Sunday, December 29, 2013

We're still "in"

Texas has a rule that foster homes can have up to six children total - bio, adopted and foster combined. Any more than six, and the foster home has to be licensed as a "group home".

In my particular county, all group homes are required to have full in-home sprinkler systems. It is financially impossible for us to retro-fit our home with them! Therefore, we can only have six kids. They will NOT make an exception. Of this I am quite confident.

However, we have decided to remain "in" our intervention with Dude and Dolly's case. We're going to see things through the next court hearing in late January. From there, I'm sure the writing will be on the wall.

No, we haven't called since Thanksgiving.

And no, I didn't get Christmas presents to them.

Worse still, Dude's birthday present is sitting on my kitchen floor. (His birthday is tomorrow.)

I feel perfectly horrible about all of this! But there is only so much of me to go around and our world got rocked on December 17th. It just so happens that December 17th was the day I spent over $100 on fleece so I could make custom taggie blankets and pillows for both Dude and Dolly. I was going to make them on the 18th and mail them on the 19th. Instead, the fabric sits next to Dude's birthday present...mocking me.

I'm still going to make the blankets and pillows. I'm still going to mail Dude's birthday present. Even though everything will arrive late.

Hopefully I'll recover from the guilt I feel over all of this. I'm sure I'll never know how the kids feel about everything. But I want to try. I want to continue to make sure they know that I love them even when I can't see them. (A phrase we used A LOT when they lived with us - to prepare them for this exact situation.) I console myself with the fact that my mom got them cookies on time before Christmas. And "Granny cookies" are super special to Dude and Dolly! So at least there's been a little connection. Thanks Mom!!

Foster care doesn't make a lot of sense most of the time. We seriously felt called to intervene. Despite all we've been through, we believe we need to stay "in" through the next court hearing. And we all know that Ricky and Daisy are exactly where they are supposed to be now too.

When I get to heaven I'm not exactly sure I'm going to go straight to praise and worship. Right now I think I'd like to have a face to face sit down with the big guy and let Him know how I feel about all this crazy. His plans sure are complicated sometimes!


Meg0422 said...

Can the cherubs help make the blankets? Homeschooling arts and crafts project?

tashapork said...

That's the kinds of things that tear into a moms heart. The silver lining may be that they get the gifts during a less hectic time where they can enjoy them more and that the powers that be don't get to twist it around into their illogical garbage like that you aren't giving them a chance to bond with Grandma or are trying to buy them, etc or whatever bizarre notion comes into their heads. Prayers that if things fall apart in Dallas, it's after you get Ricky back to his home and that he can maintain a relationship with your family afterwards

Heliotrope Tree House said...

Sometimes, I need time to process and feel when something very big and emotional rocks my world. That may mean I don't speak to or visit or send gifts in a timely fashion. I am learning to be gentle with myself and to not wrack myself with guilt. In those times where I feel like I am not being the perfect mother, foster parent or friend, relative, etc. I need to show myself mercy...just like I would extend to another. Glad to hear you are hanging in with the case.

sheldonanddenise said...

I'm sure Dude & Dolly will LOVE getting the blankets etc. anytime they arrive! Christmas spread out over several days is way more fun then just one day of getting gifts. They also didn't get lost in the hub bub of other gifts (if there were any). Maybe you can call them and ask how their Christmas was and let them know ANOTHER gift is on its way! Then if they didn't have a very good Christmas, your gift won't be associated with that memory. I'd even decorate the outside of the box with lots of Christmas stickers and stickers of things you know they like (Mickey Mouse, hot dogs, puppy's, etc.) and their names written great big on it! Who doesn't love receiving a gift in the mail that's personalized! Yours will definitely stand out now! I'm sending out graduation gift card tomorrow from last May! Tell me those graduates won't be pleasantly surprised to be getting a little extra something they weren't counting on so late!!! You're an amazing daughter of the King ~ so loving, kind, generous, willing, and the list goes on and on.... you need to see yourself like He and others see you!!! Don't race to make the blankets just to get them mailed out, but instead enjoy taking your time making them reminiscing about those sweet babes. It will be a great story to share with them someday. If you're real crafty, sew a little heart on it somewhere. May God continue to bless your family AMAZINGLY!!! Denise

AB said...

I was thinking the same thing as tashapork - "Prayers that if things fall apart in Dallas, it's after you get Ricky back to his home and that he can maintain a relationship with your family afterwards."