Sunday, December 9, 2012

Nervous

If I'm going to keep things brutally honest...

I have to tell you that right now...RIGHT NOW....I'm super nervous.

My kids are due home any minute. Their flight arrived in an hour ago at the airport an hour away from our house. They will be walking through my door at any time.

And I'm nervous.

My heart is racing. My mind is racing. It doesn't seem normal.

I mean...in just 6 days it will have been 18 months since they moved in. They aren't strangers. They don't bring a ton of bizarre behaviors to the table. They are easy kids to care for. It's not like I'm bracing myself for their return. I WANT them back home with me.

But they've been away from me for almost three days. I don't know what they did. I don't know who they were with. I don't know anything.

And because of their inability to talk about things like this, I'm going to know very little about the past three days. Dude and Dolly just don't talk about it much. And if I ask them questions I get very strange answers. I've never been able to figure out if the answers are strange because they've been told what to say and what not to say or if the kids literally don't know how to answer the questions I ask. And because they mess timelines up in their beautiful little minds, I never know for sure WHEN the things they tell me actually happened.

For example, Dolly was telling me recently about going to the park with her bio dad. But if I understand things correctly, she didn't see her bio dad on the last trip to Dallas. So even though she made it sound like it just happened, I don't think that's accurate. I think the time she went to the park with her dad was back in September.

This is a minor blip on the radar. They'll walk in the door and I'll be fine. I'll get busy about the business of feeding them a snack/supper/whatever they need. Then I'll bathe them and put them in bed. Tomorrow morning they'll be tired and out of whack but we'll go on with life like normal. What other choice do I have?

But right now....RIGHT NOW....I'm nervous.

Sometimes I REALLY hate foster care!!!

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