On June 17 we will go before the judge to officially intervene in the case. Ms. Colorado keeps referring to it as when "they will let us in". Mr. Amazing and I will go together. The cherubs do not have to be there.
Per My Genius Sister I have to have a plan in place for how I'm going to deal with the intense (oh so incredibly intense) emotions I feel every time I talk to a lawyer (or case worker). I don't know what I'm going to do though. It's so easy for someone to tell me I have to take care of myself. But there is this in-the-moment FREAK OUT that nearly cripples me. You see...I know that is going to suck!! CPS is not going to all of the sudden say, "You're right Mr. and Mrs. Eldridge. We haven't been doing our jobs correctly. Sure...intervene. We'll terminate right away." That is NOT going to happen.
Instead, CPS will most likely attack my character. They will want to paint life in Dallas as a wonderful thing for the children. They will bring up the investigation. They will twist realities. They will cover their proverbial asses. They will do whatever they can to make me look bad and make Dallas look perfect.
Every time someone with power contacts me, I freak out. All the big feelings I've tried to squash deep down come racing to the surface. I get scared. Literally, I question if all this is worth it.
Don't get me wrong – I love these cherubs with all my heart! I would do anything for them. But sometimes, this hardly seems worth it. It scares me so bad.
I've got two weeks until I stand face to face with all the people that have power in this case. I'm scared to death! But...
I know the truth. I know I've never hurt these children. I know I love them. I know that I've always supported reunification when it seemed in the best interests of the children. I trusted the State to do their jobs. I waited a long time before I stepped in.
I know I'm not coaching the cherubs to say anything that isn't true. I've never planted ideas in their heads. They truly do want to live with us.
I know that I'll support an open adoption with any bio family member that is safe and sober.
Any blog love you want to send me though over the next couple weeks is much appreciated. As much as I know the truth, I hate confrontation. And believe you me...this is one big confrontation! I'm challenging The System!!!!