Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Another Delay

When I got the call yesterday about Pumpkin, my initial reaction was, "NO!" No! No! No!
I don't WANT to do this fostering stuff anymore. No! No! No!

For Pete's sake...The System totally turned my entire life upside down this summer. And this upside down has been more upside down than just being a "normal" foster family. I was accused of abuse and my three foster children were ripped from my home.

Now... now "they" say all is well?! No citations. We didn't do anything wrong. Let's just go back to business like usual?!

But it isn't business like usual. The two children I was madly in love with are still in foster care but they aren't in MY home. And the one child who is so challenging to care for 24 hours a day / 7 days a week / 365 days a year is the one that IS allowed to come back to my home.

I wanted to stomp my feet and scream NO!

Instead, I told Rainbow that I needed to talk it over with Mr. Amazing.
I said I'd call her back right away.

The first thing I did was call My Genius Sister. I wanted her to validate my "no".
She didn't answer.

(And yes, I do often turn to My Genius Sister first. My hubby and I have an arrangement that he is just thrilled with. If I need to "process" something difficult he's totally OK with me calling My Genius Sister first. That way I can get all the word vomit out of my system. When I talk to him about the situation at hand I'll have things narrowed down to a better Reader's Digest sort of version. I have a tendency to want to talk a lot more than Mr. Amazing does.)

I had to talk to someone though. And since this is something Mr. Amazing and I really needed to officially decide together, I called him.
He didn't answer. I was just plain freaking out. This was a huge decision! I had to process! I had to decide!! Aacckkkkk!!!

I sent a text message to Mr. Amazing.
I sent a text message to My Genius Sister.

Neither one answered me.

Then I did what I should have done all along.
I prayed.

God answered me. He told me to wait for Mr. Amazing.

I didn't like that answer. I'm not a fan of being told to wait.

The longer I waited the more freaked out I got. I kept praying. God kept telling me to talk to my husband. I tried to reason with God and tell Him that I promised Rainbow that I'd call her right back. He practically laughed at me and then reminded me that The System kept me in limbo for 6 weeks. If they have to wait 60 minutes for an answer that will be OK.

I waited for what seemed like forever when finally Mr. Amazing sent me a text back: "I think it's best for her to come back. She will get her services and go to the same school. Plus it might help me not feel like a failure with this."

I had an immediate peace. Followed with an immediate sense of insanity. We sent several text messages back and forth. He seemed so calm and ready to dive back in. So, I trusted Mr. Amazing and called Rainbow with our answer.
She didn't answer.

It seems no one wanted to actually talk to me about any of this!

I sent Rainbow a text letting her know our answer. After much delay she called me back to let me know how the transfer back to our home would work.

As is typical of The System, nothing can go smoothly.

I am in need of my CPR / First Aid training class. My two year card expired late July. I had originally planned on getting the training in June when it was offered at our agency. However, my agency cancelled that class. When Rainbow told me this I was miffed. How was I going to get this training?! Yes, I suppose I could try and find a class through the American Heart Association or something. But that would cost me money and training through our agency is free. I couldn't take the upcoming class in July because I was going to be out of state.

Rainbow said that it really wouldn't be a problem. She said I could take the class being offered August 11 and all I'd get is a very minor cite on my file. And because of the circumstances being out of my control, it wouldn't be an issue.

Apparently it is an issue now. Pumpkin can't come back to my home until I complete the refresher class.

In a way I was relieved. I have to do a few things to get ready to foster again. Medicines that have made their way out of the lock box need to find their way back in. I have to unpack all of Pumpkin's things. I have to bring her toys back down to the main floor living room. I have to prepare my heart and mind for all that this is going to do to our family.

So, as is typical of The System, there is another delay for me to weather. Pumpkin will come back to our home on Saturday as soon as I'm finished with CPR / First Aid. For this particular wait though, I guess I am grateful.


Mandy said...

As much as you can enjoy your easy days. I am amazed and not surprised (at the same time) that you are diving back in.

I was so excited to read that you knew God was laughing at you. I have had that response too. It's the first time I have ever had anyone else share that thought.

sheldonanddenise said...

You are so brave and so amazing.... way to "die to self" and listen to what matters most to God - showing love to His children, despite your discomfort! You inspire me! Blessings, Denise