Things are getting ugly at our house. Everyone is feeling the stress our two foster daughters have brought with them to our home. It is sad and frightening, scary and angering, and so much more that I can't even begin to describe.
Like I said in my last post, I don't like the way I'm starting to feel all the time. I don't like the anger level that permeates everything and everyone. We always said that we wouldn't foster to the detriment of our existing family.
But I don't like the alternative either.
We are at a crossroads. Something HAS to change.
The girls are either going to need to be placed somewhere else. Or we are going to have to do something different in our house. I'm just not sure what that different thing will look like.
In the meantime, I'm waiting for a call from our agency. They have to know where we are at with this placement. I can't let it be a surprise to them if we have to disrupt.
I'm praying A LOT!
And, like always, I'm waiting.
Yesterday was an interesting day. Many horrible ugly things happened. There was lots of crying and yelling and stomping of the feet. Mr. Amazing and I have decided that the girls no longer will be allowed to play outside with friends. (The girls don't know this yet. Please pray for me at exactly 4:00 this afternoon when I have to tell them.) It appears that they truly can't handle that level of freedom. More and more this is turning into the strictest form of residential care possible. And I'm just not sure I can successfully pull off that kind of an environment and still give my own kids who are both younger and older than the foster kids what they need.
As I pray, I wait to hear an answer. I want more than anything to be within God's will for my life. As of right now, I don't think we're being told that we have to maintain this placement. However, I also got two interesting bits of encouragement that most certainly came straight from God.
1. I got a call from the speech pathologist at the school. This was a little strange because the kids didn't have school yesterday. I suppose the administration still worked. It just caught me off guard. It seems that TurtleTurtle used to attend speech therapy when she was in this district several years ago. Now that she's enrolled back in the district, they have to have a formal meeting to determine if she still needs therapy or not. During the conversation with the therapist, she thanked me for being a foster parent. I've never spoken with this woman before. She doesn't know me or my faith at all. However, the conversation quickly turned to her saying that God will bless us and that she will pray for us. That meant a lot to me! Just knowing that people all over are praying for us gives me great comfort when I need it most.
2. A friend from my past, who I haven't spoken with but one time in over two years called me out of the blue to wish me a happy birthday. My birthday isn't until November. Through our brief conversation I let her know that we are a foster family. She took time right then and there to pray for our family and for our little girls. Again, comfort right when I needed it.
So....since I don't think God is going to send me a detailed fax letting me know exactly how He wants me to handle this situation we're in...I guess I've got to make my own conclusions. For now, I've got to let our agency know how serious the behaviors are and how our family is barely hanging on at times. But it looks like I'm not supposed to throw the towel in on fostering in general.