Friday, January 24, 2014

too vivid of a dream

I turned in two very official pieces of paperwork to our lawyer yesterday. These two pieces of paper are going in the mail today so they can be signed by the judge Monday - during court for Dude and Dolly. They officially drop us out of the legal intervention. They make everything very final.

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I woke up in the middle of the night convinced my phone had rang and that I had spoken with Ms. Colorado. The details were so vivid. She told me that she went out to dinner with a friend. She never even apologized for calling me in the middle of the night because she wanted to tell me that we just HAD to stay "in" the case again. This friend of hers had information that everything was going to implode on Monday at court and Ms. Colorado wanted us in court for it. She wanted to let me know right away.

I was able to wake up enough to realize that it was just a very cruel dream.

But I went back to sleep and dreamed about Dude and Dolly coming home to me. I dreamed that they were shell-shocked but acted like it was perfectly normal to come back. I remember hugging them and telling them, "I loved you the whole time you were gone. I love you even when I can't see you."

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I never dreamed about the babies when they lived with me. I rarely dream about my kids. Not sure why. Instead I dream all the time about old jobs I've had, schools I've gone to, and getting lost. I'm always getting lost in my dreams.

But now my babies are going to haunt my dreams?!

I hope not.
I'm rather out of sorts this morning. It was all too vivid.
So vivid, I had to get out my phone right away and check my call list to make sure the first dream wasn't real.

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It's over. It's all over.

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I'm glad I've got an appointment Monday that will keep me from driving an hour away to sit in court and hear it all first hand. Part of me wants to hear the ending myself. But I know how this story ends Monday. And I'm being written out of it officially.

11 comments:

Traci Corder said...

praying for peace for you.

Annie said...

Oh, this is so heart-wrenching. Dreams can be so vivid and the feelings even more painful than reality produces. I'm so sorry.

Annie said...

Oh, this is so heart-wrenching. Dreams can be so vivid and the feelings even more painful than reality produces. I'm so sorry.

Rhonda said...

My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine the pain in your heart and the grief you feel at losing your babies. I pray Dude and Dolly are safe and happy.

kate said...

This made me so sad. I can only begin to imagine how you must feel.

OneSmallWish said...

I'm so sorry. I still dream about my "lost" babies and it has been almost a year. Still dream they come home and life goes on as normal. It's bittersweet...I get to see them in my dreams which is so nice but then I have to wake up and face reality, they are gone to me. I am sending you hugs andprayers for peace.

Mandy said...

Thinking of and praying for you today.

Cherub Mamma said...

Thanks Mandy!! I really appreciate it.

I'm awfully torn. I know it's all over with. But I really wish I could have heard what happened in court.

Karen said...

Will you get a phone call from Ms.Colorado telling you what happened in court, or were you considered "out" before court?

Cherub Mamma said...

We were "out" before court started. I really didn't want to pay Ms. Colorado $200/hr. just to hear things we already know.

I'm NEVER going to know EXACTLY what happened today.

Leticia Holt said...

Seems like things are piling up on you through your dreams. It's too bad that you have been dreaming about these upsetting topics, and I hope they aren't bothering you anymore. And I hope everything goes fine this coming Monday. Take care!


Leticia Holt @ The Law Offices of Kim E. Hunter