don't know if it's leftover trauma from being in the hospital,
frustration from the visits, or just because...but Miss Daisy is having a
rough time at bedtime every night. The inconsolable crying breaks my
heart. Nothing seems to sooth her once the jammies go on. And it's so
unlike her. Miss Daisy is usually so happy. I hope she snaps out of this
Someone that reads FB but prefers to comment on the blog made this comment. Hi grkanga! :-)
Re Daisy acting out post visits and hospitalization. Talk to caseworker
and see if her crying during visits is documented for court and ask how
to document for caseworker the change in Daisy's behavior. MAYBE court
will take it into consideration in what is ordered re visitation ...
MAYBE the agency/caseworker can help reduce the stress on Daisy if it is
shown to be harmful to the baby.
Although general what I saw was
that since the baby is pre verbal the system assumes the child is unable
to communicate at all. Might be worth a shot..... or not.
Here's what I know so far about that...
I did talk to Mr. CW shortly after Daisy was released from the hospital. He made it clear that there is nothing they can really do about Daisy crying during visits. They need to see how Mom handles things - even things like Daisy crying.
Yesterday I got to the visit before Bio Mom did. The visit monitor came over to talk to me while we waited. She asked about the cuts on Daisy's head. I explained the surgeries that Daisy had and why she had been hospitalized.
The visit monitor then just started sharing. She seemed to be thinking out loud and said something along the lines of, "Oh yeah. This is the baby that cries during her visits." (Not that it applies directly to this story but I will point out that Daisy does not have the same visit monitor at every visit. It changes almost every single time.)
I told the visit monitor that I was aware of Daisy crying during a visit back in February. And I know Daisy cried at one in the hospital. But I had been told that Daisy had been doing really well lately.
She said, "No. No. It was...um...Tuesday this week. Did Daisy have a visit on Tuesday?"
I said yes, she had a visit that day.
"Yes. That's right. I supervised it. I remember Daisy crying. Boy Mom doesn't know how to calm her down at all. I remember Tuesday, when she was crying, Mom grabbed some of those puff things and stuffed them in Daisy's mouth. Daisy choked a little."
I nearly choked myself. No child should have solid food shoved in their mouth when they are crying - let alone a brain damaged, visually impaired, globally delayed infant!!
I honestly did not know what to say.
I managed to stammer out a question though. "Do you document this?! Does CPS know how Daisy has been acting in the visits and how Mom is responding?!"
The visit monitor assured me that she documents everything.
I handed Daisy over to her bio mom when she arrived. I walked out the door and immediately called My Genius Sister. It's not like I really needed her input or anything. But, I think of her as my therapist. (Thank goodness she doesn't have a $25 co-pay!) I needed to word vomit before I called Mr. CW.
Then I called Mr. CW. I simply told him that I needed to express a new concern I've got about Daisy's visits. I told him what the monitor had told me. (Adding to all this drama...it was just the day before that I found out Bio Mom was feeding Daisy solids at all. I had called Mr. CW just 24 hours earlier to express a minor concern over solids in general.)
Thank God Mr. CW has a clue! He said he would drop what he was doing immediately and drive across town to the visit. He would look at the recent visit notes and talk to the monitor.
He did just that.
Butterflies attacked me as I drove back to CPS to pick Daisy up last night. I knew Mr. CW was going to address things but I didn't know HOW he was going to do it. Was he going to tell Bio Mom that *I* have a problem with things? Or was he going to tell Bio Mom the concerns more generally?
Bio Mom came out with Daisy and together we walked outside. She told me that again Daisy refused the bottle but that she did take a jar of baby food and some baby puff cereal. I didn't say much of anything. (I really hate confrontation. Plus, I know that Daisy ultimately is safe at these visits. They are closely monitored.)
But then Bio Mom started telling me that she was confused about my concerns toward solid food. I explained to her that I work with a speech pathologist almost two hours every week. The goals we are working on with Daisy include eating solids. Due to her developmental delay, you can't just shove food in her mouth. I explained that there are aspiration concerns and overall safety issues.
Bio Mom got incredibly nervous. I could tell this by the huge, fake smile on her face. I know what I was saying probably didn't make a lick of sense to her. Daisy looks adorable. And most of the time Daisy appears to be doing just fine eating solids. But there are a lot of subtleties to it that are lost on Mom. For example, Daisy just recently started actively taking the food off the spoon herself. And Daisy JUST learned how to move the puff cereal from the front of her mouth to the back all on her own. Chewing skills are emerging but are not there yet!!
Bio Mom made a nervous comment telling me that if I have any questions or concerns I can ask her directly.
As I started my answer, Mr. CW came out the door. He let me answer and just nodded along in agreement.
"I know it seems strange. But I have to take my concerns to Mr. CW first. Everything has to be documented properly. There is protocol to follow. If I simply tell you, and something bad happens, I can be held liable for not keeping CPS in the loop. It's also up to Mr. CW to decide what to tell you, and how to tell you, about any concerns I might have."
Have I ever mentioned how much I hate confrontation?
Thankfully Mr. CW backed me up completely and Bio Mom just sort of walked away.
Mr. CW and I walked toward our vehicles on the other side of the parking lot. He confirmed that the visit notes are there and that the monitor told him the same thing she told me. Daisy choked a little when Mom gave her the puffs because she was crying inconsolably.
There was NO mention of anything in the visits changing. Bio Mom is still going to be allowed to feed Daisy whatever she wants. But Mr. CW did say he would be addressing the safety issue at a later date. The only thing he told her yesterday was about my general concerns when it comes to feeding Daisy solids.
Visits are so tricky.
I honestly don't know what is going to happen next. Daisy choking on food isn't enough to change anything immediately.
I want to think that I'm overreacting here. That I'm being too dramatic. Maybe I am.
But Bio Mom is in denial about her daughter and it just becomes more and more apparent.
We have court on Tuesday. I'm glad the new courtroom has everyone on microphone. I'm not going to want to miss a word of what is covered.