Monday, January 30, 2012

Two weeks 'til court

Part of me wants to fill the next two weeks with as many awesome experiences as I possibly can.

Part of me wants to go into denial and just live life like normal. Total normal. Don't even think about it.

I really wish this story was ending differently. I really wish Grandma was trying to have a relationship with these precious children. I really wish I wasn't going to have to put these kids in a car with a social worker to have that person drop them off at a virtual stranger's house. I wish there was a way for it to be a healthy transition.

I can't even guarantee that the kids are going to get all their things. CPS has assured me that they will. But let's be real...I don't trust CPS all that much.

Will the kids ride in a car across the state? Will they go by plane? Will one worker take them by herself? Or will there be two? Will the kids even know the workers making this transition?

Will their grandma understand when the kids ask for Mommy? Will their grandma understand when the kids ask for Poppy? How about Herman, TT, Bart and Pumpkin? Will the grandma let them keep the things I send? What can I do for the kids to make this easier?

Part of me wishes it were just over with because I'm quite sure the waiting is going to be torture.


Cheryl said...

=( Yah, this sucks.

The Author said...

Hang in there CherubMamma!

Hoping and praying that the mean judge actually tries to do what is best for your babies.

or hoping that grandma changes her mind and realizes that this isnt what she wants to do and that it would be best if the babies stay with you.

We will both be holding our breaths and waiting on pins and needles.

Tears of sadness or joy and hugs of compassion, understanding, and sympathy will be shared, even if the judge decides different fates for our children.

And theres a Chilis around the corner for a margarita!!!

Mitzy said...

You are right the waiting is excruciating.

Will be praying for you every day.

Carrie said...

So sorry this is happening. We went through almost this same situation. Our littles ended up going to live with their grandmother in the next state who they didn't know, although they did get a few weeks of day visits before hand. She was never interested in a relationship, did not ask what they liked or didn't, what they ate, what they slept with, etc. The fact that she just "wanted" them and didn't love them about did me in. Nevermind that she was vocal about how she knew them better than I did (after 15 months). Praying that the judge sees what is the best for these children.

Mama P said...

:( My heart just aches for you. I am still hoping and praying for a miracle. A big fat miracle. A huge, unexpected miracle.

Realistically speaking, though, knowing what you are about to go through, I mostly just pray for peace and healing.

***big virtual hugs***

Have you had family portraits done? I would take a little bit of time to go have a professional sitting. I have one family photo of Me, Papa, Snugglebuggle, and our first two babies together and it is just a treasure to my heart when I am missing them.

MamaFoster said...

make them a book with pictures, mostly of them but some with you guys too. she might let them keep it. what's the harm?

CherubMamma said...

I would love a miracle. If it is in the best interests of the children of course.

I do have to realize that maybe, just maybe, Grandma does love them. It's not really up to me to determine whether or not her intentions are good. I am supposed to love them right now and leave the rest of it up to God. Granted, Got has to work through The System and I'm sure that is wrought with challenges. But it's how it all works.

Yes, we've had family portraits done back in September. I love them!!

And yes, I'm going to make each kid a book filled with pictures. They're really too little to do a formal "life book" as they don't remember a whole lot about life before Care. I love to do the books on They are so easy to do, cheap, and so very nice when printed!! I've made one for every kid that stayed more than one night (except respite -- tho I did do a book for a respite kid once too).

I want these children forever more than anything. But I'm starting to let go (in my heart anyway). I have to. Or I will go insane!! I know in my heart of hearts that the judge is going to send them to Grandma. It will shock me into intensive care if it goes any other way.