Thursday, April 21, 2011

I saw the girls

I wrote a LOT about my first foster daughters on my older blog (that has since been shut down). Needless to say TurtleTurtle and MissArguePants had a huge impact on my life.

I haven't stopped thinking about them since the day they left my house. That Saturday where I had to make a very hard decision. The one where I had to send the girls to live somewhere else. I had to make the hardest decision I've ever made in order to protect my legal family. Damn that Saturday sucked!

I know they left our home and went to emergency respite. That family would have taken them in "officially" but their CPS worker was being a pain about the family visits. The girls lived in the respite home for a month before leaving our agency and going to yet another foster family. From there, I stopped hearing anything about them.

I saw them tonight.

Their case plan still involves reunification with their biological mother (a person that has never...except for maybe the first year of the oldest girl's life...raised them). They are going "home" in May or June.

It hurt to see them. Physically hurt. I was washed over with a flood of emotion. I missed them. I missed loving on them. And at the same time - I didn't miss them at all. I really only missed the "idea" of them.

Taking care of TurtleTurtle and MissArguePants was the hardest thing I have ever done!!!

They looked good tonight though. I'm sure because of the level of mental illness they suffer from they didn't even make the connection why I was at the CPS office (picking Pumpkin up from her visit). They let me hug them. All I could do was tell them that I never stopped thinking about them. I never stopped caring about them. They were both quite disconnected from it all though.

I'm not happy that they are in foster care. I'm not happy that they are going back to their mom either. In this case, all I want to do is check the box that says "they should never have been abused". There is no good answer for them. These little girls suffer from extreme mental illness due to a lifetime of abuse and neglect. But at least I know how to focus my prayers for them now. I pray that their mom gets the help she's going to need when they come to live with her. She's going to need it!!

1 comment:

jendoop said...

That's the vicious cycle that an abusive parent sets themselves up with isn't it? The person least equipped to deal with a mentally ill child creates mental illness in their child with their abuse.

I don't know if I'm glad you saw the girls or not. If it helped you see them well and cared for then I am glad. God help those girls.