Monday, February 18, 2013

More about Dallas

Here's my monthly installment of what I learned about Dallas...
1. The children slept with Grandma in her bed again. ------ I don't know why but this one just bugs the heck out of me. The children can't consistently tell me who is sleeping in "their" room. Maybe I'm jumping the gun thinking that other people live with Grandma...but I'm 99% sure that they do. (Please keep in mind that no other people participated in the home study. Only Grandma!) I also know that Dude and Dolly FREAK OUT at bedtime if things are different. One time my very close friend Daphne, from across the street, watched the cherubs at OUR house and they freaked at bedtime because Papi S and I weren't here. They also cried a LOT over our vacation this past Christmas even though they were with us. I'm sure they cry at bedtime every single night when they are in Dallas. But it bugs me that they sleep WITH Grandma. I highly doubt she's in to attachment or a family bed. I'm betting they've got nowhere else to sleep. Exactly how is that going to work long-term? These kids deserve their own space!
2. Dolly has a blue and grey car seat. Dude has a brown one. The baby cousin (approx. 1-2 years old) has a car seat. But the other girl cousin approximately Dolly's age does not. (At least Dolly has a car seat now!)
3. Grandma N doesn't have a car. She's going to be getting a new one though.
4. In the meantime, the uncle that I have reason to believe is a wanted felon drove them all to the store this past weekend. It seems that he spent a great deal of time with my cherubs. (The cherubs gave me conflicting reports as to whether or not he slept at Grandma's house so I can't confirm that.)
I'm waiting for the GAL (Guardian Ad Litem) to call me back. I'm not exactly sure how to proceed with this information. Minnie's solution to the felon Tio E was to tell Gma that he can't come around. So either Minnie didn't really tell Gma or Gma didn't care. OR...Tio E does whatever he wants even though Gma tells him he can't be there.
I. Don't. Know.

But I don't like it!!!

Part of me wants to get my own lawyer. But a bigger part of me still isn't ready for that level of a financial risk. I really want to talk to the GAL to see what he thinks about all of this.

Part of me wants to see how I can alert the feds to the location of this uncle. But I'm not sure that would make a difference with CPS at all. I mean...since they refuse to believe that he lives with Gma...if he gets arrested CPS will just think Grandma N's is that much more safe. I think it'd be better if the GAL did something about getting Tio E arrested again.

Part of me wants to file a formal complaint against CPS for the complete mishandling of this case. I've had others in CPS (a long time ago) tell me I should. But I'm seriously afraid that if I did the consequences would come back to harm ME. Even though it's supposed to be anonymous, I'm the only one that has a problem with CPS. I'm sure they would know I'm the one complaining.


The cherubs have transitioned OK enough back from this visit. They were both VERY tired last night. Both cherubs refused to eat dinner. I was thankful that Dude's school was closed today. It enabled all the cherubs to get to sleep in which was very nice!

Dude needed a lot of redirection today compared to normal. That could be because of the visit or it could be because we are doing respite for Angel again (2yo little girl). I get in his business immediately though and I don't cut any slack. It seems harsh but it helps get things into the appropriate rhythm faster if I don't candy coat anything. Even my husband thought I was a little over the top. But parenting trauma looks different. I have to remind Dude right away that there are rules here and I love him enough to make him follow them. In a way, I can tell he appreciates the structure because even though he cries, he snaps back almost immediately and I haven't had a lot of repeat problems. (He tested several different rules today but he didn't repeat misbehaviors.)

Now I get to take a deep breath and relax for almost a month. Minnie won't make a home visit because she counts the 30 seconds in our home when she picks up the kids as a monthly visit. (In her defense she does spend several hours with them at the airport and on the plane. And my licensing worker passes on lots of documentation about stuff going on in our home.) We don't have any family visits because Bio Mom is in jail.

Here's to praying that Dude will level off a bit and maybe even start cooperating at school a bit more. And I sure would be happy if he stopped peeing his pants as frequently!


CandCFamily said...

Isn't that a huge red flag if he's peeing his pants after visits? Trauma, poor kid.

CherubMamma said...

It's a red flag to me. But so far CPS doesn't care at all and even my licensing agency doesn't do anything other than say she'll document it for CPS.

Me -- I'm more concerned with the aggressive behavior at PreK that Dude has started displaying. He's disrespectful and outright disobedient. And it all started (the accidents included) when contact increased with his bio family this fall.

MamaFoster said...

If this case was in my state the GAL would be key. Hopefully they would be on your side. I wish I could file the complain for you.

Jennifer said...

I think that you need to file a complaint, hire an attorney, do whatever you need to do. This is not just that you think that you could provide them with a better life. This is a concern that the home in Dallas really isn't safe for them. You don't want to look back and wonder "if only I had..." years from now. You need to do everything you can, and if CPS still moves them, at least you will know that you did what you could. I don't think you will regret spending money on a lawyer in hopes of keeping the kids safe, even if it doesn't work out how you want it to.

G said...

Hope the GAL is up to the challenge of fighting for these cherubs.

Not intending to defend Grandma N, but one thought on them sleeping in her bed. Is it possible that her idea of "helping" them when they struggle with going to bed at her house is to let them into her bed? (I've had a number of foster kids try to insist that they could go to sleep if I'd let them sleep with me or if I'd lie down in their bed with them. I never do it, but wonder if that could be feeding into this situation?)

Dangerous uncle and clearly traumatized kids on return...lovely that CPS things that's all fine and dandy. Ugh.