Friday, May 31, 2013

Hearing is set

On June 17 we will go before the judge to officially intervene in the case. Ms. Colorado keeps referring to it as when "they will let us in". Mr. Amazing and I will go together. The cherubs do not have to be there.

Per My Genius Sister I have to have a plan in place for how I'm going to deal with the intense (oh so incredibly intense) emotions I feel every time I talk to a lawyer (or case worker). I don't know what I'm going to do though. It's so easy for someone to tell me I have to take care of myself. But there is this in-the-moment FREAK OUT that nearly cripples me. You see...I know that is going to suck!! CPS is not going to all of the sudden say, "You're right Mr. and Mrs. Eldridge. We haven't been doing our jobs correctly. Sure...intervene. We'll terminate right away." That is NOT going to happen.

Instead, CPS will most likely attack my character. They will want to paint life in Dallas as a wonderful thing for the children. They will bring up the investigation. They will twist realities. They will cover their proverbial asses. They will do whatever they can to make me look bad and make Dallas look perfect.

Every time someone with power contacts me, I freak out. All the big feelings I've tried to squash deep down come racing to the surface. I get scared. Literally, I question if all this is worth it.

Don't get me wrong – I love these cherubs with all my heart! I would do anything for them. But sometimes, this hardly seems worth it. It scares me so bad.

I've got two weeks until I stand face to face with all the people that have power in this case. I'm scared to death! But...
I know the truth. I know I've never hurt these children. I know I love them. I know that I've always supported reunification when it seemed in the best interests of the children. I trusted the State to do their jobs. I waited a long time before I stepped in.
I know I'm not coaching the cherubs to say anything that isn't true. I've never planted ideas in their heads. They truly do want to live with us.
I know that I'll support an open adoption with any bio family member that is safe and sober.

Any blog love you want to send me though over the next couple weeks is much appreciated. As much as I know the truth, I hate confrontation. And believe you me...this is one big confrontation! I'm challenging The System!!!!


Meg0422 said...

Rushed thru this because I have to go. Have dates and details for court. Go to big feeling room!!! Love ya

peaceliving said...

Be sure you're sitting/standing right by the door of the courtroom whenever you're there...we were officially allowed to go in for months but the bailiffs and everyone involved could never quite remember to call us in when it was time. We only made it in two or three times out of the 5 or 6 times they were supposed to let us in. We didn't have an attorney, though, so hopefully yours would intervene if they "forget" to call you in! Best of luck to you!!

MamaFoster said...

here's the thing-the worst thing that could happen is that they move the kids to Dallas.

that's already the plan technically anyway.

so what if they don't like you.

the investigation is over. they won't re-open that mess. it would just make them look bad.

the "worst" is already "the plan", there is nothing that you intervening is going to do except maybe make things better in the long run.

you can't let yourself feel like they have power over YOU because they don't.

you have the freedom to walk away from this situation. obviously you don't want to give up the kids, but YOU are free.

you are also FREE to decide to help these kids as much as you can. and that is what you will do. and it will be ok.

kate said...

So much wisdom from MF.

It doesn't matter what they think of you. They have no power over you.

You know the truth.

Be strong and of good courage.

CherubMamma said...

My Genius Sister told me to post truths on note cards and hang them up to remind me. I know I need something to keep the negative racing thoughts at bay.
Still...I didn't know what to write. I was stuck.
However, MamaFoster in her wisdom gave me just what I need!! Thank you!!

My mantra through this all is "the worst thing that can happen is the kids end up in Dallas – and that's already the plan anyway". Follow that with, "I can walk away if I have to. They don't have power over ME."

Now...somebody just needs to text me one or two of those phrases every couple hours, every day, for the next two weeks. :)

Oldqueen44 said...

Totally understand those horrible sick feelings about the uppity ups that think they have all the power. I had to testify in court for my daughter when we were involved with the state with her adopted kids. I hate confrontation and I thought I would never make it through. I did of course but the experiences of the last 2 years changed how I feel about authority figures.

mjm said...

Practice every day several times a day:
Close your eyes, BIG breath in through your nose, hold for 3 seconds and slowly exhale out your mouth while knowing you are blowing out all anxiety and worry. Let go and let God. :)

Repeat 2 or 3X while reminding yourself you have control over you- what and how YOU present things in court. Let God worry about the others involved in the case.

Lifting you up in prayer. Know so many are behind you sending virtual hugs and surrounding you in support.

Annie said...

I keep wondering WHY the State is so pressed to have these kids with these unsuitable relatives. Why? Is there some benefit for them? Perhaps you've written about this and I've missed it.....

The fostering situation we were in, I always wondered if perhaps there was some sort of "bonus" involved, or punishment, related to certain decisions, because otherwise how could they EVER have insisted on doing what they did?

CherubMamma said...

@Annie -- I honestly do not know WHY the State is bent on sending these kids to Grandma's house. I believe the first (and only) home study done was done quickly and without a lot of detail. Grandma has been nothing but detached from the children. And now, there is proof (at least proof enough for ME) that she would continue to expose the children to a lifestyle that is very unsafe.

Grandma herself, I THINK, is a nice person. Perhaps she's even a Christian. Her FB page (that she never updates) makes mention of enjoying the Left Behind book series. The children tell me she prays. But they've never gone to church with her. And...she told the children to LIE about seeing their uncle at the last visit.

I know that foster care in general preaches that bio family is ALWAYS best. Always! Always! Always!

I disagree. Which is why we hired a lawyer. :) It'll be interesting to see if CPS changes their tune or if they keep on touting the wonders of Dallas.

Annie said...

Of COURSE bio-family is important - but all the more powerful a message then, when they neglect you or abuse you. If my poor daughter had been removed from her bio-mom as her older brothers were, she would have had so much less trauma in her young life.