Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Therapy?!

All these things were heard last night at our first home therapy session with the girls. Most of it was not said in front of the girls. And of course these quotes aren't verbatum. But you can get the gist of it all...

It shouldn’t matter if I’m a man. The girls just need to get over it. They will be around men their whole lives...unless they go live in a cave. But even men will find them out there. It isn’t a problem.

I’ve seen hundreds of foster kids. It doesn’t matter why they were removed. They are all cut from the same cloth. They’re all the same.

Your girls are “chiquiada”.  (Loosely translated it means they’re spoiled brats.)

Basically, they just need to get over it. They’re playing you. They are in a safe house now. They have no reason to be afraid at night. Sure there might be a trigger or something if the abuse happened in a bathroom or something like that. But it’s not the same bathroom so they really should be OK now.

I couldn’t imagine being a foster parent. Your hands are tied with discipline options. The system is broken. Sorry.

This really isn’t therapy. The girls aren’t going to speak with me. I can try and help you guys out as parents. But there really isn’t much I can do.

The other therapist does less than me. (Oh joy. That’s the court ordered therapy we’re supposed to start sometime in the future that he’s referring to. I have such confidence in the system now.)

(Speaking of bio kids – specifically his own...) Every kid needs to get beat. Not just with your hands over a diaper. Get out a belt. It’ll only take a couple times they’ll figure it out.

You have to out manipulate them. No, it’s not good parenting really. But that’s how you handle these foster kids. They’re so manipulative themselves. You just have to stay one step ahead.

_____

This?! This is what therapy is going to look like?! My girls need help. They need to be in a safe place where they can process through the demons in their past and be given tools to help move forward in a healthy way. I can't be their mom and their therapist. Not effectively anyway. I don't have the knowledge or the energy. Not to mention the fact that I'm trying to parent five children and it's not possible to spread me out that thin. I'm going to need some outside help. Mr. Amazing is just that - amazing! But the two of us can only do so much.

I like our agency overall. But they're not going to serve in a therapeutic way. The last home visit ended with our worker making a "deal" with DramaQ. IF DramaQ can behave for a month...our SW will buy her a Taylor Swift CD.

A month?! I'd like two days in a row!

They need realistic concrete goals. Not just arbitrary ideas like "behave". And, due to the nature of the ODD, I think some of these conversations have to come from other people outside our family unit. Is that too much to ask for?!

Thankfully our agency just called me back concerning therapy from last night. I basically just read off the list of the things the therapist said. She immediately said that she would work on getting us a new home therapist. Whew! At least I'm not totally crazy in thinking that this wasn't a good fit.

6 comments:

Leah W said...

holy crap.

i hope you are not offended by the word crap. i apologize if you are but that is the most fitting word I could think of for that therapist.

Maggie said...

just found your blog - fellow foster mom here.
OH MY GOSH.
Thank goodness they are finding you a new one - hopefully better than the last. It is sooooo hard to find good therapists.
Do you know any other foster parents in your area that you could ask for suggestions on therapists?
Goodness gracious. Good luck!

Mary said...

UNBELIEVABLE! Glad you called your agency- You may (or may not) want to take it a step further and contact your local professional licensing office and file a complaint about such unprofessional behavior so that others don't have to deal with the same insensitivity and disregard.

Cheryl said...

This makes me sick to my stomach. I just can't comprehend that this is coming from someone who is supposed to help people. Don't lose faith; I swear there are good people in the field that really can help you! It's just a matter of finding them....

jendoop said...

Everyone said what I was thinking! I would have been pretty low after a session like that, ugh.

I have heard of foster parents being so desperate for a good therapist that they pay for it out of their own pocket. If it would save you all that driving...? Maybe you could get a reduced rate because they're foster?

Lastly, with the reward of a CD after a month - why not make up a reward system of your own? I have info from our training(with charts) that seem useful.

marythemom said...

If you're a big reader like I am then I can recommend some books that might help. Basically we've had to become "therapeutic parents."

It really helps to have the support of a therapist who "gets it" though. Which this guy seems to be the exact opposite of!!

Mary in TX