Thursday, April 14, 2011

And...she's gone

As quickly as she came...CPS swooped in and took her away again. It's going to take awhile for the image of utter defeat and sadness that consumed Belle to not be burned in my mind. My heart breaks for what she's going through.

  • I contacted our agency first thing this morning letting them know Belle's sister could stay with us.
  • Our agency contacted CPS letting them know that the placement would be approved on their end.
  • All parties involved knew that Belle's wishes were to stay here.
  • Then we waited.
  • And waited.
  • And waited.
  • Around 2:00 I couldn't stand it any longer and called CPS myself. I was told that they were waiting to hear from the two agencies involved with the two little girls. I said my agency was in favor of the transfer and were awaiting the decision of CPS.
  • I called back to my agency and let the intake worker know what the CPS supervisor said.
  • She did her thing again to let CPS know that a transfer would be approved if that's what they decided.
  • At 4:30 I got a call from CPS. A decision had been made. The worker would be by in about an hour.

Belle looked so sad. And not sad like when my kid drops his ice cream cone. But a hollow sort of sadness that ran deep into her soul.

How do you explain to a ten year old that her desires weren't valued. I'm sure they have a reason. But when deciding between what should be two completely equal safe environments, shouldn't the kid's desires be taken into consideration? She had seen the other home. She had seen this home. It wasn't her fault she got separated from her sister. Why was it so difficult for CPS to consider what she wanted?

I'm never going to know.

I'm personally wiped out. Completely wiped out. I've got nothing. I was up until after 1:00AM last night doing the intake. I woke up before 5:30AM and couldn't stop rolling over all that had happened this morning. I became emotionally involved as Belle shared her story (all on her own I might add). And now...she's gone.

The answer will be "no" if we get any more calls in the next couple weeks. With all the recent respite placements and now this day with Belle, there have been too many comings and goings. I need a break.


jendoop said...

Don't feel bad, you are emotionally intelligent to realize when you need a break. We all need breaks. If we don't take a break at times like this we'll crash and burn in an ugly way instead.

I'm sorry she had to leave. It's so hard to understand much of anything that the system does. Your prayers will help Belle.

noisycolorfullively said...

Take the break, you deserve it. Prayers for Belle. Prayers for you.

MamaFoster said...

:( i hate this system.

Mary said...

Very sad that the child in question can't have a say in what is in her best interest! Virtual Hugs to you and Belle.