Saturday, October 5, 2013

Phone calls

I promise I'll wrap up the rest of "The Day I Lost My Kids".

However, life just doesn't seem to stop even though you're grieving. I've been swamped lately putting out the emotional outbursts from TT and Bart all week long. It's been rough.

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We finally got our first phone call with the cherubs on Thursday this past week. (Yes...we were supposed to get two a week starting when they left. Yes....Ms. Colorado is documenting everything. No...nothing will probably happen to Minnie for not making them start on time.)

The first call didn't go well. Minnie set it up as a three-way conference call. Yes, she monitored everything. The line at Grandma's house kept dropping. Also, the kids were really, really hard to understand. Neither child is accustomed to talking on the phone. They liked calling my family when they lived with us, but I always held the phone myself and put it on speaker. Having them hold the phone possibly complicated things. I'm not really sure why the calls kept dropping.

Either way, there wasn't a lot of "conversation" on Thursday. Pretty much, Dude and Dolly just kept saying, "I love you," and, "I miss you," over and over and over.

Dolly informed me that she's going to school and she does her work. It seems that Dude goes to day care.

After about 23 minutes, the call dropped again and I told Minnie it was OK to be done talking. She said she'd connect us again on Saturday (today).

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This morning rolled around and Minnie made no contact. At about 10:15AM I sent her a text asking when we were going to get to talk to the kids. About 15 minutes later she messaged me back to say she'd coordinate the call at Noon. She was going to go in to the CPS office to see if connecting things via a land line would help. (She used her cell phone with the first call.)

At about 1:00PM Minnie messaged me that Grandma had taken the kids grocery shopping and she was waiting for them to get home.

I sent her a very strongly worded text saying that I want an official schedule for these calls. It's not OK to expect me to sit around waiting for a phone call all day long. I said that the calls are very important to me and I don't want to miss them!

Minnie said she understood.

I'm glad everything is in writing.  :)

At about 1:30PM they finally called in. This conversation went better. The call didn't drop at all. Still, the kids didn't talk a whole lot. What they did say pained me though.

It seems they spent this morning watching a Halloween horror movie. It had a bad guy that wore a mask and cut people up. It was scary.

Exactly HOW am I supposed to respond to conversation like that?! I can't question the appropriateness. I can't say anything without Minnie being able to twist it around to me not approving of things in Dallas. (Which I don't. But I have to play this rotten game and support everything.) So, all I did was say, "Oh," a lot! I did ask if they liked being scared like that. Ever the stinker Dude answered, "Yes." All I could say was, "Oh." It sucked!!!

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During the first call (on Thursday) Dolly went around and wanted to talk to everyone. Me, Mr. Amazing, Herman, TT and Bart. She even asked about our dog Charlie. Then, she broke my heart into a hundred pieces when she said, "Can I talk to Granny?" I had to explain that she only gets to talk to us and that Granny is in Iowa. The judge didn't give her permission to talk to anyone else.

It sucked!!

After we went over the pleasantries this time I asked Dolly, "Do you have anything else you want to talk about?"
Dolly replied, "Yes."
Then she said, "Mommy...why the judge say I have to live in Dallas?"
I nearly choked but I replied, "I don't know baby. But we have to do what the judge says."
Dolly was quiet.
I asked her, "How does it make you feel?"
Dolly answered, "Sad."

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And that about sums things up.
I'm barely hanging on.
The grief is horrible.
These phone calls are torture.
I have no idea what is going to happen.
I miss my kids!

1 comment:

kate said...

Then she said, "Mommy...why the judge say I have to live in Dallas?"
I nearly choked but I replied, "I don't know baby. But we have to do what the judge says."
Dolly was quiet.
I asked her, "How does it make you feel?"
Dolly answered, "Sad."


I know that your heart broke into a million more pieces hearing that. I'm glad Minnie heard it, too.

Still praying.