Monday, April 29, 2013

An update

So much has been going on lately. Very little of it has been "good". I figure I can write a super long post and bore everyone to tears or I can just let y'all know that we are hanging in there. 'Cause we are. We WILL get through all of this.

The short of it...

Herman is home. Herman seems much more stable. We will hang on until the end of the year. He will either pass all of his classes or he won't. And if he doesn't, the world will continue to spin. I'd actually like to see him fail. But, even though he schools at home, he's technically still attending a public school. And NCLB has made it so that teachers' jobs are on the line even when students like my Herman are fully responsible for their behavior....not the teacher and their ability to teach. That said, there will be much extra credit offered and too many assignments exempted I'm sure. But we'll get through.

TT is having a ROUGH time of things. Mr. Wonky is visiting us for sure!!!
• foster parenting (including the visit to Dallas)
• my in-laws are visiting
• court is next week
• Mother's Day is coming
Can you blame him?! I sure don't. But we'll get through.

Bart is even struggling. He threw a tantrum of epic proportions yesterday that involved a two person restraint for at least a minute or two (maybe more -- time seems to stand still when things are so out of control and I don't want to exaggerate). We worked hard on "repairing" though. Bart is so happy and forgives so quickly. I had to mention several times that even though he forgave my anger and I forgave his, we still have to work hard to repair our relationship. We now have a code word in place. If I say the word "pineapple" he knows that I might be very angry, but I'm in my "healthy brain" and I won't lay a hand on him as long as he does what I'm asking. It will be his job to stop his tantrum and simply sit down where I can see him. We'll get through.

"Something" happened in Dallas during the cherubs' last visit. I'm never going to know all the details. Dude and Dolly said that Grandma N was angry a lot and yelled at them over the whole weekend. Dude said it was "because they giggled". Oooohhhhhh how I know the sound of that dysregulated giggle!! I'm sad that they were in that state of discomfort all weekend. I'm sad that Grandma N didn't know what to do to help them feel safe.

Dolly didn't say much. But she did totally break my heart. I asked her how she felt with Grandma all weekend (immediately after Dolly admitted that Grandma yelled at her all weekend). Dolly's response...."I felt fine."

Dude on the other hand had a horrible week. Major tantrums. Hitting teachers. Increased aggression at home. Wet the bed twice. Wet his pants. Climbed in bed with his sister. (This is a throw back to when he came in Care. He often crawled in bed with his sister in the middle of the night. NOTHING inappropriate...he just wanted to be close to her in order to feel safe.) And did I mention...increased aggression?! I must say, I'm incredibly fearful of what kind of a child Dude will become if he does indeed get moved to Dallas. I'm afraid for Dolly too. They are both hanging on by a thread right now. If they move Dolly will go so deep inside herself. She will search everywhere for love. And Dude, I'm sure, will become a gang member in search of that same love. (Having a father and at least one uncle in a gang won't help matters either.)

Court is Monday, May 6th. I'm asking everyone that knows to please pray for these cherubs. I have absolutely NO IDEA what is going to happen. I will say though, I am praying for permanency for them more than anything. I do NOT believe it is in their best interests to stay with us if the State is unwilling to change their permanency plan!! If the State is going to continue to push for these cherubs to go to Dallas, then the cherubs just need to go to Dallas. Every member of our family NEEDS permanency right now. Of course we want them to stay with us forever. But if that isn't a possibility, then they need to go and get settled with Grandma! But no matter what happens, we will get through.

I'm going to end this post with a visual.
This is what my sink looks like at the end of the day. I use my toothbrush last, so it is on the far edge.
I handed Dude and Dolly their toothbrushes last night. I purposely put my toothbrush (the green one) over by the faucet so they'd have room to easily put their toothbrushes back without needing to touch mine or knock anything over.

This is how Dude thinks the toothbrushes need to be put away.


Sharon Doolittle said...

I think those toothbrushes just speak volumes about what he feels things should be. Not just a little bit - a WHOLE bunch!

Meg0422 said...

They just seem like they need some loving cuddles. Maybe all of you do.


Mitzy said...

I think many people don't think about how foster care may affect their older children. I'm thinking about you as I'm dealing with some big issues with my girls right now too.

orphanmother said...

Our court date is May 6th is for termination of Mom's rights. I don't think it will happen, and they will linger for another 45 days. she has been able to see the little ones for 3 weeks now, so she is clean. Wow, 3 weeks out of a year, and lets put the kids through more trauma. Please pray for my little ones to get the permanancy they deserve, and for the caseworker to get her head out of her butt on how the supervised-(or un-supervised) visits get handled. Depending on what side you sit. I am scared and tired. The behaviors just plain wear me out. The teachers are frustrated at daycare, and behavior reports sent home from Headstart. Poor little girl, at 4 years of age, she cannot process all of this, only react. My 2 1/2 little boy is just plugging along. He has had his 1st overnight with his dad, and then visit again on Wednesday, and then a visit with Mom on Thursday. Yep, just a little too much for him to grasp. My heart hurts for them, and I need God to intervein to protect them. Please pray......and I will pray for peace for you on Monday too. God look out for all of these broken babies, and help heal their hearts and minds. Amen.