Everyone is working towards reunification for Pumpkin. Pumpkin's mom is working all the parts of her case plan. It is obvious that Pumpkin loves her mommy very much. It seems obvious to me the Pumpkin's mom loves Pumpkin very much.
Mother's Day becomes a sticky subject when you're a foster family.
Pumpkin cannot acknowledge this day on her own. So, it's up to me. And let's just say picking out a card for Pumpkin to give her mom was no easy feat. It's not exactly like she could be nominated for Mother of the Year or anything. I'm not trying to be mean, but I didn't feel right buying a card that spoke of all the things the child and mom do together. Or one that went on and on about how wonderful of a mom she is. Let's face it, when a mom loses custody of a child – it's a pretty big deal and there isn't a card out there thanking mom for showing up to all the visits.
After a lot of searching I found a simple card that says, "LOVE" on the front. On the inside it says, "one word says it all. happy mother's day." I'm going to let Pumpkin scribble on it and then she can give it to her mom at their visit tomorrow. It seems like the right thing to do.
I'm stuck though with a school project. I'd love to hear how you would handle this.
Pumpkin's teacher sent home a sheet of paper that is requesting a picture of her mom at the top. Then there are several things to fill out:
Name of Mom
Mom's Favorite Food
Mom's Favorite Color
Mom's Favorite Thing to do for Fun
If Pumpkin could communicate, I would simply have her give me these answers and, whether the answers were right or wrong, the focus would stay on her bio-mom for this project. I would turn it back in to the school without a photo and they could go from there with it.
But Pumpkin can't communicate. She can't answer questions. And I don't have the ability to give this sheet to Pumpkin's mom for her to fill it out herself. Pumpkin missed her family visit on Monday because of the seizure issues and the reaction to her medication.
So, should I avoid the project all together? Let's face it, I'm NOT Pumpkin's mom. They are working towards reunification. It's not my place to force myself into this role on the holiday. Besides, Pumpkin doesn't know the difference so I can't ask her preference.
Or, should I go ahead and fill it out for myself? Pumpkin will do whatever is being done with the project and the end result will come back to me?
There is a dance to be done balancing the fact that Pumpkin is a part of our family. I am "Mamma L***" to Pumpkin. I don't encourage her to call me Mommy at all. But right now she has two moms. The one that gave birth to her and the one that is doing all the day to day mommy-ing. Of course, if Pumpkin could communicate I would let her direct how she wanted to handle these relationships and how she wanted to acknowledge Mother's Day. But she can't. I'm curious to know...how do you handle Mother's Day and Father's Day as a foster family?