Saturday, November 13, 2010

Possible or Probable

I saw the girls at school yesterday. They were being dropped off by a social worker and were a couple cars ahead of us in the drop-off line.

Cherub 3 got all excited in the happy-go-lucky way that IS Cherub 3.
(I swear...he is the happiest person you could ever want to meet!
Except of course when he's ticked off. Thankfully that doesn't happen too often.) Bart was bouncing up and down he was so excited to just "see" them walking in to school.

I didn't share in his excitement.

I miss the idea of having the girls in our home. I liked their ages. I liked how they so perfectly fit in the gap we've got between Cherub 2 and Cherub 1. I liked having girls to help balance out all the testosterone that flows so freely in our clan!

But the ODD, PTSD, possible RAD, anxiety, depression, and more were pulling our home apart.

So here's my confession. I don't miss the girls.

I'm trying to not feel guilty about that. Every single person that knows our story has told me we did the "right thing". It's a difficult concept for me. I read so many adoption blogs from moms that are sticking by their kids through all that same garbage. I know that multiple moves on foster kids is really hard on them. I struggle with the guilt.

I'm not putting this post out there so I can get a bunch more of replies telling me we did the right thing. I'm saying this to simply be honest. Fostering is different from adoption. I'm going to allow myself that one "out". My husband and I agreed that we would not foster to the detriment of our legal family. The warning signs were there and we couldn't ignore them. Disruption of the placement seemed like the smartest thing for both our family and the overall safety of the girls as well.

For what it's worth, we want to stay involved in the girls' lives if it's possible. I'm not sure if they're capable of making the distinction of why they could still see me but they can't live with me. I'm hoping that with the help of their therapist they might be able to do just that. Because - after we disrupted this placement last Saturday - people in our agency and CPS worked a minor miracle and the girls still get to see the wonderful therapist they had been seeing while in our care. I'm not sure that would have happened if we hadn't disrupted.

Is it possible or probable that TurtleTurtle and MissArguePants will one day receive the help that they need in a more therapeutic environment?



MamaFoster said...

i was going to say the same thing you did:

fostering is different than adopting.

it just is, and we have to remember that.

Mrs. Fosta said...

It's just sad anyway you look at it.

I totally understand, you not missing the girls. It can get 3 year old FD has some emotional issues, although tolerable because she's so young. However, if she reunites with her parents and every has to come back into CPS care, she will be an emotional wreck and will likely suffer with many of the issues your girls did.

It doesn't reflect badly on you as a foster parent, because you have other kids who were probably negatively affected by the girls' placement in your home.