Pumpkin's new worker came to the house this morning.
She stayed just long enough to share with me that the abuse Pumpkin suffered at the hand of her mother - at the doctor's office back in September - that was witnessed by an employee - and reported by a doctor - was never "founded". Legally, it never happened.
The judge (and this is the new one mind you) told everyone on Friday that unsupervised visits with Pumpkin are being suspended for now. But if they can't prove that Mom did the scratching and pinching last weekend - they will be started again immediately.
Now then...if abuse that was officially observed couldn't be proved...how on Earth are they going to prove abuse nobody actually saw?!
I'm done. I can't do it anymore. This particular roller coaster is too hard for me and I have to take care of myself and the rest of my family.
When my agency worker asked me questions...looking for an "official reason" to report for the disruption...I told her to go back to our original home study. I told her to see that we said we did not want any major medical cases.
I've been at this for almost 18 months now. I'm emotionally and physically drained. I think Pumpkin deserves so much better. She deserves for social workers and investigators to fully do their jobs. She deserves for lawyers to actually defend her in court. And she deserves a foster mom that isn't as worn out with everything as I am.
I'm not going to freak out if it takes longer than 30 days for them to find her an appropriate home. Personally, I just need to know there actually is an end in sight. I WANT to be a part of the transition. I am committed to being an advocate for Pumpkin. I might even become a CASA. I've already been told that if I did that they would have no problem appointing me to Pumpkin. But I'll cross all those bridges when they come.
For now, I'm still trying to recover from the hospital trip and all the craziness that is managing Pumpkin's case. I didn't come to this decision hastily. But the decision has been made and I started the ball rolling.
Words of encouragement are welcomed. If you feel the need to judge me though, please keep it to yourself. I'm already judging myself enough for everyone.