Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Placing my order

I think I'm more in shock today than I was yesterday.

I actually get to make plans. Not the kinds of plans like I used to make (for years in advance)...

But, I get to go Christmas shopping. I get to plan a third birthday party for Little Dude. I get to love on them for three more months and that seems like forever.

Of course my mind is playing in the dark corners it shouldn't.
What if...
What if they terminate?
What if they don't send the kids to Grandma's?
(They did say in court yesterday there are no other possible relatives to take these cherubs.)
What if they let us adopt these beautiful children?
What if...

I know I'm not supposed to think that way. And until yesterday I was totally ready for them to go live with their Grandma. (I didn't particularly like the idea – but I was as ready for it as I could be.) Now I'm not so sure that living with Grandma would actually be best. Maybe that's the selfish person in me. Maybe it's because that's what a lawyer and a judge said yesterday. Maybe...oh who knows?!

I put an "order" in to God several years ago. I told Him I wanted to adopt two more kids. I told Him that a little boy and a little girl would be just about right. I wanted a sibling group. I didn't want infants. In a perfect world they would be younger than my youngest.

I'm trying to not get ahead of "The System". Please know that I fully expect these cherubs to not be with me forever.

But I'm not canceling my order with the Big Guy.

4 comments:

The Campbell's Journey said...

Its ok to have a lot of faith in the Big Guy! He tells us to be specific in our requests to Him. I am so happy that you get to have these two little ones for a little while longer. I have one that was supposed to leave in August. She hasn't left yet. So, I just enjoy her while I have her and try to not "plan" too far ahead. My heart is happy for you!!

MamaFoster said...

"three more months sounds like forever"...i have felt that same way.

so happy for you and the holidays coming!!!

Mama P said...

It's like Christmas-come-early! :)

Three months IS a long time in foster-speak. Who knows what could happen between now and then?

Celticqueen said...

I will put in a word to the Big Guy on your behalf, lol! It is hard not to do some wishful thinking. Enjoy the next three months!