Friday, April 4, 2014

more on the visit schedule

I'm dying to know what the powers that be are discussing about this crazy visit schedule for Miss Daisy. But of course I cannot make it sound like I personally care. The dance of foster care is so strange. I don't know how to explain it, but it is incredibly important to know how to work your "role" as a foster parent. Often this depends on the case worker you're dealing with. Mr. CW will answer all sorts of my questions "off the record". Therefore I know not to ask detailed questions about the case via email. Neither of us want that kind of a paper trail. So, if I really want to know something that perhaps not all caseworkers would share with foster parents, I need to send a text or ask him in person.

Mr. CW told me last night that he'd keep me in the loop. If I were to bother him again this morning trying to get details, it might sound like I'm being pushy. My approach...blame it on the therapists. I sent Mr. CW an email this morning asking if he had any more information because I wanted to let the therapists know where they would be going next week for therapy if/when visits were moved to Mom's house.

Mr. CW told me that it looks like visits are going to stay supervised at the CPS office for now.

Because it was via email, Mr. CW said absolutely nothing more. And because it was via email, I asked him nothing else. I just thanked him for the information.

I believe God Himself intervened for Daisy. Maybe it bought us a week. Maybe longer. But at least nobody is rushing helter skelter into unsupervised/supervised visits that last all day long. I'm grateful for the time it did buy. Hopefully Daisy's lawyer will call me back soon and I can further express my concerns on Mom's ability to handle Daisy's medical needs.

Of course that is all a dance too. I cannot (repeat...cannot) make it sound like I don't support reunification. It does not matter if I think reunification is the worst thing possible. I am not supposed to share that opinion with a single soul! No...I am to basically go along blindly with whatever the powers that be suggest.

My approach with the lawyer is going to be this...
Daisy's initial path in life included no medical intervention. I'm not sure if she ever had any well child checks and I know she received no vaccinations. What precautions are going to be put into place to ensure current interventions and medical appointments are maintained?
Hopefully a question like that will open up the doors to the other things I want to address. I do want to make sure the lawyer knows that Bio Mom is still "with" Bio Dad. I need the decision makers to understand the potential danger in that. I also want people thinking about the domestic violence and neglect charges that were brought up against Mom by a family member during the initial investigation.

But for now, I just wait. I don't know when visits are going to be next week at all. Mr. CW told me that Bio Mom's work schedule has changed so they will likely fall on different days at different times. And I'm going to leave another message at the lawyer's office asking for her to return my call.

And I'll wait.

And I'll love on that precious baby.

And I'll pray.


orphanmother said...

The dance as you call it is so real in "foster care land". Unless you are in foster care land it is difficult to understand how you have to stuff your opinions and concerns to not show that you are NOT for reunification. I understand how difficult this is for you and your family. I pray that God does intervene and does the absolute best for Daisy. I always try to remember that God does love these children more than we do, hard to imagine, but true. But for now, you do have time to allow her to heal both physically and her inner hurts. You are doing a great job.

Buzy Bee said...

Continuing to pray for all involved

grkanga said...

You do this whole thing so well. I was concerned when you indicated Daisy had broken ribs prior to the "accident"; can you ask the doctor to include in his/her report information on that break and if Daisy has unusually fragile bones and the circumstances under which such breaks have occurred in his experience? I.E. "When I have seen such breaks in the past in young infants it was caused by adults kicking the child in the ribs". It might enlighten some people in court... Yes, I knew the child who was kicked at 6 wks of age due to my foster care experience.
Keep on following your experience with your agency and system, I simply worry.

Cherub Mamma said...

Sadly - for reasons that I will never understand - the broken rib that was healing on Miss Daisy before the "accident" has NEVER been mentioned by anyone but me. I brought it up at the Family Group Conference and they managed to completely change the subject and not address that concern.

I do not understand why proof that this was NOT a one-time thing hasn't raised more concern toward Mom's role in things.

Hopefully that will come out in the criminal trial against Dad.

Annie said...

You are one in a million; children in foster care DO need real advocates who can give them their FULL attention (not with a caseload of 50 other kids, or whatever). At least Maxim's workers never seemed to remember much of anything about him. They'd blithely say he was "flunking his classes" when he had a "B" average; they'd refer to his speaking German, when he's Russian; they'd forget he was sensitive about being a foster child and boldly walk into his classrooms announcing themselves. It is a wonder he had the inner strength to finish high school, he was so mortified.

And - they continue to use the word "foster parent" when they full expect NO "parenting" whatsoever - just non-involved caregiving. You are heroic to deal with this, but Daisy is so lucky you do.