Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Mom doesn't understand

Here's another little tidbit from my home visit with Pumpkin's worker last week.

Pumpkin's mom doesn't understand that Pumpkin is never coming home.

I was pretty sure this was the case just based on what I heard outside the courtroom before the hearing. It made me sick to my stomach. I believe that Pumpkin's mom deserves respect. I believe she needs to hear the truth about the case. I don't believe Mom's lawyer has dealt with this case the right way. I believe that Mom has been snowballed about the PMC (permanent managing conservatorship). They told Mom that she would get more visits with Pumpkin but left out the details about the State taking conservatorship and Pumpkin never going home.

Pumpkin's mom called up Bluebell (the CPS worker). Bluebell is relatively new to this case. She's a seasoned worker who knows what she's doing. As far as workers go, I really like her. She listens to me and takes me seriously. She doesn't think she knows more about Pumpkin than I do.

Anyway, Pumpkin's mom was upset and was demanding to know what she needed to do to get Pumpkin back. Bluebell had to explain PMC to Mom. Mom didn't understand! Bluebell told Mom that unless the judge does something really strange at the next hearing, Pumpkin will never be coming home. She also stressed that CPS is recommending that Pumpkin never go back home.

From there Mom started crying. I guess she expressed a huge level of depression and said she just wanted to die. Bluebell recommended that Mom seek professional services to deal with the mental imbalance.

The relative resource here where we live is not going to be considered as a possible permanent home for Pumpkin. This leaves only the uncle half-way across the state. Mom does not want Pumpkin to go there. She's devastated. She says she'll never get to see Pumpkin again.

I feel bad for Pumpkin's mom. Not because of the overall outcome. Honestly, I think it would be best for Pumpkin to never see her mom again. I think it's great that a family member wants to step up and fill the need. They say they want to adopt Pumpkin. I just feel bad that things aren't being explained to Pumpkin's mom by the people that are representing her in court. I'm sad that she doesn't understand what's going on right now.

Pumpkin has a two hour visit tonight. I'm not looking forward to it. It happens between 5 and 7. I have to feed Pumpkin supper almost as soon as she gets home from school. Pumpkin will be upset after the visit. It will be subtle but she will struggle with basic communication even more. Usually she withdraws and doesn't interact with anyone in the family. It's so hard for me because I can't explain any of it to Pumpkin. She just doesn't understand and isn't capable of understanding. I do hope that Mom is stable enough at the visit to handle it well. I wish the visits were truly supervised. Yes, they are in the CPS office. But there is usually only one or two workers supervising as many as 8 or more visits at once.

Also, the State has decided that they will not be sending me with Pumpkin to visit the uncle in his home. I'm sure this is a funding issue. I find it very unfortunate. Thankfully the uncle is going to come and visit Pumpkin here sometime in March. But I just don't think a short (couple hour) visit will give the uncle enough time to grasp what it's like to care for Pumpkin full time. It's all they're going to do though. I pray this visit goes well. I pray for Pumpkin and her family regularly. Prayer is pretty much all you've got when you're a foster parent!


MamaFoster said...

ummm...is it a single uncle or is he married with a family?

CherubMamma said...

Married. With one or two kids I think.

At one time I was told that he was in the military. I believe that might be why he didn't step forward initially.

This uncle did step forward back in August or September (before Pumpkin went back home). The State pretty much ignored him then. Now though, he looks like the only option. He knows Pumpkin. Granted, he hasn't seen her in over a year. But he's familiar with her. He and his wife are committed to adopting her.

Needless to say I'm anxious to meet them.