Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Bio Mom says I lie

Mr. CW was just here for his monthly visit.

I continue to fear for Daisy's future. He and I have little to talk about at each formal visit because we stay in close contact all the time. However, he did share with me that Bio Mom has called him expressing concern over "foster mom" (ie: ME!!).

She says I lie about her baby.

Mr. CW just listens.

She says I exaggerate about all that is wrong with her baby.
She says Miss Daisy can do all sorts of things and she does them at every visit.

Mr. CW just listens.

I appreciate the fact that he doesn't get sucked in to her drama.
I REALLY appreciate the fact that he takes the information I give him seriously.

So I showed him another example of Daisy's deficiencies today.
I took a burp rag and threw it over Daisy's head covering her face.

Daisy just sat there.

Daisy doesn't know how to pull things off of her face. (It's a skill I've been trying to teach her by forcing her to do it and cheering like crazy when she does.) (Special needs kids require strange looking therapies sometimes.)

Mr. CW watched and I reminded him that Daisy is one year old! She wasn't sitting there playing some kind of peek-a-boo game. She was sitting there with a rag over her face and she literally didn't know what to do about it.

Then I upped the ante.

I pointed out the fact that if she was in bed and a blanket was too close to her mouth, she would not know how to move it out of the way so she could breathe safely.

(For any of you questioning any of my sleeping habits with Miss Daisy
please know I've always taken this fact into consideration.)

Mr. CW continued to watch Daisy sitting on the floor with the rag over her head.

He took some notes.

And finally Daisy pulled the rag off.

I cheered.

And I prayed yet again for her future!!


Karen said...

Does it make you angry that Mr.CW just listens to biomom and doesn't stand up for you, or more importantly, Daisy? Shouldn't he be saying to bio mom, 'Did you listen to anything else the neurosurgeon said besides the fact that she has some vision' I know, I know, it's probably useless. I know Mr.CW has been pretty decent. But I think it's a bit upsetting that he isn't saying to moms face more the reality of Daisy's situation. If I were the worker, I'd be pulling out the Nippissing Developmental screening and saying, 'Look! This is what she SHOULD be doing, even though she's doing those other things' ugh. Has mr.cw heard from Daisy's lawyer since you met with her? And what exactly does biomom feel you're saying she can't do that Daisy is doing at visits? Some people....

Cherub Mamma said...

Perhaps it isn't fully accurate to say that Mr. CW "only" listens to Bio Mom when she starts her rants. I know that he defends me when it's necessary. And I know that he continually tries to present the facts to Bio Mom.

But Bio Mom is best handled, and I do agree with him on this one, by just letting her vent. The person that really has to hear everything, and hear it well, is the judge.

Bio Mom's head is stuck so far in the sand that we can't do much. I've spoken with each of the therapists to make sure they understand the level of Bio Mom's denial. I pray they can get through to her if it's necessary. Of course, that will mean that Bio Mom will have to be a part of Daisy's therapies should be be returned and I can't guarantee that that would happen even if therapies are required to continue. Bio Mom could hire a nanny and all the therapies could be done while Bio Mom is at work. She's really going to be able to stay in the dark for a long time.

But you've got me thinking. Maybe I'll put together a concise care package, if you will, of therapy evaluations for Bio Mom to read over at her leisure. I can give it to her at the neurosurgeon's office this Thursday. I'm not sure though. Maybe I'll let it all sit and just deal with this the day of reunification should that day ever come.

Emily Winner said...

If she's allowed to see the evaluations that could be a good idea... on the other hand she might claim you are getting false reports or making it up. She sounds like she needs therapy to get into reality before daisy can go to her

Karen said...

Another question... Was mom around her other kids when they were this age? If someone asked her when her other kids started hitting milestones, would she have any clue that, 'Oh yeah, I guess the other ones were walking by now...' Sigh. The thought of a nanny doing therapies while mom is at work was one I hadn't thought of. That's scary in a lot of ways, but maybe it's a glimmer of hope that there could be one 'normal' person in Daisy's life post reunification who might be able to be convinced that Daisy is not normal.

Cherub Mamma said...

I do not know when Bio Mom stepped away from her other two children for sure. I've been led to believe it was within the last year or so when she moved down here, but I could be wrong. Her other two children are 4 and 8 I think.

I do not know what Bio Mom's true child development knowledge/experience is.

Meg0422 said...

Maybe you can give her a calendar of medical appointments that you've been to since Daisy came to you. Eh. Maybe not.

grkanga said...

Bio mom needs you to be a liar or she would need to believe Daisy has real significant damage and problems. Clearly the easy choice is that you lie. The positive side is that what you are telling her is upsetting to her.
As you say, the key is for the judge to understand the truth and to see and hear that mom is unable to accept reality. That mom has a mental illness and is not able to care for her disabled child.
Pray for a smart experienced judge, not cost cutting one.

Foster Mom - R said...

She can't blame the husband so you get to be the scape goat. You get that and it doesn't make it easier. You can only do what you can do- and you are doing a great job. It's on her to take responsibility and while its really hard to have faith that people are looking out for her with Fude and Dolly's outcome, try to think about the times when the best decision for the children you've cared for (and adopted) was reached (even if it took 100 years longer than it should have).

Annie said...

I can't recall what you said about her - does she have other kids? Any chance she is just ignorant and has no intuition or knowledge about what children should be able to do at different ages. I mean, sticking with this man indicates that she is really needy in some ways. Could that include being "too stupid" to recognize appropriate behavior and/or development?

Annie said...

Sorry, I should have read other people's comments before replying...but she sounds so DIM.