Well...anxiety started to get the better of me. I got in the car to get out of the house and I called My Genius Sister. (She's my "therapist". She's a fantastic listener. She grounds me.)
The anxiety is still there but I know that I can control it. The truths that I will keep in mind this weekend are:
1. I hired a lawyer in order to give ME a standing in court. Anything that needs to be said is likely to come from me or Mr. Amazing...not our lawyer. Even if Ms. Colorado isn't there - that doesn't change my ability to speak up and be heard. And if the State tries to pull something that isn't "legal", any lawyer should be able handle that.
2. God is bigger than all of this. I truly believe that we were told to intervene. No, I'm not some crazy lady that thinks she hears voices. But I do pray and I do listen for God's answers and guidance. God told me to intervene and He is waaaayyyyy bigger than Minnie and anything the State wants to pull.
3. My lawyer very distinctly told me NOT TO WORRY on the voice mail. I'm paying her to look out for me. She wants my money. Surely she knows what she's doing.
4. If my lawyer doesn't know what she's doing, I don't have to continue to employ HER.
5. And most important...the judge is on our side. The GAL is on our side. The AAL is on our side. And the cherubs' therapist is on our side. As ugly as termination and adoption ultimately is, the State is outnumbered.
I'm now going to make some specific plans for this weekend that are fun. They aren't going to be "this could be the last time I ever do this" kind of events. I'm not going to allow myself to think that way. Instead, we are going to have fun and play together like a FAMILY. The family that we ARE!!