Monday, September 17, 2012

Maybe I jumped the gun

Bedtime tonight was another logical time to talk about the visit to Dallas this weekend.

It seems I may have jumped the gun. Both cherubs insisted that Papi J slept at a different house. They seemed genuine too. Not sure why I got the story I did this morning. But tonight, they were singing a different tune.

Dude very much insists that he still wants to stay here forever. (We had to talk about when court would be next. He's trying to figure out this whole system.) ((Good luck buddy!))

Dolly seemed settled enough. Not too emotional. Not too freaked out. But contemplative. Her take on things was different from Dude's. She looked up at me tonight and said, "You happy I'm back Mommy." She won't let me in on her emotions but she wants to know what mine are.

All in all, today wasn't too bad from the little cherubs. It's more me. And I know that.

It's hard to share them. They've been mine for over a year with hardly a blip in the radar from their bio family. They knit themselves to me. I don't want to unravel all that.

But, sure enough, Bio Mom called to confirm her visit for tomorrow morning. Looks like I'll be packing up the homeschool and heading an hour west so Dude and Dolly can see their mom again.

So share them I will. With a Bio Mom that has barely seen them since they came in to Care. With a Bio Mom who already missed one appointment last week concerning her Service Plan. With a Grandma that has NEVER initiated contact of any kind with the kids. And with a Bio Dad that just got out of prison.

Sharing really sucks sometimes!

4 comments:

MamaFoster said...

yes. it does

peaceliving said...

I hear you. And just because we got ourselves into this fostering mess doesn't make it any easier to deal with emotionally.

peaceliving said...

I hear you. And just because we got ourselves into this fostering mess doesn't make it any easier to deal with emotionally.

Mama P said...

Absolutely sucks. I also absolutely agree with you that sometimes it is nice to be able to let go of the bonus kiddies, when it's out of your control.

If you want to know a horrid horrid HORRID confession that keeps me up at night sometimes, Papa and I are planning a birthday weekend away for Snuggle, and do not plan on taking Teddy or LittleStar...and they're not even bonus - they're going to be OURS.

Sometimes we need a day to not deal with everything.