All these things were heard last night at our first home therapy session with the girls. Most of it was not said in front of the girls. And of course these quotes aren't verbatum. But you can get the gist of it all...
It shouldn’t matter if I’m a man. The girls just need to get over it. They will be around men their whole lives...unless they go live in a cave. But even men will find them out there. It isn’t a problem.
I’ve seen hundreds of foster kids. It doesn’t matter why they were removed. They are all cut from the same cloth. They’re all the same.
Your girls are “chiquiada”. (Loosely translated it means they’re spoiled brats.)
Basically, they just need to get over it. They’re playing you. They are in a safe house now. They have no reason to be afraid at night. Sure there might be a trigger or something if the abuse happened in a bathroom or something like that. But it’s not the same bathroom so they really should be OK now.
I couldn’t imagine being a foster parent. Your hands are tied with discipline options. The system is broken. Sorry.
This really isn’t therapy. The girls aren’t going to speak with me. I can try and help you guys out as parents. But there really isn’t much I can do.
The other therapist does less than me. (Oh joy. That’s the court ordered therapy we’re supposed to start sometime in the future that he’s referring to. I have such confidence in the system now.)
(Speaking of bio kids – specifically his own...) Every kid needs to get beat. Not just with your hands over a diaper. Get out a belt. It’ll only take a couple times they’ll figure it out.
You have to out manipulate them. No, it’s not good parenting really. But that’s how you handle these foster kids. They’re so manipulative themselves. You just have to stay one step ahead.
This?! This is what therapy is going to look like?! My girls need help. They need to be in a safe place where they can process through the demons in their past and be given tools to help move forward in a healthy way. I can't be their mom and their therapist. Not effectively anyway. I don't have the knowledge or the energy. Not to mention the fact that I'm trying to parent five children and it's not possible to spread me out that thin. I'm going to need some outside help. Mr. Amazing is just that - amazing! But the two of us can only do so much.
I like our agency overall. But they're not going to serve in a therapeutic way. The last home visit ended with our worker making a "deal" with DramaQ. IF DramaQ can behave for a month...our SW will buy her a Taylor Swift CD.
A month?! I'd like two days in a row!
They need realistic concrete goals. Not just arbitrary ideas like "behave". And, due to the nature of the ODD, I think some of these conversations have to come from other people outside our family unit. Is that too much to ask for?!
Thankfully our agency just called me back concerning therapy from last night. I basically just read off the list of the things the therapist said. She immediately said that she would work on getting us a new home therapist. Whew! At least I'm not totally crazy in thinking that this wasn't a good fit.