Thursday, December 20, 2012

Family

We are almost all packed for our trip to Iowa. A blizzard hit the Midwest today so we are guaranteed to have snow. All my cherubs are super excited. I cannot wait to see my family!!
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I haven't heard anything from anyone about Bio Mom not wanting Dude & Dolly to go to Dallas. I'm betting she didn't end up calling her lawyer. I'm done worrying about this case right now. I'm not even going to try and contact the cherubs' lawyer again. I'm just plain done. I've tried to advocate for them as best as I can. They are either leaving me in a little over two weeks or they aren't. I just have to do my best to enjoy what is happening right now as much as I can. I'm going to try and pretend they're staying. But they'll probably go. Family trumps foster 9 times out of 10.
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We got a phone call today about a case on the other end of the spectrum of Dude and Dolly. His name is Woody. He's 19 years old. Parental rights have been terminated. He's been in Care since (at least) the year 2000. He's a good kid but Rainbow doesn't know a lot about him. (She was very honest with me when we spoke but didn't have many details.) He's been in his current home since 2008. Before that he was with a different agency. Right now though he and his current foster family are clashing. Rainbow was honest and thinks that both sides are guilty of not handling things as best as they can. He's on his way to visit some family members over the holidays. But for day to day care, he's got no one here in the Valley. He's a college student and he's active in his church. After he gets back from his trip, they are going to have a sit down meeting with everyone. They will either have him stay in the home he's at, or they will consider another move. (I don't think he wants to leave Care just yet due to the fact that he's in college and he needs the support a family can provide.) Rainbow wanted to know if we would be interested in having him come live with us if a move becomes necessary.

I tried to get as much information as I could. I told her that I would have to discuss it with my entire family. I would have to pray over it. And I would have to wait and see what happens with Dude and Dolly's case on January 7. There's no way I would want to try and do six kids again. But if they go.....

My husband's gut feeling is that this would not be a good fit for our family. But he didn't say no.

Me -- I can't imagine telling a kid that they have to age out and not have a family. From everything Rainbow said I'm betting the issues he's having right now are all related to being an adult and seeing his time in Care coming to an end. That has got to be the scariest feeling ever.

All I could tell Rainbow is that I can't answer her now but that it's not a "no". She said she doesn't have to have an answer until mid to late January.

I do know that if we say "yes" this yes is for the REST of this young man's life. Somehow I wish that could be worked into foster parent's contracts. I can't imagine fostering teens and then just dumping them out on their own when they age out. IF we say yes, it's forever. It won't be "adoption" per se as he is 19 years old. But I don't want him to come to our family with the expectation that we are some kind of a hotel. I would want him to be willing to make a bit of a commitment back to us as well. We would be family.

There are a TON of variables that would have to be worked out. First and foremost we need to know if Mr. Amazing has a chance at either job he's applied for that both happen to be out of state (California & Pennsylvania). He's ready for a promotion and that means a move for us if he gets one of these jobs. I don't think saying yes to this teen and then either leaving him behind or expecting him to move right away would necessarily be a good thing. (For what it's worth, if Dude and Dolly stay in Care AND Mr. Amazing gets one of the jobs I will totally freak out and probably die on the spot. I'm trying not to think about that particular scenario. Given all the ups and downs of this case though, and the fact that we are CONSTANTLY told they are leaving to Dallas, Mr. Amazing could not pass up the opportunity to at least apply for these jobs. Working for the government means moving if you want a promotion. And staying put in the Valley long-term is NOT an option for us. We chose to gamble a bit and he applied for the jobs. God is in control and so far it's all been working out. I simply told God that if there is even the most remote of a chance that the cherubs can stay with us that Mr. Amazing shouldn't get the job. So far, it's worked.) (And yes, I am that direct with God.)

And of course, there's the whole issue with Dude and Dolly. Are they staying? Are they leaving? Also, how would this teen fit in as being the oldest child? Would he bring behaviors to the party that could be a bad influence for Herman? Herman struggles enough as is. I don't want to make his journey in life any more difficult.

But, we'll pray. And we'll wait to see what happens next. I'll keep you posted.

1 comment:

Foster Mom - R said...

My kids previous foster family was able to move out of state twice with kids that were still in care, rights were not terminated. The bios had gone MIA but I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility. Praying for safe travels. My extended famy lives in Des Moines and I'm excited to see them in March.