Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Things I heard yesterday when I called my agency

In regards to Dude and Dolly:

Their worker doesn't think it's a good idea to move them again.
Yes. They are definitely going back to Dallas in September.

In regards to Pumpkin:

I'm not sure what her worker wants. I know she needs her therapies. But really, CPS doesn't care a lot about those sorts of things. She's in a daycare every day now. (Because suddenly that's better than a home environment?!) I don't know for sure what they are going to decide. The CPS worker is going to ask her supervisor. I'll get back with you.


I know I have at least one more big snotty cry in me for sure. The thought of never seeing my other three kids again makes me quite sad. I was pretty clear with Rainbow though – if they don't come back, we are done fostering. 

I'm getting ready to start homeschooling and the last thing I need to be sorting through is all the drama a new placement brings. Besides, our agency is still under probation so it'd be quite awhile before any kids came. I don't want to have to do all the mandatory training in the meantime if it's not going to be necessary in the long run.

More than anything I'm going to try and contain my anger. Three children had their lives completely uprooted for no good reason. Sure – investigate me if you must. But it certainly didn't need to take that long and the ties in my home with those kids certainly didn't have to be broken this way! The System failed yet again.

Originally I had thought we would keep enough training and what not under our belts so that we could be a respite home. I wanted to be for another foster family what Daphne had been to me. However, if I want to help out for more than two nights at a time, I have to maintain our full foster license. Again...I don't want to have to maintain that level of training if it's really not necessary. The training is inconvenient and insanely boring! Plus, almost all of it is an hour away from me. I don't want to have my full fostering license. I don't want random investigators to show up at my home ever again.

So I'll probably do what needs to be done so I can babysit and provide respite for up to two nights at a time. I told Rainbow I'll work only through her and only for her families. I know it's not much. But I got really hurt this time. I am going to sulk for a little while.


Mitzy said...

You've got to do what is best for you and your family right now, and I totally support you in that!

openarmsopenheart said...

Sounds really reasonable to me. It's been a really traumatic experience and I think that it's amazing that you're willing to consider anything at all after all that.

I can only hope that this kind of experience is the exception not the rule, and doesn't end up happening to the rest of us.


peaceliving said...

It's sad to experience the foster care system and how it fails the kids. We, too, are in your shoes. If/when our foster daughter leaves us, we definitely won't be foster parents again. Respite, probably, for as long as we can handle all the classes and such, adoption of kids with already terminated parental rights, probably. But not foster parents who feel like we're contributing to and supporting this system that uses kids as pawns in some kind of twisted game. At times I feel like being a part of it all hurts the kids more than helps. I don't know. So sad to hear you're leaving, but I totally understand.

nicole said...

Hard decisions. Gotta put the forever kids first.

Mandy said...

I understand.