Monday, January 23, 2012

Bart and Dolly

We're a foster family.

In order to become a foster family all members of our family needed to be educated about The System. I had to teach my kids the hows and whys of situations that result in kids coming in to care.

Now this doesn't mean they have to know all the intimate details of each kid that comes in to our home. It just means they need to know how kids in general come in to care.

Of course, when learning about how kids come IN to care, I had to teach about what happens to get kids OUT of care.

At dinner tonight I heard Cherub 3 talking with Dolly. They were discussing Grandma in D***. Bart was telling Dolly that after her mommy did what she was supposed to do, Dolly would leave her grandma's house and go be with her mommy again.

Oh my.

What to do?!

I grabbed Bart and rushed him in to the other room. I had no choice but to tell Bart that Dolly's mommy ISN'T doing what she's supposed to do. As things look now, Dolly will never go home to her mommy. CPS wants to eventually terminate rights.

Yes, kids are supposed to go back to their mommies after the mommies do the right thing. That's the way The System is supposed to work.

But sometimes mommies don't do the right things. And kids don't go back to their mommies.

I told Bart he needed to just stop this conversation with Dolly. All she needs to know right now is that her grandma in D*** loves her and a judge is going to decide in a few weeks whether or not she's going to live with her grandma or stay with us. Thankfully Dolly really didn't understand anything Bart had been saying. She went back to eating her dinner and the conversation switched without issue.

But Bart understood. His heart was broken. I could read it all over him. He just couldn't imagine a mommy not doing what she's supposed to do.

4 comments:

G said...

Poor Bart.

I have trouble imagining it, too, and yet . . . !

Thanks for reminding me to make sure my kids understand the realities of the process, not just the ideals!

noisycolorfullively said...

I love that our kids are so innocent. Simeon keeps telling Pink her mom's in jail because he was in the room when I was briefing Leo before Pink arrived. Even though I was talking in code, he picked up on that bit. Pink doesn't believe him and we've had to have several conversations about why I don't want him telling pink about her mom's current residence.

This is a part of fostering, I never really thought about when we adopted.

noisycolorfullively said...

I love that our kids are so innocent. Simeon keeps telling Pink her mom's in jail because he was in the room when I was briefing Leo before Pink arrived. Even though I was talking in code, he picked up on that bit. Pink doesn't believe him and we've had to have several conversations about why I don't want him telling pink about her mom's current residence.

This is a part of fostering, I never really thought about when we adopted.

The Author said...

Einstein is the only one that really knows that dad is in jail, Cookie Monster just thinks he is out of town. Its hard trying to let everyone know and/or remind everyone to just say that dad is out of town (all cw, counselors, ssw, etc).

And then when family brings him up, ugh thats another story! It breaks my heart that they would let them get that upset and cry.

If hes not coming then dont mention him!