Thursday, March 20, 2014


Mr. CW (our CPS worker for Daisy) was very busy yesterday doing a removal and then subsequent placement of five children. That explains the limited information and inability to answer all of my questions. The man was swamped!

He's working on Daisy's court report right now though. He needed a couple of simple questions answered and he called me this afternoon.

I answered his questions and then said, "So, what's the deal with tomorrow?" (the Family Group Conference)

He answered, "Oh...yeah...I owe you that one."

Then he explained and I breathed a huge sigh of relief!!!

Long story short...Bio Mom is in such a state of denial that she simply cannot believe that her child was injured at the hands of her significant other. She also refuses to believe that Daisy belongs in foster care. She wants Daisy returned.

Bio Mom is in denial. She's not the brightest bulb on the tree as a result of that incredible denial. But Bio Mom is a high functioning adult. And Bio Mom formally requested an administrative review of Daisy's case.

The administrative review happened. It is black and white! Daisy was injured at the hands of a biological parent and therefore cannot be returned at this time! CPS is not wavering in its position in this case at all. They aren't turning a blind eye to the reality of what was done to Daisy.

However, this whole process burdens CPS with more "work". They have to prove themselves again. AND they have to explain to Bio Mom (and Bio Dad if he shows) why they were justified in removing Daisy from their care.

Thus the Family Group Conference tomorrow.

It is simply (ha ha) going to be a big, long, formal meeting where we lay everything out on the table again. I've been to a few of these and yes, I will be allowed to talk. I will discuss in great length all the developmental delays that Daisy struggles with as a result of her injuries.

My biggest fear was that CPS was moving closer toward reunification and that was why the meeting was being called. I was wrong! They are continuing to err on the side of caution as much as they legally can. For that I am grateful.

I'm still not looking forward to the meeting at all. I still DO NOT want to face Bio Dad. I especially don't want to face that man while holding the child he nearly killed in my arms.

But at least I don't have to worry about CPS making light of the situation. That is not the purpose of this meeting at all. Instead, it's going to be a room full of people that feel as I do about Daisy's need for safety. First we'll go over the family's strengths. Then we'll go over the weaknesses. Then they will set goals for the family. I'm pretty sure I can handle that since I know CPS isn't going to be trying to contradict anything I say.

Please continue to pray for me. I survived the last 24 hours on those prayers you guys sent up on our behalf. I'm nervous about meeting Bio Dad. Even though I'm relieved now that I know the WHY behind this meeting, it still doesn't take away my belief that the baby should not have to attend.


Several people have mentioned on the last blog post and my FB page that I should "wear" Daisy to the meeting.

I do wear her some. I've got a ring sling and a soft-structured carrier that I use. Unfortunately, I don't think either one will work for this meeting. Daisy resists STRONGLY the ring sling. My Genius Sister says it's because of the sling itself. I'm not an expert in baby wearing so I have to trust her on that one. But I simply cannot get Miss Floppy Baby situated in the ring sling at all. And then for both carriers, Miss Daisy complains when I've got her in one and I sit down. She'll let me wear her for hours if I'm standing up. But if I sit down when I've got Daisy on my front or my back she gets super fussy. I really don't want to stand for the entire meeting either.

I trust Mr. CW that I'm to be the one holding Miss Daisy. I will try to position myself in the meeting so that I've got the baby and it's clear she's to be with me. Hopefully I'll be sitting opposite the table from the bio family and they won't have an opportunity to take the baby from me.

But really, I'm just going to pray that Bio Dad doesn't show up. As horrible as that may sound, that's my prayer.


tashapork said...

Thankful that Mr Caseworker seems to be on top of things. It is best that they follow all of these steps so they run into fewer snags if they move to termination. I think it's sad make a baby sit through it. I wonder if they would let you take her into another room for the parts that don't pertain to you.
I really don't understand why this woman hasn't separated herself from this man.

Cherub Mamma said...

I personally don't want to miss any of the meeting. I'm hoping the baby stays quiet and I get to hear everything. Meetings like this are where the most information is shared about the case. Court always moves so fast and barely covers anything in reality. I don't give a damn about how much the baby weighs or how long she is (stuff they literally will cover in court). I want to know what the goals are for the family and how CPS is honestly wanting to proceed with things.

For example: to the best of my knowledge this case is set for "relative conservatorship". But right now there are no relatives stepping forward that CPS will consider. They may discuss this during the meeting tomorrow and I'll have a better idea what to expect in the long run.

Emily said...

I've been a silent reader/prayer sender for quite some time, but it's time for me to chime in and let you know you have the prayers of a fellow foster/adoptive mom from Florida. Yes, tomorrow, but every other day as well. Ricky tears at my heart, too, and I continue to pray for him and his situation. I'm flooded with relief for you over the reason behind tomorrow. Praying, praying, and praying!

Meg0422 said...

Listen, you're going to Mama Bear-up, say wise things, and show those parents the limitations of their baby. You'll bring your huge notebook as backup, and they'll have maybe a photo and excuses.

CPS is the wild card. I don't trust them at all, although Mr CW seems decent.

What time is the hearing? I spent all day thinking it was today! Lol

Meg0422 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cherub Mamma said...

The meeting is from 3:00 to 5:00PM.

A visit is from 5:00 to 7:00PM.

I DO NOT KNOW WHO IS GOING TO BE ALLOWED AT THIS VISIT. The possibility is there that Bio Dad could be allowed to attend.

I don't trust CPS either. Mr. CW is OK. But he takes his orders from a supervisor and I don't have the best of track records with supervisors.

grkanga said...

Thanks for the additional information that makes it seem less patronizing of you the foster family. To have this meeting and on top of it the visit seems ridiculous and totally ignorant of baby needs and reality. But maybe some truths will become obvious as a result.
I actually do feel sorry for bio-mom, it will be hard for her to face the truth. But her continued denial of reality will also be reason for the court to understand Daisy's need to be protected from mom's unwillingness to accept reality and protect her child. Painful painful painful.
Thank you for taking care of all these children.... it is very hard to do what you are doing.