Friday, September 14, 2012

Their first weekend visit

Minnie is going to be here in about and hour to pick up the littlest cherubs. They are off to the airport on their first weekend visit with their paternal grandma. The State is calling it a monitored visit because Minnie is taking them there, will be staying in Dallas, and then will fly back with the kids on Sunday. However, I'm quite sure Minnie will NOT be doing anything social work related during the visit.

Dolly is conflicted. By Monday night (after court) she said she wanted to go live in Dallas. I smiled, gave her a hug, and said, "I know you do baby". She cried herself to sleep that night.

By Tuesday morning Dolly was all hugs and kisses and came up to me many different times before she left for school to tell me, "Mommy, I want to stay here. I want to live here."

The cherub is drawn to her biological family – just like every other single human being on the planet!!! But ultimately, she's also drawn to us...the family she actually KNOWS. This very limited contact with the people she's related to confuses her.

So, for the most part, Dolly is OK with this weekend visit. She understands it is temporary and she's very curious. She wants to see what it's like in Dallas. She wants to see what this grandma person is all about.

Dude on the other hand must have told me half a dozen times during the bedtime routine last night, "I don't want to go to Dallas. I want to stay here!!!"

All I can do is reassure him that I'm not going anywhere and that he is coming back. I even told him, "It's not like it was this summer buddy. It's not like when you had to go to Mamma R's house. The judge says you are staying with ME Dude. You WILL be coming back. I'm still going to be your mommy for now."

He's OK with that answer. But he's definitely not thrilled with it! I'm a bit curious to see if he's going to throw a fit when Minnie comes this morning.

As far as both cherubs are concerned, I tell them that it's their job to talk to their lawyer about all of this. Depending on the fallout when they get back, I might try to schedule that "out of court" visit the lawyer mentioned that she wanted. I think a visit with their lawyer fresh off of a visit to Dallas would be a good thing. Otherwise, they might not be able to talk about it at all.

And yes, even if both kids come back from this visit saying they want to move to Dallas forever, I'll let them talk to their lawyer. In no way am I going to complicate things with my own agenda. Because...honestly...I don't have an agenda other than advocating for these cherubs' best interests! The State wants them to go to Dallas. They want this case out of their hands. They just want to be done. Something pretty awful would have to happen at Grandma's house for her to no longer be a permanent option for these kids. So unless that pretty awful thing happens soon, it's better for the cherubs in the long run for them to be OK with moving to Dallas.

I've had to keep my own emotions in check some. I'm bitter. Being perfectly honest here – I don't want to share these cherubs. All they've known for the past 15 months is me and my family. (Except for Mamma R's during what I think I'll refer to as the Summer From Hell!!) But this is Foster Care Land and it rarely makes sense. Thankfully, I'm not in fear of how the children are going to be treated this weekend. Most of my fears are very minor compared to the other things I've read about visits in Foster Care Land. But I'm still bitter. I don't like making these kids go through this. Is "biological family" always best?! Is it best for these kids?! Personally...I don't think so. And that makes this visit difficult for me.

But I'm going to get through it. This is a minor blip on the screen in Foster Care Land. Dude and Dolly have done better this week than I thought they would coming off of court on Monday. I know they will get through the weekend just fine. We'll process and move forward when they get back. I'm sure we'll have to process a LOT! But we will. I'm glad the kids are with us through this. I'm very glad they came back. Our home is a safe place for them to express all their emotions.

And to keep my mind off of things while they're gone ---
I was able to secure respite care for Pumpkin. (Because yes...she's still here. The State couldn't possibly be moving any slower in getting her transitioned to her aunt and uncle's house!)
The Core Family (me, Mr. Amazing, Herman, TT & Bart) is going to Six Flags this weekend!!! We're taking off first thing tomorrow morning to go have some big kid kind of fun and I can't wait! With all the Hell that was this summer, I never felt like we got to do anything fun together. Yes, we went to Sea World the weekend the kids were ripped away from us. It was fun, but I still had Hell hanging over my head the entire time. And it hasn't exactly been easy transitioning back to the kids being here again now that our names were cleared. School....a visit with bio mom...court...bio dad was there...aaccckkkk!!

So I figured we'll get away as a group of big kids this weekend to go play.

Pumpkin would not be able to enjoy 99% of the park. Nor will she "miss" going as she doesn't understand. And as far as the little cherubs are concerned...my big kids have been instructed that we will not discuss our activities directly with them. They will know we went somewhere. I'm not asking my big kids to lie! But nothing will be rubbed in their faces. They went to Dallas. We went to San Antonio. I'm hoping it can be a non-issue to the littles.

But for me and my core family – I'm hoping to reunite some. Reward ourselves for the hard work we've all be doing. Really enjoy ourselves for a couple days.

We have to be back by Sunday at 5:00. So as much as I'm going to hate saying goodbye in about an hour to Dude and Dolly, I'm glad we decided to do this mini vacation. I've got something to look forward to too!!

3 comments:

Foster Mom - R said...

Enjoy. Enjoy. Enjoy. This much needed break! I know how it feels to just want an end, a break, and to protect. Prayers for all of you.

MamaFoster said...

hope you guys have fun. all i can say is i understand and whatever happens...well, you will live through it and hopefully it will be better than you think it will.

fosterfull said...

I hope you guys have a great weekend... And I will say a prayer for the Cherubs' safety, and for a good follow-up visit with that new attorney.