Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Visits can really stink

Dude and Dolly's mom is supposed to get one court ordered two hour visit in the CPS office per week. We established that these visits would be on Wednesdays from 1:00PM to 3:00PM. All Mom has to do is call CPS within 24 hours to confirm that she will be coming to the visit.

I started calling the CPS at 4:00 today to see if Mom confirmed or not. I'm not going to keep the kids out of school and drive an hour west if Mom isn't going to be there.

After a couple of attempts, Minnie finally answered the phone and said that no, Mom hasn't confirmed the visit. She stammered a bit and said, "No, there won't be a visit. Well...unless Mom calls." I gently reminded her that Mom is supposed to call within 24 hours of said visit. Minnie said, "Oh. That's right. No. No there won't be a visit."

She then followed with, "You know how we said the kids would go to Dallas the first weekend of the month? Well, I've got training this Friday so we're going to do it the next weekend."

Oh shit. Um. NO. You never did confirm when the next Dallas trip would be. In all reality, I assumed there wouldn't be another Dallas trip.

This timing TOTALLY sucks. Dude and Dolly are going to fly off to Dallas on the very day that my family will be arriving from Iowa. You know – the family that actually pays attention to them all the time. The family that calls. The family that sends presents. The family that actually visits. My mom and dad, who live 1255 miles away, have actually had more contact with Dude and Dolly since they came to live with us than any of the rest of Dude and Dolly's bio family.

Nevertheless, the visit to Dallas has been scheduled. And the visit to Dallas must be kept. Dude and Dolly are just going to have to miss out on seeing the family they actually know and love. (And yes, this is how I worded it to Minnie.)

Now on to the other part of visits that totally stink...

Great Grandma P called me this afternoon. I didn't take the call initially because I was on a different call when she rang in. She left a message asking if we were going to be in town for a visit tomorrow.

What do I do?

Bio Mom is couch surfing but is primarily staying with Great Grandma P. If I get GGP involved in this whole visit fiasco, she could end up enabling Bio Mom more than she should. Then this whole case will drag out even longer. If I call GGP back and tell her that we aren't going to be there because her granddaughter didn't call in -- she's likely to try and get her granddaughter to call in and try to keep the visit.

But...then again...she might not.

Either way, I don't want to risk it.

I feel just awful ignoring Great Grandma P. In fact, I feel so awful about it that I did call her back once. She just didn't answer so I hung up. When she called back, I let it ring again. I absolutely adore Great Grandma P. But I think it's wrong to put her in the middle of the whole visit mess and I'm not sure what I'd tell her if I did actually talk to her.

Do you think I did the right thing?


MamaFoster said...

for right now you probably did the right thing

Adopt2FosterMommy said...

yes! and you did @ least attempt to call back...

Foster Mom - R said...

You can't do everything for everybody. It's not your job to inform GGP. And you are correct the more visits the more it drags these kids through the system. GGP isn't entitled to visits, isn't part of the case, and isn't doing the kids favors by forcing their Mother to see them when clearly she can't get her act together.

Also I agree. Visits

Mama P said...

I believe you did the right thing. My kids' teacher does not call me every day to tell me what he did wrong, and I do not call her every day to ask her if he has any homework he was supposed to do that I didn't know about.

Poor GGP. It's BioMom's responsibility to let her know if they're visiting or not, as hard as it is for you to be on that guilty-feeling end of it.


orphanmother said...

I believe it is the caseworkers responsibility to arrange family visits. I can't believe that the bio family even has your phone number.
Even a great relationship should entitle you to your privacy. You for sure did the right thing.

If the grandmother calls back maybe even say that you don't feel comfortable sharing information with the current situation, and suggest the grandmother call the caseworker. That you respect her and think she is a great person for the children to have in their lives, but you cannot authorize a visit.

I learn so much from you, keep up the blogging!