I think I'm more in shock today than I was yesterday.
I actually get to make plans. Not the kinds of plans like I used to make (for years in advance)...
But, I get to go Christmas shopping. I get to plan a third birthday party for Little Dude. I get to love on them for three more months and that seems like forever.
Of course my mind is playing in the dark corners it shouldn't.
What if they terminate?
What if they don't send the kids to Grandma's?
(They did say in court yesterday there are no other possible relatives to take these cherubs.)
What if they let us adopt these beautiful children?
I know I'm not supposed to think that way. And until yesterday I was totally ready for them to go live with their Grandma. (I didn't particularly like the idea – but I was as ready for it as I could be.) Now I'm not so sure that living with Grandma would actually be best. Maybe that's the selfish person in me. Maybe it's because that's what a lawyer and a judge said yesterday. Maybe...oh who knows?!
I put an "order" in to God several years ago. I told Him I wanted to adopt two more kids. I told Him that a little boy and a little girl would be just about right. I wanted a sibling group. I didn't want infants. In a perfect world they would be younger than my youngest.
I'm trying to not get ahead of "The System". Please know that I fully expect these cherubs to not be with me forever.
But I'm not canceling my order with the Big Guy.