Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Ice Cream for TT

Spelling. The fit today was brought on by spelling words.

First his socks were on his feet funny. He tugged at them. Then he fell to the floor.

When I didn't IMMEDIATELY respond, he started fussing and whining.

I ignored it some more.

Then came the full-on temper tantrum.

I got down in his face and quietly whispered that if he kicked my table, I would spank his bottom. (He's mine forever...I can do this. And he was still in control at that point in time.)

He spun around and kicked the air. He kicked a little closer to the table. He got coy and kicked the wall right next to the table.

I spanked him. One minor swat to the bottom. Nothing more.

He COMPLETELY freaked out.

I decided to out-crazy the crazy and I told him we were going for a drive. I HAD to do something. I told him to get up and walk or I would carry him. He screamed at me. I told him to get up and walk. He screamed again. I counted to three.

Without missing a beat, my 16yo son grabbed my purse and said he'd carry it for me. I picked up my wailing 9yo and carried/drug him to the car. I pretty much threw him and and started to back out the driveway. (You know you've been doing "this" for awhile when your teenager isn't even phased and calmly goes along without saying a word.)

He flopped around in the vehicle. He screamed at me that he wasn't buckled in. I calmly told him he had better buckle up because if I got pulled over he'd have a lot of talking to do with the officer. He buckled up.

I drove in silence.

He regulated quickly. We began to talk.

I asked him what he had been thinking about. He told me that it was complicated.

I asked him what color his feelings were. He answered pink. I knew that was a lie so I elaborated. I asked him if it was a pretty pink or something darker like an owie. He said it was something darker like an owie. I asked him if it made him smile or if it looked hurt and broken. He said hurt and broken.

I asked him if his feelings were an animal what would they be. He answered an rhino.

My cherub is very knowledgeable about animals. He knows that rhinos have almost no predators. I told him that it must be pretty scary to have feelings so big and powerful. I asked him if he had anything bigger and more powerful than the rhino.

He said, "Yes. I have you."

Breaking all "rules" I asked him to come up to the front seat of the car. At this point in time we needed to connect. I needed to be able to touch him. He climbed up next to me and held my hand.

I drove. I drove to a drive-thru. Because when your kid is totally freaking out and throwing a temper tantrum it's totally normal to get out of the house and buy milkshakes for everyone.

OK. It's NOT normal. But it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

I looked at TT and said, "So...am I rewarding you for throwing a temper tantrum?"

He sheepishly looked at me and answered yes.

I looked back at him and said, "No. I am NOT rewarding you for throwing a temper tantrum. I am angry for your behavior at home. But I AM buying the son I love oh so very much some ice cream."

During our ride to the drive-thru TT shared with me that his complicated feelings involve a fear that he is going to become injured and have to stay in the hospital for a year. I'm not sure exactly where this fear is coming from but I have to assume it's been festering ever since Mr. Amazing's motorcycle accident. I wish I knew how to help him through this. I'm confident it ties in with his overwhelming fear of abandonment. Everything seems to tie back to that with TT.

I sure hope we get to the bottom of this one soon though. When I got home Bart showed me a huge hole in the stairwell leading upstairs. It seems that one of TT's tantrums today involved kicking the wall. He's getting bigger. The damage is getting bigger. It's very frustrating!

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Fast forward to the last subject of the day....Language Arts – Composition.
It seems that writing is always a trigger for TT. (I'm considering having him tested for dyslexia next year.) Anyway....writing is so scary that it brought about another tantrum.

First a pencil was broken and thrown across the room.

Then a dining room chair was knocked over and broken beyond repair.

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It's been a rough day. Here's to hoping we can all sleep well and recover quickly. I'm emotionally spent!

3 comments:

G said...

Hugs.

MamaFoster said...

:/. If I may ask, how old was he when this all started?

CherubMamma said...

@MamaFoster....

birth: needed to be held a lot. I never "noticed" this as problematic though. Everything seemed very, very normal. He slept through the night at a reasonable age. He went through ALL his milestones very early. (Sitting by 5 months, walking at 8 months/3 weeks.) But he did get held a lot by me and the babysitters. (I worked outside the home for the first year and a half of his life. He stayed with a friend of mine during the day who doted on him wonderfully. My husband also was a full-time student who cared for him a lot during the day too.)

18 months: EXTREME separation anxiety!! EXTREME! Did I emphasize that enough? EXTREME! He vomited one time when I left him in the church nursery. At home, if I stepped over the safety gate (where he could still hear and see me) he would cry...for hours.

The separation anxiety never lessened. He is incredibly independent. He will play with friends. But he has HORRIBLE fears of abandonment.

Ages 3-4: General anxiety kicked in. He would get physically sick if things were abnormal...like when my family would come to visit. He wanted them there. He simply adores my parents. But after a few days he would get sick and run a fever due to the change in schedule with the guests.

Age 4: Did great at preschool. Less anxiety. Started to see some tantrums at home.

Age 5: Did wonderful at preschool. Would LOSE IT afterward at home with me.

And it's gone on from there.....