I've got another question to throw out to the Internet. I really want to know how anyone else has handled anything like this or what your opinions on it might be.
Dude and Dolly now have a baby brother. I've never met the cherub. For now, anyway, I'm going to call him Baby Zippy.
Baby Zippy lives in jail with his bio mom. I have NO IDEA what the State is planning for this cherub. All I know is that the facility where Bio Mom is living will allow Baby Zippy to stay for six months. I believe that Bio Mom has to stay longer than that so a plan will eventually have to be put in place. I do NOT know if this plan will involve a "phone call" to my house or not.
When do I tell Dude and Dolly about Baby Zippy?
How do I explain Baby Zippy to Dude and Dolly? (especially since I really know nothing myself)
Unless something very, very strange happens in this case, there is no chance that Dude and Dolly will ever go live with their bio mom again. They will not go to Bio Dad either! It's just what it is. Neither parent has done anything toward their case plan. (Bio Dad never "wanted" the kids anyway.) Both parents are currently in jail. And, it's been two years. The State has never thought that reunification with the bio parent(s) was an option. The only thing the State has ever asked for in the courts is Relative Conservatorship. I have to assume that the State's initial plan for Baby Zippy is for him to stay with Bio Mom.
I've explained jail as a place where Bio Mom can be kept safe because she was making bad choices. How do I spin it that to explain why it's OK for a baby to be in jail? How could I explain to Dolly that SHE can't go live with Bio Mom in jail? How do I explain a baby that they can't see?
Is it even necessary to tell the cherubs they have a sibling yet?
My gut tells me that I can wait until the absolute last minute to explain to Dude and Dolly about Baby Zippy. And by last minute, I mean right up until the time when they may see Bio Mom again. Is that a bad thing? If the cherubs wouldn't really understand anyway, do I have to try and make them understand prior to meeting the baby? IMO it would just add confusion to their already very layered trauma.
What do you think?