Friday, November 8, 2013

I'm still here

Life has been crazy busy.

I still have to write:
"The Day I Lost My Kids - Part 7"
 "How This Has Affected My Kids - Part 3"

I'm going to get those done eventually. In the meantime, my computer has been all wonky because without thinking I upgraded to Mac OS X Mavericks and it's not playing nice with the computer software I use for my freelancing business. I've spent a lot of my computer time trying to fix that and keep up with the freelancing that I can do.

I couldn't say no to Rainbow when she asked me if we could do respite. Three extra cherubs joined up with us yesterday. TT and Bart had fun entertaining a 7mo baby boy in our rather un-baby-proofed house today. His two foster siblings (a separate case) are here as well. The baby only stayed one night but the girls don't leave until tomorrow.

Mr. Wonky has taken up residence in our house BIG and BAD lately. I'm up to my eyeballs in tantrums and almost constant dysregulation. I've taken kids to the psychiatrist, psychologist, and therapist more times than I care to count. So far nothing has changed. I'm holding out hope. But at least 1-2 hours every single day are spent trying to get one kid or another back off the ledge. All THREE kids are struggling with their issues. Herman is depressed. TT's anxiety is off the charts. And Bart's ADHD is challenging. He's even thrown in a few violent tantrums that I'm afraid might be as a result of the meds he's on. It hasn't been pretty. I'm exhausted!!

We're still in contact with Dude and Dolly. We got a scheduled FaceTime call this evening. Dude eventually even came over to the phone this time. The kids look good. Though, if I had to guess, the reality that they aren't coming back hasn't fully hit Dolly yet. And Dude is still really, really mad! He smiled and giggled some though as we made silly faces at each other. Most importantly, both kids got to see and hear me say, "I love you! Forever and for always! No matter what! Even if I can't see you!"

I drilled that in to them over and over the past year. I was glad to be able to say it and know that both Dude and Dolly could hear me. And tonight, the phone call didn't send TT into a fit of inconsolable tears.

We're slowly healing.

I have no idea what's going to happen next. I haven't spoken with Ms. Colorado since the emergency hearing a couple weeks ago. I know that the cherubs have all their things from us finally. I don't know if they're in therapy though or if the worker in Dallas is checking in on them or not.

Mr. Amazing and I have dabbled with the idea of fostering again with the intent of adopting. We both feel very strongly that God has told us we aren't done. It's not that we want to "save" kids for Jesus or stuff like that. But in the words of Mr. Amazing (or something close to this), "You know, none of our kids are easy. We've got tons of experience and ability. Why shouldn't we do this again? We could provide a home for kids that others can't."

Mr. Amazing is nuts!

No comments: