Monday, April 1, 2013

No baby for me

Due to a somewhat obsessive need to continually check on the incarceration status of Dude and Dolly's bio parents, I discovered today that Bio Mom is currently being held in a facility that will allow her to keep the baby that is due in approximately two months with her.

We shouldn't get a call at all about the baby as Bio Mom's release date is set for this summer. If for some reason the baby is removed from Bio Mom at a later date, it is likely that Dude and Dolly will already be with their Grandma in Dallas and we will no longer be a licensed foster family.

I am relieved. I really don't want to parent a baby where it is known that drugs were used during the pregnancy...especially since the drug of choice was synthetic marijuana. I know – miracles can happen. But this baby is already set up to have a very, very difficult time in life and he/she isn't even born yet. I've got enough going on with our family dynamics. I really don't want a drug (and possible FASD) baby. And in the grand scheme of things, I don't think keeping Dude and Dolly together with this new baby (that is likely to end up in Care eventually) is necessary. It would be nice I suppose in the long run. But the age difference is big enough and their circumstances different enough that I don't see a benefit right now in keeping all three together.


Dude and Dolly are starting therapy this Friday. I'm still blown away that Minnie is requiring this. If these cherubs are being set up to leave my home in less than two months...why do they need therapy now?! They aren't staying in the area so they won't be able to maintain the relationship after they are placed with Grandma N. And due to where the therapy is taking place, I don't believe that this therapist is in Minnie's pocket (so to speak) or that she will be pushing Minnie's agenda necessarily.

Either way, I'm going to be honest with this therapist. I will tell her about my concerns in Dallas. I will be forthcoming when I say that Dolly expresses a desire to live in Dallas but that Dolly does NOT understand that living in Dallas means saying goodbye to everyone here forever.

It ought to be interesting to say the least. It is a play therapist. And to start, she's going to meet with the cherubs together. When I asked what to expect in the future, the therapist said it will depend on how the first session goes and what the issues are. I smiled and told her that there are no issues. The therapist seemed quite taken aback. But really...there aren't. The only "issues" are because my cherubs are languishing in Care. I'll let y'all know how it goes.


Diana said...

Ugh. That's all I've got.

Lose any guilt about the baby. It's ok that you don't want to parent this child. It might rip your gut out to say no (it did mine when I turned one down for the same reasons, except the adoption shark wanted me to pay upwards of $60,000 for the adoption...and that didn't cover ANY of the child's medical bills...and I've never been so angry in my life, either...angry at the system that allowed it, angry at the stupid choices of big people, and angry I had to say no to something I wanted more than anything in the world.)

At the end of the day, it really is in everyone's best interest for them not to be kept together. If they don't know each other now and haven't been part of the pregnancy or bio mother's life, it will actually do more harm than good to all the kids to force them to stay together.

Therapy...seriously? I'm pretty sure they've got the wrong person going. I think Minnie needs some play therapy herself! >:-)

CherubMamma said...

You're almost would do more harm than good for the cherubs to all be kept together. My two aren't in any part of Bio Mom's life right now. Bio Mom wasn't fully consistent with even weekly visits before she ended up in jail again. And the cherubs don't know she's pregnant (and I'm NOT going to tell them). It's all so messed up.

As for the therapy - I'll personally enjoy ripping on The System with another professional. I've got a lot to say about the crap my cherubs have been through.

I'm not sure Minnie needs therapy as much as she needs a new job doing something different! LOL

Mandy said...

With our play therapist she does not do much. She observes behaviors and tries to make connections about how circumstances are bringing out behaviors. I personally requested she come right after traumatizing visits. Her reports about behaviors when there was no visiting for awhile versus her reports about behaviors after visits were HUGE in court. DCS ignored them, but the judge and advocate did not. Just FYI you may want to make sure she shows up right after a Dallas visit to witness the changes they display. You know how we help them pull it together? Well, don't patch them up until after her visit. Get my meaning?