Sunday, October 6, 2013

The Day I Lost My Kids - Part 6

It takes about an hour to drive from where court is to our home. The cherubs slept part of the way. Mr. Amazing drove. I buried my head in my cell phone and updated people. I didn't want to actually talk to anyone. I sent a text to My Genius Sister and told her to call the rest of my family. I posted on Facebook and I chatted electronically with some of my closest friends.

It was Hell.

Once home I did not know what to do. I didn't know when they were officially flying out. I had no idea how much time we actually had together. Everyone was in a state of shock. It was perfectly horrible.

Because I was in so much pain, I decided to simply hide from it all. I let the children turn on the TV. And since the little ones were leaving, I didn't even make it be something that would keep their attention. My boys turned on Transformers and everyone zoned out. (Even the little ones.)

I stayed on my computer chatting with my friends. It was the biggest cop out possible, but I seriously did not know what to do. Should I have spent those next two hours saying over and over how much I love them? Should I have spent those next two hours telling them how evil the powers that be are? Should I have encouraged them to be excited? Or should I have given them permission to be sad? I seriously did not know!!! They were in as much of a state of shock as I was. So we all just zoned out separately.

It was Hell.

Throughout the next few hours I would try to connect every now and then. Dude was P.I.S.S.E.D. O.F.F.!!! He would have NOTHING to do with me. He wouldn't sit on my lap. He wouldn't talk to me. Nothing! And when I asked him how he felt about things, he very smugly told me, "happy".

Dolly was more curious. She asked a few questions about things she heard in court. She was very conflicted. The idea of going to Dallas didn't scare her or make her sad. But she wasn't thrilled either. As she sat curled up on my lap she said something about me keeping her safe. She didn't like my response, "That's going to be Grandma's job now, Dolly. I won't be able to keep you safe anymore."

How do you explain FOREVER to a child. None of this made sense to her.

It was Hell.

Dolly's birthday was the very next day. My Princess Sandwich (long story) was to turn six. I had been so confident that they were staying that we had made all the plans for her birthday party to be the weekend after court. With that in mind, not all of Dolly's presents had been wrapped. Even if they had been, she still wouldn't have been able to bring them to Dallas on the plane that day anyway....not enough room. Still, she had some presents from Mr. Amazing's parents that had come in the mail. We let Dolly open them. It was painful. I so wanted to be happy but it hurt so bad. Dolly smiled for the pictures but there was no sparkle in her eyes. Everyone was just going through the motions.

Minnie arrived just after 5:00PM.

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