Wednesday, September 5, 2012

How the visit went

I told the children that we had to go to the CPS office in their hometown. I was honest with them. I told them I did not know who was going to be there. I simply said that Minnie (their CPS worker) said they needed to come.
  • Bio mom showed up.
  • Great Grandma came too. (whew!)
  • Dude was pissed off! Not sure at who. But he didn't want to have anything to do with his mom!! In fact, he didn't lighten up in the visit and interact with mom until he realized that I never left the building. (I stayed in a conference room with TT and Bart and we worked on a little bit of school.)
  • Mom walked Dude and Dolly to the bathroom part-way through the visit. Dude walked past the conference room I was in, pointed at me and announced to everyone, "there's my mommy!"
  • The visit ended when Dude announced he was done and wanted to leave. It was only a few minutes short of the allotted two hours but they went ahead and ended the visit early.
  • Neither child was upset upon leaving. I drove Great Grandma back to her house and the kids got to spend a couple extra minutes with her around. Awkward enough, bio mom is currently living with Great Grandma. However, when mom's ride dropped her off at the home, bio mom completely ignored the children in my vehicle. (This is probably a good thing as bio mom is not allowed contact with the children outside of the CPS office.)
  • Great Grandma helped explain the family tree a bit more. I better understand who is who, who is living with who, and what bio mom has been up to since she got out of jail several weeks ago. (It's not good. Mom is still making bad choices!)
  • The ride home was uneventful for the children. They seemed less phased by the visit than what I had anticipated.
  • I called Rainbow on the way home. We discussed what Minnie has told both of us. It should make for an interesting day at court next Monday.
According to Rainbow, Minnie told her that the reason Mom wanted to see the kids is so she could make a decision about whether or not Mom still wants them to go to Dallas or not. Putting this information together with the fact that Minnie told me that the lawyer probably isn't going to "go for" this move to Dallas just yet – it seems like we might be starting all over at square one. Who knows?! Would the State really think about reunification with Mom? I've been told that is a resounding NO! I've also been told that bio dad is NOT an option either. Neither one have completed the necessary services for reunification. It's either us or Grandma N in Dallas.

The afternoon went better than I expected. Dude also tossed in a bit of a twist. Any frustration he was harboring toward me is long gone! He has announced multiple times that he wants to live with me forever. I've also been told more times today that he loves me than he's said over the past three weeks combined.

Story time brought up one of the crappy parts of foster care though. It finally triggered Dolly's big feelings. They wanted to read their new Halloween books that we bought at the book store this afternoon. Dolly started in talking about all she wants to do during Halloween. Because I'm always honest with my kids I had to share the hard truth. I don't know where they are going to be this Halloween. I told her that I'm sure Grandma N would celebrate Halloween; but I couldn't promise it. Dolly understood the depth of this statement and got very, very sad.

The children have been here over a year. They yearn for consistency and tradition. The kids have been talking about a lot of things over the past three weeks. They realize they missed out on vacation to Iowa this summer and have been asking if they will get to go later. They ask if they can go to the zoo again. They've asked to go to the beach, to Sea World and all kinds of other places we've gone before.

My hands are tied though. Court is on Monday. I can't promise a trip to the zoo. I certainly can't take them to Iowa. And I'm not able to run up to Sea World either. But none of these trips are out of the equation over the next four months. They've heard the boys talking about going to Iowa over Christmas. The cherubs want to go too.

But here I am. Stuck. All I can say is, "I don't know". And, "it's up to the judge."

And then, because The System is as twisted as it is, I feel like I should tell the children (and I do tell them), "If you want to stay with Mamma L*** and Papi S***, you have to tell your lawyer." No preschool children should be put in this position. But I know their lawyer will ask them on Monday. The kids need an answer.

Because especially now, if Mom is wavering on whether or not she wants the kids to go north, if they look at their lawyer and say they want to stay....well then, they just might stay awhile longer.

Dude is upstairs in bed with a smile on his face. Almost like he was a year ago, he doesn't understand why his sister is crying.

Dolly on the other hand has so many emotions she doesn't know what to do. I sat up with her for nearly 1/2 an hour. Dolly kept trying to stifle her cries. She didn't know how to talk about the overwhelming amount of emotion she is dealing with. The only thing she could manage to muster when I asked her if she wanted to talk was, "Halloween". That's all she could say. And this is so much more than whether or not she's going to have Halloween at our house or not. Eventually, I just had to hug and kiss one more time and leave her alone. She's finally allowing herself to cry. I'm quite sure she's going to cry herself to sleep.

Foster care sucks!

4 comments:

Mitzy said...

I feel like crying myself to sleep after reading this. This so called "system" is a real kick in the heart sometimes.

Our Journey said...

Simply heartbreaking :(

CandCFamily said...

Poor kids! So much trauma in their short lives. You seem to be handling it great!

Susan said...

Wow, that is gut-wrenching. Praying for you all!!