Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A texting conversation

There are things about foster parenting that you get "warned" about during the training. But can I tell you that head knowledge is totally different than experiencing the real thing?!

Join me in a conversation I had via text this afternoon with Pumpkin's mom....

Me: Do I have permission to take Pumpkin for a haircut? I would like to get her a trim and cut off the dry frizzy ends. It is entirely up to you though as I have to have an OK from you before I can do something like that.

Bio Mom: What happen to her on her arm i saw the scrape on her arm?

What scrape?! Hmmm...better check Pumpkin over. Oh, look. Here's a minor scab on her elbow. I never saw her fall and scrape it. Must have happened at school or something. Pumpkin has a hard time walking and falls pretty regularly. Could have happened anywhere I guess. I'll improvise...

Me: She fell down and scraped it. It was really minor. I think it might have happened at school on the playground. I didn't notice it right away.

Bio Mom: You didn't notice it?

Me: Not right away. It wasn't bleeding. The scrape was barely there. She didn't complain. It is healing fine.

In the back of my mind I'm screaming. Oh I'm yelling!
She is the mom that left her daughter completely unattended! Her daughter was found at midnight wearing nothing but a diaper and some socks. She was intoxicated and ended up getting arrested. But I have to answer for a scrape on the elbow that could have happened anywhere?!

Well, Mom changed the subject back to the haircut. I have permission to cut it "a little bit". I confirmed that I want to take about an inch off. She's OK with that. I'm going to make sure that CPS knows I have permission and I think we'll get the haircut done later on this week.

And just to keep things interesting, I sent a text to Pumpkin's mom as we finished up at the dentist. (We had gone back for a followup after the surgery she had a couple weeks ago.)

Me: We just finished at the dentist. Pumpkin is healing great from the surgery.

Bio Mom: Thank god  !  !  and you


Navigating the world of parenting is strange enough. This fostering stuff is a trip!


jendoop said...

That was a nice after thought kind of thank you.

Anonymous said...

Ugh! Scream it sister! That's the stuff that burns me up. But you're doing excatly what should be done. Considerate, respectful... even if it is absurd.

Our Journey said...

Oh I can so relate!!! When Little Man's parents were in the picture his mom did the same thing! It's their effort to gain some sort of control, but it certainly drove me NUTS! Now onto placement 2...haven't met them yet!

MamaFoster said...

oh wow. you are in as deep as i am when it comes to the communication. it is a mistake to get that close to them BUT i do it every single time. :)

CherubMamma said...

The communication lines got opened when CPS told mom that she could come to the dental surgery. Pumpkin's mom seemed worried that she wouldn't be able to find the surgical clinic. I felt bad and offered up my cell number so she could call if she got lost.
Thankfully mom hasn't felt the need to abuse having my number. She has only tried to call once and since we were in church I had the phone on vibrate and didn't answer. I honestly thought texting would be the fastest way to find out if a haircut was going to be OK or not. Texting seemed harmless enough.
And - in defense of mom - I don't know her intentions in asking about the scrape. I'm probably reading more into things than I should have. I guess I'll find out tomorrow. Mom and the CPS worker have a meeting tonight. Maybe they'll have to discuss the scrape too. (groan)
As it turned out, I still called CPS to double-make-sure a haircut is OK. Our SW told me that she needs to check with mom and be the go-between (even though she believed me).

Now if only I could get my hubby OK with the (overall minor) level of communication. He totally freaked out on me tonight when I mentioned the conversation with mom. Ugh.