Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Learning to stay quiet

I just got off the phone with the rehab facility that takes care of the therapies for Pumpkin. The kind woman on the other end of the phone said, "Pumpkin has her six months evaluations today in OT, speech, and oh, um...PT too. You need to come by the office today to meet with the therapists."

Oh holy potatoes! No notice?! When I've got two little ones?! And I work from home?!

So my answer was, "I'm sorry. I can't do this today. I need more notice than calling me the day of these appointments."

And then I was quiet.

Quite often I would try to fill the uncomfortable space with random apologies or just niceties. But today I tried really hard to just be quiet. I did tell her that I have little ones at home and a job. But that was about it.

So the kind woman on the other end of of the phone said, "Maybe you could come by this afternoon then?"

I literally responded, "You mean when my children are taking a nap? Um, no. I cannot."

And then I was quiet.

She didn't know what to do. She stammered a bit and said she'd call me back.

This year I'm working on saying YES more. I want to say yes to my husband more. I want to say yes to my children more. Even when my answer is no, I can phrase it through a yes. For example, "Yes you may play video games...after you finish your homework." And little things like cookies can be for breakfast. If you're only going to offer up one a day to your kids does it matter whether they eat it after breakfast or after supper? Yes is so much more fun.

And when my answer needs to be no, I'm going to work on saying "no" and then just being quiet.

The kind woman at the rehab facility just called me back. It seems they are going to go ahead and do Pumpkin's evaluations today. Then the nice therapists will call me on the phone with the results.


And lest you think I'm insensitive here... I believe the therapies are being done completely wrong where I live. They do NOT involve the parents in the process at all -- except for every six months when they have an evaluation. But I try, as hard as I can anyway, to stay in contact with the therapists more frequently than every six months. I call when I have questions. I try to mirror what I'm working on at home with what they are doing in therapy. So really, I know what they are going to find out in the "evaluations". I'm no dummy. And I don't need to waste 3 hours of my day sitting in an office with two small children so I can meet with 3 different therapists to find out that Pumpkin is still severely mentally retarded, she's making very, very slow progress, and they will keep working with her.


Cheryl said...

You did the right thing- I'm proud of you!

Mitzy said...

Way to go! Learning to stay quiet is a great technique to use in foster care and life in general.

There are always times for speaking up, but it is crucial to learn when to use silence too.

Me said...

I want to be just like you:) Foster care is new to us and I have never been one to say no but some of their requests are impossible. I really need to learn to say NO.

MamaFoster said...

i love it that you did what was best for you and the kids. sometimes "professionals" are just ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

Amen sister! My favorite thing to do when I get those last minute calls is say no and be quiet. If I can be accomodating, I will certainly try, but come on! I'm a person, with a schedule, not a nanny bot.

Mama P said...

You GO, mama!