Thursday, December 6, 2012


Dude is acting out daily at school. He's yelling at the teacher. Hitting classmates. Refusing to do work.

Dude is wetting his pants almost daily. Not enough to soak his outer pants but enough to get his underwear all wet and to make his pants smell. He also doesn't tell me 95% of the time when he has an accident. He's wetting at home and at school.

These behaviors are developmentally normal.

These behaviors are NOT happening because everything is "normal".

Foster care sucks.

I hate sending my two littlest ones out to school each day. I'm positive that their public school experience is adding to their trauma. Dude is the youngest child in his HeadStart class. Out of 17 students there are only two 3 year olds. Every other child is in their second year at HeadStart. Not only is Dude the youngest, but he's also having to recover from 2.5 years of neglect. He's still got a lot of catching up to do. Forcing him to acclimate to this corporate school setting is not working well. I detest having to be a part of it.

Dolly's teacher never responded to the note I wrote her about my preK concerns. I kept it simple. I just told her that I noticed I wasn't getting the daily updates that I had received at the beginning of the year. I told her that I trusted she would let me know if there are any problems.

Dolly came home from school and told me that her teacher was going to call me.

Her teacher never called.

Now I'm wondering if this teacher actually meant that I was supposed to call her. << sigh >>  'Cause that's how things should be handled. Instead of taking 30 seconds to drop me a note back, she trusted a 5 year old little girl to properly relay a message to me. This 5 year old little girl is still learning English. She doesn't always keep her information straight.

Dolly said something strange to me again today about doing homework AT school. I'm now 99% sure all the homework that was being sent home is being given to her to do at school. Dolly didn't seem upset though so I didn't say much.

Dolly has 10 days of school left before Christmas break. Dude only has 8. (They don't go to school tomorrow because of their trip to Dallas for a visit with Grandma N.) I'm going to hang on. I'm going to not freak out. I can do this. They can do this. But dammit - I HATE THIS!

We go to court the day before school starts back up after Christmas. I am praying daily that there will be an END to foster care for these cherubs on that day. Of course I want to gain permanent custody of these cherubs. But if that doesn't happen they need to move to Dallas ASAP. Every moment they spend in Care without permanency is doing damage.

I'm scared to death that this is going to drag out again though. If that happens I'm going to have to have a sit down with Dolly's teacher face to face. And for Dude, I have no idea what to do. He needs stability. He needs to know that things are permanent. He needs the people around him to be able to answer questions about the future.

I'm so tired of living day to day. Dolly came up to me to talk about Dude's upcoming birthday. Of course that led to a conversation about HER birthday. That's not until next September. I literally cut the conversation off as quickly as I could. I can't talk about anything that's going to happen in September 2013. I can't promise her a birthday cake. I can't promise her presents. All I can do is tell her that yes, she will have a birthday. Little kids like to talk about the future. They like to talk about tradition...even if that tradition is something as simple as making sure they get a birthday cake. But I can't promise that to Dolly because I will not promise anything I'm not in control of. I won't promise that she will get a cake because if she's not living with me I can't guarantee that she will get one.

I'm frustrated. The System Stinks!


Mandy said...

Your state requires you to send your kids to preschool? Here I can send them if I want, but I don't have to. I was asked if I was sending Tyke and I told them no because he was so developmentally unprepared to handle a classroom setting I thought it would do more harm than good. I explained I wanted to help him develop more to be able to handle that type of environment and I was given the green light to keep them home until Kindergarten if I wish. If they don't go to Dallas maybe someone might let you change things up? Doubtful, I know.

CherubMamma said...

As long as they are in "foster care" I know I will have to send them to school. And yes, I'm required to by the State.

If by some miracle we are given PMC in January they will come home with me and not attend public school at all.

If they go to Dallas...they are gone. :(

If the worst possible option comes true and they continue to languish in foster care, I'm going to move Dolly to a different school. There is a very, very small public charter school just a few blocks away from the one she's attending now. I would have to do all the transportation, which would stink. But I'd be able to establish a better relationship with the teacher than I know is possible in the school she's at now.