Saturday, March 10, 2012

A stranger in the house

Morning = normal

Lunch time = normal

Nap time = perfectly normal

(At 2:45 Ms. Fowler arrived to speak with Cherub 2 = normal. New...but normal.)

3:15 Dude and Dolly are calmly awoken from their nap = normal

There is a small overlap where I spent a little bit of time talking to Ms. Fowler in the upstairs play room and the cherubs all played downstairs. Everything seemed normal.

The rest of the afternoon = wonky

There has been constant redirection necessary for Dude and Dolly. Dude peed his pants twice and he NEVER has accidents. Dolly is filled with nervous energy and can't get engaged. Instead of playing with toys, she is preferring to run around aimlessly and giggle that strange little giggle of dysregulation. Both of them have told Mr. Amazing and I that they love us about 100 times. (Ya know...marking their territory so to speak.)

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This is what it means to be a Trauma Mamma. Even the smallest of disruptions in the day can be major for our kids. We don't get to approach normal situations, well...normally.

When a police siren goes off, we check our kids and their reaction right away. We remind them that they are safe.

We have to reassure our kids that they will get to eat. Every day. Every meal. Every snack.

When we drop the little ones off at day care, our mantra is, "I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back," til we are blue in the face. When we drop the big ones off at school, we have to do the same thing. Because the adults in their lives haven't been back. Haven't been reliable. Haven't been safe.

When someone new comes in the house, we have to reassure our kids that this stranger isn't here for them. That they are staying with us and the stranger is leaving. That they are safe.

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While writing this post Dude just pooped in the toilet. First he started to freak out because he could tell what was going to happen. He screamed for me. Of course I came running - literally. I scooped him up and tried to put him on the toilet to do the deed. He was so freaked out he didn't know how to sit down on the toilet. He kept his legs together and poop went everywhere as I struggled. I hollered, "open your legs and sit down". As I placed him down he kept his legs straight and ended up standing in the toilet even more scared as poop continued to go everywhere.

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I've had my other kids poop in the bathtub. I learned the hard way that you don't use toilet paper to scoop the mess out. Of course my kids didn't like it. They were scared. But nothing like what I just saw out of Dude.

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Trauma Mammas have to do the detective work. Why is Dude so scared? I'm pretty sure (from his reactions to previous accidents) that these two kids got in a lot of trouble if they made a mess or if they wet their pants.

Dude and Dolly are also incredibly out of sorts because of the 15 minute time frame Mrs. Fowler was in the house.

They are too little. I don't think I could have prepped Dude and Dolly about Mrs. Fowler's arrival today. Besides, I certainly didn't want to make a bigger deal out of it than it was. I had no idea before the event that it would bother them.

Now I know. And thank goodness it's almost bedtime!! Here's hoping that tomorrow will be a little bit easier for everyone.

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