Wednesday, June 27, 2012

No news

I sent an email to Rainbow on Monday.
I know you probably haven't heard anything. And I won't bother you with a million phone calls.
Just know that I'm thinking about those three amazing children all the time and if there's anything I can do to restore things please let me know.
Thank you!
~ Cherub Mamma

She responded:
I hope you guys are doing okay. I haven't heard much about the investigation, but the kids are doing well so far. I will update you when I get more info.

Really, there is nothing else I can do. (At least I can't think of anything else.)

I'm doing OK (enough). I've spent the last two years under the thumb of foster care. I HAD to learn to let go and just let The System run the show. I can advise. I can help. But I had to let go more often than not. As foster parents we have almost NO say in how cases progress.

So I've been putting those skills into action. When I think about the children and my mind starts to race...
I wonder what they're doing?
Do they have toys?
Are they napping?
Are they crying at bedtime?
I hope they're getting to eat food they like.
... I stop myself. These are things that are completely out of my control. I've been doing a pretty good job of stopping and praying for the children instead. Then, I try to find something to do to engage myself so I'm not thinking about everything so much.

When my mind starts to race about my own situation...
How can this possibly end well?
What if this ends up on my "record" somehow?
How would I ever be able to volunteer anywhere?
What does this mean for my future?
This is so embarrassing...what do people think of me now?!
.... I stop myself. These thoughts are not from God. I am not in control of my future right now so it does no good to stew on the potential problems. When I can tell I'm focusing on me, I try to pray and shift my focus to God. I've been singing a lot of simple praise songs out loud. (The devil can't read my mind so I'm loud with my praise. I want the evilness of all this to leave my house.)

My house is a little cleaner. I've allowed myself to be a little bit lazy too. (Thus why my house is only a "little" cleaner and not spotless.) I'm taking things day by day and trying to not freak out. Everything regarding this situation is out of MY control.

Again, I thank you for your support. The comments I've received on my blog and on Facebook have meant a lot to me. And while these allegations are completely misguided, I'm thankful The System is doing something. Honest...I am. Every time I start to get worked up I am reminded of all the children that have suffered at the hands of their foster parents. And then I say a prayer for them too.


MamaFoster said...

i would feel the exact same way as you do. i do not like the way they handle these things...yet in some instances this what needs to happen (not in yours).

you know what REALLY bugs me? if the kids say anything like that about the foster home they are ripped out of it. if they say anything about their bio family and suddenly it is "unprovable".

Foster Mom - R said...

Praying for you and the little ones. Your a great Mama and God has great plans for you!

Mama P said...

***sigh*** Amen, MamaF!

openarmsopenheart said...

I've been keeping you and your family in my prayers.