It's just after 6:30PM as I'm sitting down to write this. In less than 18 hours I'll know what is happening next. I only have to carry the unknown for a little while longer.
But it's so hard for me!
I took my B vitamins this morning. I took my GABA. The racing thoughts aren't consuming me. But I have this heaviness in my chest. A dull pain rests right in the center. If I think about it, it gets worse. If I can stay busy, it's not too noticeable. I've hooped three times today. I've tried. I've tried. I've tried.
But I can't seem to focus and I can barely stay busy. So that heaviness sits there on me. Weighing me down. Making me feel awful.
I don't have the overwhelming sense of dread that the cherubs are going to be leaving me. I'm honestly not worried about that.
But I don't know what is going to happen in court tomorrow. And that "not knowing" is so incredibly difficult for me. What is the State going to try and do? What do the therapy notes honestly say? Is the judge going to talk to the cherubs in private? Is the State going to try and move them to Dallas anyway? What if? Who says? What's next? So many unknowns.
YES...I trust in God. I truly believe we are doing the right thing. I don't need to worry. Even my lawyer told me that. yadda yadda yadda
That is so much easier said than done.
So tonight I come to my internet support group begging for prayers. Earlier this weekend I mentioned the truths I need to keep in mind on my FB page. Over 600 people read that post. Over 100 of them clicked on something else on my page and were "engaged users". Well...FB doesn't tell me how many of those people said a prayer for me but it had to have been a lot!! A calm literally washed over me for two whole days.
I need that calm again.
Please pray for Dude and Dolly. Please pray for Herman, TT and Bart. Please pray for me and Mr. Amazing. God is so much bigger than a court hearing. I know this. But right now I take comfort in knowing that y'all have my back in prayer.
Also...a generous blog reader has offered to match dollar for dollar donations made through Monday at 5:00PM up to $100. We only need $35 more dollars before that time to reach the goal.