Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Weekend visit recap

Leading up to Pumpkin's weekend visit was a 12 hour EEG that Pumpkin's mom attended last Thursday. This was the first time Mom had "unsupervised" contact with Pumpkin. Granted, Pumpkin was on video surveillance the entire time so it wasn't exactly unsupervised. But I didn't have to be there. (whew!)

However, Pumpkin's mom was late to the appointment. The following is a text conversation that took place during the day on Thursday.

Me: Are you coming to the EEG?

Mom: didn't text me back but arrived about 15 minutes later.

At 7:41 she sent me a text.

Mom: Ya estoy en la clinica con Pumpkin
Me: ???
Mom: Estamos viendo cartoons

I decided to just not respond as it appeared she wasn't sure who she was talking with.

At 11:18 she sent me another text. This is how the conversation went:

Mom: Te necesito hablame
Me: This is Mamma L***'s number. Sorry, but I don't speak Spanish.
Mom: Hablame
Me: Are you meaning to text ME?
Mom: Si puedes hablar et tel. Estava ocupado hablame
Me: I don't speak Spanish.
Mom: Como estava ocupado ahorita
Me: I don't think you are texting the right person. This is Pumpkin's foster mom!
Mom: A culero a mi no me puedes hablar ?
Me: Lovely. Just lovely.

As you can tell, I don't speak Spanish. From what I figured out via Google Translator and some friends, Pumpkin's mom was trying to get someone to call her. The last line states, "To asshole, to you I do not speak."


After much thought I decided that Pumpkin's mom seriously thought the entire time she was texting someone else. OR she honestly can't read English (even though I used my actual name in the conversation). OR...maybe she was drunk and didn't know anything she was doing.

At any rate -- and why this is part of the weekend visit post -- I decided I wasn't comfortable dropping Pumpkin off all by myself on Friday night. Rainbow met with me so I wouldn't have to do it alone. I did not want to be responsible for making sure Pumpkin's mom understood all the medications and expectations. Having Rainbow there helped ensure everything was on the up and up.

Pumpkin didn't understand where we were going. Her mom had moved since Pumpkin was last home so Pumpkin didn't recognize where we were at. When we got to the door and Mom answered, Pumpkin was genuinely surprised. She was happy though.

Mom listened to all I had to say. I'm not convinced she fully understood. Her teenaged daughter was close by though and heard everything as well.

The weekend seemed very strange to me. I enjoyed not having to deal with Pumpkin. I'll be honest. I was quite nice!! But it was all very strange. I'm not done caring for Pumpkin. In fact, if she ends up having a seizure at her mom's house her mom is instructed to call me first and then CPS. I'm still the medical consentor. I would have to go to the hospital to sign paperwork and all. (I'm not trapped at home though over the weekends. Our licensing agency is the back-up consentor so they could handle things if I wasn't around.)

Driving to pick Pumpkin up elevated my anxiety Sunday night. It's weird thinking about driving to someone else's house to pick up their kid. It's not like we're friends and all in agreement here. I was nervous!!!

The pick-up was uneventful though. There were a few questionable things but nothing any legal system is going to give a damn about. Still, I'm going to document everything and save my report for CPS to read.

Pumpkin took one look at me and screamed, "NO," as soon as she saw me in her house. Then she pointed at me, looked at her mom, then looked back at me and screamed, "GOODBYE"! I walked over to Pumpkin to take her hand and she crumpled to the floor much like a 2 year old would do. I picked her up and put her on my hip. She fussed and hollered but I carried her outside.

Pumpkin settled down once in my vehicle. She was so depressed though. You could see it all over her face. I didn't know if she had eaten dinner but she refused food when I offered her things once we were back to my house. She played for a bit and then I went about the bedtime routine.

Monday morning was uneventful as well. Again, Pumpkin seemed very sad. But she cooperated with the typical school routine and I dropped her off without issue.

Once at school though Pumpkin ramped up her behaviors. (School has always been horribly wishy washy and they've given in to Pumpkin's fits in the past.) While outside first thing in the morning Pumpkin literally laid down in the rocks at the playground and fell asleep. In the classroom she fell asleep standing up. Pumpkin was also very agitated and didn't want to cooperate with normal classroom activities. Because these can be seizure behaviors, the staff thought it necessary to take Pumpkin to the nurse. Pumpkin refused to cooperate. She screamed, yelled and threw a fit. She wouldn't walk to the nurse's room. She wouldn't cooperate with a basic vitals exam. So, the nurse called me.

I explained the situation to the nurse. There wasn't much to say though. It's up the school to make sure Pumpkin understands this behavior isn't acceptable. And since we only have one week of school left, I'm not going to worry about anything.

I checked in with the teacher later in the afternoon. She said that Pumpkin got a little better as the day progressed.

Our afternoon and evening routines went off without a hitch. I have never tolerated Pumpkin's fits. If she's out of control (which rarely happens) I will put her in the corner just like any other child of mine. I also tell her to, "knock it off," and then I completely ignore her fit. She figured out a long time ago she can't manipulate me with crying.

So, that is that. A whole lot of nothing to report. I must say though, I'm looking forward to Friday again. It's nice when every child in my home can wipe their own rear and speak up for themselves. Special needs parenting is not an easy task. I appreciate the break!! And I have decided that I'm going to keep on praying hard for Pumpkin's mom to succeed. While I seriously don't think anything has changed since Pumpkin originally came in to care, I have to pray for a miracle. I know that Pumpkin wants to be back home more than anything. And I don't think the State is going to make a case against Pumpkin's mom (unless she seriously screws up one of these weekends). So, I have to pray that Pumpkin's mom has learned a few things about how to care for Pumpkin appropriately. Prayer is all I've got. Foster parenting certainly keeps me on my knees!!

When I picked Pumpkin up from her EEG Thursday night I did call her mom out on the text. Once outside by my car I said, "This is really awkward, but did you mean to call me an asshole or was that text meant for someone else?"

Pumpkin's mom looked mortified. She immediately said that she didn't have my number. I showed her the text on my phone. Then she tried to mumble something about someone else having her phone so I pointed out where she said she was at the clinic with Pumpkin and they were watching cartoons.

Pumpkin's mom never gave me much of an answer. She didn't know what to say at all! Which leads me back to my three theories. Either one would work but she didn't own up to anything. She just mumbled a lot and kept insisting that she didn't have my number.

I'm glad I said something. I'm sure she's not my biggest fan. But it's a lot easier if we can just pretend that we get along.


Mie said...

a better translation instead of "To asshole, to you I do not speak." is "You're an asshole to me - you can't just talk to me (call me)?"

CherubMamma said...

With that translation I'm almost positive she was thinking that she was texting someone else.

Either way though, it was still really weird!!!

Mama P said...

Wow! That's almost funny if it weren't so sad.

Glad everything was relatively uneventful, and I'll be praying with you for Pumpkin to have her wishes. It's amazing how these kids just want their moms.

Mama P said...

(moms as in biomoms...we are their moms too, but you know what I meant.)