Tuesday, November 26, 2013

You only thought it was a roller coaster

Bullet points.
Crappy writing.

I'm still processing the reality of what just happened.

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When Dude and Dolly left the pain was unbelievable. It was so much more than kids just "leaving". These cherubs had been with us for 27 months. The situation in Dallas was NEVER proven to be safe. And because the State did not do their job to prove anything, the uncertainty of their situation made me horribly upset. It just felt so wrong.

The judge had told us to intervene.
The GAL had told us to intervene.
The therapist was in favor of the cherubs staying with us.

But everything fell apart September 23.
It completely fell apart.

But we were still in the case.
The scab continually got ripped off.
With every phone call (or missed phone call), it hurt more.

And then the writing went on the wall.
The State self-reported.
Of course they didn't say anything bad.
Doesn't matter that Dude is spiraling down, down, down.
Doesn't matter that Dolly cried for us regularly.
The neglect is subtle.
The problems lie mostly with the company that Grandma keeps.
The problems will get worse as the cherubs get older.
But the paperwork says that there is no abuse or neglect.

We dropped out.
We said goodbye.

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The following day the State contacted my lawyer to check in.
My lawyer is a trip. She totally acted surprised...like she didn't know we were doing this.
She hadn't filed our paperwork yet.
She told the State she'd be in contact with us and would proceed accordingly.

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And then at some point in time Ms. Colorado spoke off the cuff with the judge.
She told him that we were dropping out of the case.

The judge's immediate response was, "They shouldn't drop out!"
Ms. Colorado: "But Judge, you sent the cherubs to Dallas."
Judge: "They need to stay in through the holidays. That's when people make mistakes. That's when the drinking and partying starts."
Ms. Colorado: "But Judge, the State is self-reporting. Did you read their report? The little boy is withdrawn and aggressive. And the phone calls weren't even happening as court ordered."
Judge: "Your client has permission to call the cherubs. They need to stay in the case."
Ms. Colorado: "But Judge, the State does not want to terminate parental rights."
Judge: "Doesn't your client want to adopt the cherubs? They need to stay in the case."

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So Ms. Colorado called me. She told me what the judge said. She wanted to know how we wanted to proceed.

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Per my lawyer we are to call Dude and Dolly on Thanksgiving. We don't have to go through CPS, we can call Grandma N directly. If she lets me talk to the kids, I can ask them whatever I want. I'm supposed to talk to them to get a feel of the situation in Dallas and determine if we really do want to stay in or if we really do want to drop out.

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We're still in.
I'll know more on Thursday.

21 comments:

stephanie said...

Praying - for you guys!

Anna said...

THAT was the writing on the wall. God spoke. Stay in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aka. Mimi said...

Holy Moly, girlfriend... I don't even know what to say! I can't begin to understand what these people are thinking when they make these "decisions" that really AREN'T their "decisions" at all!

I'm totally behind you no matter what and you guys are all in my daily prayers. I'm not even sure specifically what I'm praying FOR, but God knows our hearts. Love you, girl!

Phoenix said...

It never made sense why the judge told you to intervene and then sent them to Dallas. But it sounds like he has a plan or plan of action. Not gonna say what I'm thinking, but WOW!

MamaFoster said...

it hurts SOOO bad, but just do it. do it for them. you are the only mom they know. keep going even when it hurts like crazy. that is how it is with me and savannah. it hurts every time i see her. honestly, I don't even want to go see her anymore because it would be easier not to. but there is a little girl who loves me and says she "feels like she should be with me, too."

I am so glad you are still in. STAY IN UNTILL THE JUDGE SAYS STOP!!!

I am almost crying. You can do this. Even when you feel like you can't, YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deb said...

In tears!!!

But GOD!!!! Not But Judge!
Praying with and for you.

Meg0422 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Duck Mommy said...

You CAN do this, Mamma! YOU were called to parent these children. Yesterday I posted a link about Jeremiah and staying on the wall. I'm going to track it down and repost it your wall.

YOU. CAN. DO. THIS!!!

I will be praying nonstop for you. I will get all of my personal prayer circle involved and when I get home this evening, I'm going to post a Special Prayer Request.

Maybe there still isn't a happy ending. Or maybe just not the happy ending you picture. But clearly you're not done. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It's impossibly hard and it sucks. But there's a reason.

mjm said...

Praying for you! So love it when God speaks :)

CandCFamily said...

Oh my goodness! I just wish the judge would have had the balls to deal with it without further traumatizing the kids, makes no freakin sense whatsoever!!!!

C Dawn's bucket said...

Protect yourself! If possible put the phone on speaker and record both sides of the conversation. Praying for you!

Cherub Mamma said...

I'm still trying to process everything and I feel like I should clarify something -- my lawyer DID know all along that we were done. D.O.N.E. done!

But she was not about to give the State any satisfaction in the matter. I think that's why she played dumb when they called her. She's just as mad at Minnie as the rest of us.

fosterfull said...

Oh Mamma. Will continue to pray that God's voice is clear, and that he gives you the strength to be there for these children. I can't IMAGINE what the judge is thinking -- enough rope for Grandma N to hang herself, but no real oversight to see it happen? Just praying, shedding a few tears, and lifting both you and the cherubs up to the God who is bigger than this terribly broken court system.

fosterfull said...

Oh Mamma. Will continue to pray that God's voice is clear, and that he gives you the strength to be there for these children. I can't IMAGINE what the judge is thinking -- enough rope for Grandma N to hang herself, but no real oversight to see it happen? Just praying, shedding a few tears, and lifting both you and the cherubs up to the God who is bigger than this terribly broken court system.

r. said...

I'm kind of torn... It's good news for you, but that conversation with the judge sounds pretty unethical (from the judge, not necessarily your lawyer). Why the hell is the judge having ex parte conversation about the merits of pending case before him?!

Hence why I'm torn. Yeah, it sounds good, but if this is the best judicial ethics your judge can come up with, then who knows what else might go down before this case is out?

P.S.- During the short time I was in the RGV recently, I was warned that the judges weren't well versed in/sticklers for the Texas Rules of Civil Procedure, that ex parte conversations and off-the-record remarks and decision-making happened all the time there, and that it wasn't uncommon for shenanigans and irregularity to have to be overturned on appeal to a higher court. And that was in a bigger county. I can't imagine that the small-town scene is any better. So this isn't a dig at your lawyer or anything. She's aggressively pursuing your interests and having those conversations about the judge is probably just the way things are done there. But the judge should know better. It really doesn't invoke much faith in the system...

P.P.S.- I thought the same thing about another conversation you reported between your lawyer and the judge earlier, but decided not to comment. And to reiterate, it's probably perfectly normal and not even considered unethical where you are. But that's the troubling part...

Cherub Mamma said...

@r.
It seems you understand my neck of the woods pretty well! I'm disgusted by how court *looks* down here. I've tried to describe it to people. I can't come close to explaining it well on my blog. -- It is the most casual, unprofessional, hardly serious thing I've ever seen that SHOULD BE incredibly serious! The ex parte conversations my lawyer has had don't surprise me. You're right, they are very normal. They make me angry though! Life changing decisions shouldn't be made this way.

This whole new twist sounds like it could be good...but for who?! I'm not convinced at all that anything is going to change. It's all still too casual, unprofessional and hardly serious in my book for me to think anything will actually change.

The judge looked me in the eye, during the court hearing almost a year ago, and made sure I was aware of my legal right to intervene in the case. When I did so in May he seemed almost proud of me. But in September he sat back in his chair and let chaos reign.

I don't hold a ton of hope in the off the cuff conversations held between my lawyer and the judge. He flipped in September and I have no reason to think that he's truly in favor of the children coming BACK to me. If the things that have already happened aren't proof enough that they shouldn't have gone, nothing new is going to happen that is worse.

Kay said...

Wowowowowww. I pray this judge knows what he's doing and everything works out in the best interests of the kids.

eileen said...

Yes....YES! I have been waiting for this post- I just knew it would come...I was praying it would come. Stay strong. I am praying!!!

Diana said...

That . Is. Insane!! I'm torn over the ethics and totally confused (and ticked) as to why. They put the kids and your family through all of this...and yet guardedly happy there is some glimmer of hope left. What a ride!!

Dena said...

I think there is a plan for you and your cherubs and while it may not be revealed as of yet, it's best that you stay in the picture for them and for yourself. It will give you the peace of mind, that you did absolutely everything you could. My prayers are with you.

grkanga said...

So I had an emotional response that is detailed and unprintable.
Then my rational mind said "This judge has NO concept that FIVE children... real live children who are not grown up or pawns in a board game are being abused by this "system". He thinks a Sting operation applied to stolen cars is ideal to use with humans and their emotions. More unprintable.
BUT... you call. You do not file papers. You look into who the VERY BEST HONEST COMPETENT child therapists that are reachable in your location are. BECAUSE ALL FIVE CHILDREN AND YOU AND MR WONDERFUL WILL NEED THAT HELP! Once again I ask: Do children abused and damaged by the system have a right to sue when they hit age 18 for the damage and trauma caused by faulty and abusive ..... etc.
May God help each and every one that you love.