My God is amazing though. He loves me no matter what – even if I'm a brat while decorating for His holiday.
And that's a good thing. Because tonight, as soon as we were done decorating, I had it out with Him again.
I simply do not understand what I'm supposed to be "doing".
And I'm not much for sitting around waiting.
God was very clear when it came time to intervene in the case with Dude & Dolly. We obeyed and hired a lawyer. Despite the chaos, I had a peace about things.
He was very clear a miracle was going to be worked on September 23. I do not know what that miracle was. My children were taken from me abruptly. And honestly, I'm OK not knowing what the miracle was. But it sure would be nice if I could see the full picture. Maybe God put someone in place in Dallas. Maybe God built Grandma up to a place where she wants the cherubs. I do not know. But I was told a miracle would happen and I have to trust that it did.
When the time came to decide whether we were going to stay "in" or drop "out" of the case, I didn't get much of an answer from God. In fact, He seemed quite distant. But at no time did I feel I was going against anything when we decided to be done.
Then we got the call for Daisy. Both my husband and I knew we were supposed to say yes. After we did, we both were told that He was pleased. In fact, almost immediately we each sensed that Daisy would not be coming to us but the whole point of getting the call was to see if we would obey and say yes.
But now...now what are we supposed to do?
- Do we keep making the phone calls?
- Do we stay in the case?
- Should still be trying to advocate for Dude & Dolly? If so, what does that look like? I feel so helpless and so far away.
- Are we supposed to be taking new kids?
- Is it OK to close our home and stop fostering?
- Or are we supposed to find a cherub or two that is waiting for adoption?