Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Difference...

TT hasn't been able to sleep all night through in his own bed in nearly a month now. The initial trigger was when my husband and I left for San Antonio for two nights and he stayed, with his brother, across the street at our good friends' house. Most nights (but certainly not all) he doesn't wake me up. He just comes into our room and makes a bed for himself right next to me on the floor with a blanket and a pillow. His need to be close to me prevents him from sleeping comfortably on the mattress we put across the room. He says he's afraid the bookshelves are going to fall on him if he sleeps over there.

Then we had the night he got sick. He was up all night vomiting. Every single time TT woke up he woke me up too. He needed me to stand in the bathroom with him. And I did. I do not want my child to feel like I'm abandoning him in his time of need.

TT ended up staying in bed the entire next day. He ate almost nothing and, other than the sleeping, did not really seem sick at all! Thankfully no one else in the house got whatever it was that TT got. For the most part, I'm still thinking it was all anxiety related.

The difference between my children is amazing. The events of last night couldn't be more opposite of when TT was sick. (Five nights after TT's episode.) It was the middle of the night. I didn't even look at the clock. Bart calmly walked into our room and announced he was sick. He told me he threw up. I looked down on the floor; TT had already taken up residence there. I scooped Bart up and put him next to me in bed. I asked him if he made it to the bathroom when he got sick. He said yes so I snuggled in and figured I'd go to sleep. Bart never really got himself comfortable but he laid there next to me. After a few minutes I asked him if he was ready to go back to his bed. He nodded yes, trotted off to his room, and didn't make another sound until he woke up this morning.

Yes, I know that these differences can happen between all kids no matter who they live with. But TT's anxiety is so high. So incredibly high. He's worried about something right now and I can't seem to get to the bottom of it so I can help him. Last night while watching TV he was attacking his fingernails with a vengeance. Jokingly I called him Stumpy and told him if he kept it up he wouldn't have any fingers left. He literally looked at me and told me, "Mom, I have to do this." (He chews and picks at all of his fingernails and toenails. It's a habit that gets much more pronounced when he's stressed.)

It's during times like this that I'm incredibly grateful we decided to homeschool. I am confident beyond a shadow of a doubt that if he was under the typical school stresses he would be completely out of control right now. At least we've got that going for us.

In the meantime, I sure hope we can get to the bottom of this before Christmas. I'm afraid we won't though. I'm afraid that he just can't let go of the fears he has about "the judge" ruining this for us. I'm not convinced that's the only thing bothering TT right now, but it certainly is a big issue. And I will add, I'm not at all upset that Bio Mom didn't call in to confirm a visit for today. I will gladly forgo that heap of chaos this week!

1 comment:

Mandy said...

Bart sounds like Cy and TT sounds like my Liv as far as sleeping anxiety behavior goes. I can't figure out what is going on with Liv either. She is 6 years old and ending up in our bedroom every night again.