There are lots of different views about how to tell your children they are adopted. There's the view that the children shouldn't be told. It's just easier this way. If they don't know, then they never have to feel bad about it.
Frankly, that view scares me to death! It always has! But after reading The Primal Wound, by Nancy Verrier, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt how dangerous that approach really is! (Another book I highly recommend for adoptive parents is: Twenty Things Adoptive Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge.)
By not telling children their adoption story, you turn adoption into a secret. Something to be embarrassed about. You add more questions than answers. Because, eventually, the children find out. They always find out. Then, not only are they grappling with the whole concept of adoption, but they have to try and rectify why it was kept a secret.
Some adoptive parents decide to tell their children when the kids are "old enough to understand".
I'm not sure when that age would be. So, in my case as an adoptive parent, I wanted to let TT know his adoption story from birth. We began telling him his "Tiny Baby Story" when he was nothing more than a wiggly little toothless baby.
Once upon a time there was a mommy and a daddy. And they wanted to have a tiny baby.
The mommy tried to get pregnant.
But no babies came. And they waited. And waited. And waited.
Then God told them to become foster parents. At first this isn't what the mommy and daddy wanted to do. But then they obeyed. They took all the classes and got their license.
But no children came. And they waited. And waited. And waited.
So...they got puppies!
Just three weeks later, on Tuesday, October 14, a beautiful baby boy was born. His biological mom and dad made a difficult decision. They decided that they could not parent him. So, they made an adoption plan.
Then...on Wednesday, October 15, Mommy got a phone call at work. The social worker on the phone told Mommy all about this beautiful baby boy. She asked if we would like him to be a part of our family. Mommy said, "YES!! Give me that baby!" The social worker asked if Mommy needed to call and ask Daddy what he thought. Mommy said, "NO!!" Then the social worker told Mommy she had to go to a meeting but that she would call her back.
And Mommy waited. And waited. And waited.
Then, 15 minutes later (the longest 15 minutes of Mommy's life) the social worker called Mommy back. She said a lot of stuff to Mommy but the only thing Mommy heard was where that baby was and when she could go see him. Mommy said, "Whoa!" Mommy said, "Whoa!" Mommy said, "Whoa!" And she fell down on the floor at work and she laughed and she cried because she was so happy.
And that night Mommy, Daddy and Big Brother Herman went to the hospital to meet W*** M*** E***. But that's not the ending...that's just the beginning!