, but they did get to take place in the costume contest with the rest of their classmates. I was thrilled that the principal arranged things so my girls could go first. We scooted out of school with enough time to get over to the CPS office.

The Family Group Conference started roughly at 9:00. As much as I'd love to spill out all the details, I'm going to refrain. Let's just say everyone showed up that was supposed to. We were there for about two hours. Thankfully the girls only had to stay in the meeting for the "positive" talk. As we shifted gears and discussed our concerns, the girls were moved to a separate conference room.

The whole thing triggered TONS of behaviors. Immediately after the FGC, TurtleTurtle seemed fine. In fact, she wanted to go back to school. So, I took her back just in time for lunch. MissArguePants however was still much too upset and I let her come home with me.

The afternoon went OK with MissArguePants overall. She did process some. However, when all the cherubs arrived home from school it wasn't pretty!!! There were behaviors all over the place from both the girls and also from Cherub 2.

As far as the girls were concerned, it felt like the first week they were here. Arguments that had faded away came back in full force. Suddenly, nothing was fair. MissArguePants was on the attack for just about everything. TurtleTurtle went deep inside herself and didn't want to talk at all. As the evening progressed, the nervous giggle that TurtleTurtle has (the one that indicates she is completely dysregulated) was a constant sound.

Somehow, we managed to keep everyone from completely losing it. I was very thankful that Mr. Amazing was around to help. (I'm totally scared about how I'm going to handle this kind of stuff when he's in Oregon for the month of November.) None of the children had eaten much for supper - mainly due to nerves I think. I served quesadillas, to help regulate the blood sugar levels, for a snack. That helped tremendously.

The girls got their PJs on. Then TurtleTurtle actually told Mr. Amazing that she wanted to talk. MissArguePants decided to read stories to Bart. That left me free to talk with TT.

To make a long story very short, TT is trying very hard to figure out how his story parallels with the girls'. He doesn't live with his biological family. The girls don't either. THAT is about all that is parallel. But deep down, he feels some of the same pain they do. It's confusing for him to rectify that he is with us FOREVER but we are working towards reunification with the girls. He has been safe his whole life. His adoption was because of a decision made entirely by both of his biological parents. The girls haven't been safe and yet everyone is working hard to figure out how to put them back in that (potentially unsafe) environment. It just doesn't make sense to him!!

He was filled with such a protective amount of concern last night. It consumed him. It broke my heart. But it also is what I want for my kids. I want them to see the bigger picture. Even though we can't make any promises to the girls about what is going to happen, we can love on them right now. God's plan is bigger and better than anything we can imagine. I want my kids to see that they are part of God's plan of love. I think TT was totally "getting" that last night.

The girls did process their feelings some more as we went through the bedtime routine. MissArguePants isn't sure she wants to give her mom another chance. (I practically put a hole through my tongue to keep from interjecting my own opinion.) TurtleTurtle has no idea what she wants. Both girls are so conflicted. The pull towards their family is so incredibly strong (as it should be). I pray that their mother truly has changed. I do believe that everyone deserves God's grace and mercy. But both girls recognize now what true love feels like. MissArguePants told me she's never been loved before like she is being loved now.

MissArguePants says that it's not fair. If she had never been hurt she wouldn't have to go through this. She said it was a big, bad day. I have to agree. There is no part of foster care that is fair.


jendoop said...

Doesn't it make you want to love them all the more when they say they've never been loved before?

You handled things so well.

MamaFoster said...

i am glad that they feel loved. what an accomplishment for you to have made :)